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Losing a Parent

Updated on February 17, 2015

Grief of losing a Parent

By Patricia A. Saunders

Many have lost a parent due to age, sickness, and then there are those who lost a parent unexpectedly. There is something that no matter the age if you are not prepared, you haven’t said goodbye, there isn’t any closure.

Recently we have seen in the media the unfortunate incident with Bobbi Kristina Brown whose mother was Whitney Houston. She hasn’t been able to grieve like most of us due to being in the limelight, which her Mother was, and constantly we are following her around. Growing up in the shadow of two famous parents was a challenge itself but when Whitney died her daughter had to play everything out in the public from her Mother’s funeral, the Reality TV show “Houston’s”, and her much publicized marriage to a childhood friend who was like a brother.

Under all of those circumstances any other person might have reached out to family, gone to grief counseling, and even the support of their friends. Who was Bobbi Kristina able to trust? Who could she let her guard down to and be able to reveal what she felt and not worry about it being on TMZ.

I know that for myself when my Mother died eight years ago from lung disease unexpectedly when we were preparing ourselves for her to die from complications of Alzheimer’s or age it left me feeling numb. I was the primary caregiver so when she passed I felt lost. The four W’s: Who, What, When and Where were left unanswered as to what my daily actions were. I went through the five grieving steps: 1. denial that she was gone and I was all alone. 2. The next step I felt was anger but it wasn’t towards her it was towards those I blamed who weren’t there to help. 3. Then I started bargaining “What if I had moved her to another hospital would she be alive still. 4. I spun into a depression but it was through the assistance of talking to friends, family, and counselors at my local church that I finally came to the last step. 5. Acceptance that I did the best that I could, that she was in a better place, and that I had to live because that what she would have wanted me to do.

I am quite sure there are others whose parents have been killed in accidents, gun violence, and more circumstances. I just pray that the children who are left behind find closure and the support to know they are not alone.

(AXELROD, 2014)

Patricia A. Saunders – Author of Through The Fire, Loving Me and Let It Rain books are poetry Published by Authorhouse Publishing.

If you have lost a loved one how do you handle grief

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In conclusion, if you have loss someone dear to you especially a parent please allow yourself to grieve. Go through the grieving process. There isn't a set time that it has to happen. I am finally at acceptance and its been eight years for myself.

Don't hold it all inside

Journal your feelings

Talk to someone


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