- Mental Health»
Looking Inside The Mind Of An Alcoholic
In this Hub we are going to be looking inside the mind of an alcoholic, and try to see just how they think and what they can do to make a change in their life. The alcoholic that we will be looking at will be myself.
I just wanted to give some in site on just how I thought and what I thought about being addicted to alcohol for so many years and how I achieved Sobriety back into my life all on my own, with the support and love from my family and a lot of help from our creator "GOD".
Now being Sober, I can really focus on my writing and get my true feelings, angers, regrets, and just overall feelings I have stored up inside me for many years, out in the open for all to read. It helps me to remain sober by doing so. It is like therapy to me and it really works. I'm sure there are many of us that use this method of therapy among other ways.
My main goal is to hopefully be able to touch someone's life that has an addiction and they want to surrender as I did. Just maybe one of my stories will hit home with someone and make them think that there is still hope even when you think there isn't.
For a person such as myself that has been drinking alcohol since the age of nineteen, I must say, now at age fifty four, this last year has been one of the best in my life. I have overcome something that is somewhat impossible for some. I should NOT say impossible, because I thought it was impossible for me to quit drinking alcohol, but when I put my mind to it and just surrendered to my addiction, all sobriety started to take shape one day at a time.(Slow But Sure).
So here we go. I started drinking alcohol at age 19, with a few times stopping for a year or so, but went right back to it for one reason or another. One of the reasons was, I was NOT ready to give up alcohol just yet at that point in my life. I was in denial and thought I didn't have a serious problem. As time went by I did start to think, YES I see a difference in myself, my appearance, my general outlook on life itself, I had no self-esteem, looked down at myself like I was nothing and really felt I had no purpose in life. That really hurts now, that I thought of myself in that way.
Looking at all these things, I was lonely, very depressed and the alcohol made depression even worse, but I still didn't have the willpower to give it up. I figured, what's the use, the damage is done now, so why try to change my life at this stage of the game.
I am a very loving, giving and kind person. When drunk, I am still very giving, maybe too giving, but not very kind. Sometimes I'd say things, that the next day when I was sober I regretted what I said or did. If you have any morals or love for anyone, doing or saying the wrong things could scar the people that were involved, meaning, these people sometimes take your words and actions to heart even though they know you were drunk. It doesn't matter when you say you are sorry to them. The damage has been done and saying I'm sorry sometimes just doesn't cut it.
Sometimes, with me, I would get those almighty beer muscles and I was so drunk, that I probably couldn't kill a fly even if I tried. So sad to think back on those bad memories in my life.
I pretty much almost lost everything because of my drinking. The money I spent on booze should have been spent on my family, my house mortgage and other bills, but I didn't care, I needed the alcohol. The demons demanded it of me and I listened to what they wanted and I gave them their feeding of alcohol and pushed aside everything else in my life that should of been more important than the alcohol.
With everything I have done in the years of drinking, I have found my way out of my addiction and now living the life that I should of been living for the past years.
When you surrender to any kind of addiction, it is remarkable just how your life starts to make changes all to the better.
Living with an alcoholic is not a very easy thing to do for anyone. They try to put up with it because of love sometimes, or they make believe they don't see it at all. In these cases, it is hurting the alcoholic because it is giving them permission to carry on with their drinking. Why? For myself, I said, well no one is saying anything so it must be okay with them for me to continue self destructing myself.
It then became a point in my drinking that the wife, children and friends have had enough of my foolish drinking and called me on it.
Remarks such as, "When do you think you will give this drinking up"? We can't deal with your addiction anymore in this family, and so on.
As I wrote in one of my other Hubs, I spoke of a voice that touched me in such a way that the voice made me realize that the end is near if I don't change my life. At that moment in time I started to feel that I was something in this world. I had been placed here by God for a reason, as we all are.
I then realize through this so calm and soothing conversation that I truly needed to change my life around, not only for myself, but for the people that loved and cared about me.
I had to finally admit that I was an alcoholic and I needed to do something very fast before it was too late. I will lose my family and it would be a good chance that I would lose my life. When I thought of these things I said to myself, "is this addiction really worth my family and my life"? Of course, my answer was a BIG NO!
After I answered that question, it was then, that I surrendered to my demons that have ran my life for so many years. They ruined some of the best years of my life and I refused to let demon alcohol continue to destroy me and my family.
Changing my life and listening to the inner voice, "that honestly really saved me", was the best thing I or anyone could ever do in their life.
I continue to keep that Positive Attitude and give myself a pat on the back now and then, for what I had gone through and for standing up to my demons and winning. Achieving Sobriety, or anything for that matter, is something that we, "the addicted" should be very proud of.
I have found out, that being ashamed of my addiction and hiding it for so many years will not help. Don't be embarrassed, ASK FOR HELP, and put God in charge of your life, and don't hold back. HE, is the only one who will NEVER let you down!
If you don't listen to you heart and inner voice, then this could be one of many sights that you or I might miss out on in life.
INDEED LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL SO DON'T WASTE OUR SHORT TIME HERE ON AN ADDICTION THAT CAN BE AVOIDED!