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Looking At The World Through Coffee Colored Glasses

Updated on August 10, 2009


I never wanted to be one of those people (well, let me clarify, I never wanted to be seen as one of those people) you know, the type that reach for a cigarette from their nightstand the minute they wake up, the people who “shush” you before they’ve had their morning cup of coffee, the type that always seemed to me that used these “crutches” as a way to excuse their bad behavior or weakness for things that they really didn’t need at all (in my opinion). But then it happened, I went a Saturday without coffee and from what I can remember of that day (which is precious little) I can only say that from now on I’ll be looking at the world through coffee colored glasses – Don’t Get Me Started!

I’ve gone without coffee before and it didn’t affect me in the least. I boasted that I was not one of those people who needed to have a beverage in the morning to make them human. I felt sure that I was impervious to the coffee addiction that had gripped Americans to stand in line, making up ridiculous drinks that ten years ago we’d never even heard of. Does anyone really know what a macchiato translates to or did Starbucks just make up words and the rest of us went along with it for the sake of keeping up with whatever our co-workers had in their cup? However it happened, it’s happened and as I went from the higher caloric drinks where you couldn’t even taste the coffee, I have now upped the caffeine, trading the calories for four shots of espresso over ice in the morning with a splash of soy milk. As I write this I see that what I drink in the morning is probably what they give people who are about to be shot out of a cannon.

I got up on Saturday morning and as I made my omelet I noticed a dull ache right over my eyes. I went through my Jewish hypochondriac list and once I’d ruled out the brain aneurysm I figured that perhaps it was allergies or maybe a lack of sleep that I should have gotten the night before. As I ate my breakfast and turned on the television only to find out that I had hit the old movie jackpot with a day full of Bette Davis movies, I went from sitting on the couch to reclining on the couch to not really remembering much but a gun shot at one point and some dramatic music by Max Steiner. As I tossed and turned on the sofa waking to learn that Bette Davis was no longer Jezebel and was now parading around as a dance hall girl with Humphrey Bogart as the DA I fell asleep once more only to wake up hours later to find Bette now a playgirl with all the money in the world, Humphrey Bogart was now the keeper of her horses and she was about to die from an aneurysm type illness. How perfect as I grabbed my forehead and began massaging it, maybe I had that aneurysm after all. The rest of the afternoon is a blur of sleep and black and white dreams.

As if some sort of bad dream, I awoke to discover that it was now five in the afternoon. I wasn’t sure where the day went but wherever it had gone it didn’t take my dull aching throbbing headache with it. I decided that perhaps I just hadn’t gotten the right kind of sleep because I was lying on the sofa. Off to the bed I went for an hour or so of sleep.

I woke up at 8pm not knowing if it was day or night, that awful feeling you have in your stomach when you realize that life has completely passed you by and that you’ve lost one of those precious days that was to be owned by you filled with productive deeds.

I squinted as we had dinner around 11:30pm and felt sick to my stomach as I squinted to see what was on my plate, by 1:00am I was back in bed and as I drifted off to sleep I heard myself chanting to myself a line similar to Scarlett’s from Gone With The Wind, “As God as my witness, I’ll never go with coffee again.” Sunday morning I awoke to find that the headache had gone but as I threw on clothes and my baseball cap, I allowed myself to drive without thought to the one place that might allow me to have a day completely unlike the one before, Starbucks. Ah peace, the world looked like a world I recognized, that grass was green and the sky was blue. Alas, I was once again looking at the world through coffee colored glasses – Don’t Get Me Started!

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