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How I loved my Sister after She The Untimely Death Of Her Loving Husband

Updated on October 23, 2016
nancynurse profile image

I am a wife, mother, Nana and Christian first. I graduated from UNCC with a BSN in Nursing and a minor in Psychology.

Never Alone

We love and we lift each other up
We love and we lift each other up

The Pearl

"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl."

Stephan Hoeller



Press the arrow to hear Laura Story's song Blessings

We Must Grieve

Source

Sisters

Sweet is the voice of a sister in the season of sorrow.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

Dedicated to My Sister

My sister, my dearest friend, lost her husband last Friday to cancer. We are only 22 months apart in age and she is my soul mate. I was with her most of the week. We spent much of the time trying to get him to eat and drink as he had lost his appetite and had a fear of nausea. He struggled through the week with periods of peace and coherency to utter agony. Finally on Thursday night a hospice nurse gave him Ativan and he had his first peaceful night in weeks. He never really recovered from his seeming relaxation the next day and as the hours wore on he became more and more restless. Around three in the afternoon his breathing became labored and it was clear he was fighting to breath. We sensed it was nearing the end but he would not let go. His sweet daughter knelt by his side and told him she would take care of mom and it was OK to go. Moments later he did let go and breathed his last breath and went home to God.

My sister loved her husband very much. She is a young women and never thought she would go through an ordeal as difficult as this at this stage of her life. She has one daughter, two adorable granddaughters . She also has 3 sisters including myself that adore her.

I watched everything going on that week so intently. I tried to be supportive but I knew there was no way I could take the wrenching pain from her. That was maybe the most difficult thing for me. This was and is a journey she has to take alone with the help of God.

As we went through the days I began to think about her future.

When does she clean out his closets? How does she sit down to meals alone that he once shared with her? Does she watch their favorite television programs and go to their old haunts or stay away for fear of stirring up too many memories? i know she must be in shock and feel totally alone to wake up to an empty house and to come home with no one to greet her after work. The loneliness must be unbearable right now.

My brother-in-law loved to do the shopping and cooking. He filled her gas tank and greeted her every night after work with dinner. ( He was disabled). He was her Prince Charming.

Tonight, one week later, is the first night she will spend alone in her home. I think about the loneliness and the pain she must feel. How do you go on without your soul mate, your best friend, your love, your companion, literally half of yourself? I can only pray that as each day passes she becomes stronger and is truly feeling the grace of God surrounding her.

I pray for sweet sleep for her tonight and for her daughter and granddaughters.

She does have a great job and I know that will help. Work will get her through the long hours of grief during the day but it is the evenings and long nights that I am most concerned for her. I will call but being 2 hours away leaves me at a loss.

I pray dear Lord that your peace that surpasses all understanding holds her up. Lord show me how to help her and be supportive of her . Give her strength and peace and help each Day be a little easier.

I know death is an ending but it is also a beginning. It was certainly a sweet beginning for Jesus, our Lord and Savior .Once my sister has the strength to get out of bed in the morning I pray she will find someone within herself she never even knew existed.

Maybe she becomes a new creature of God as her husband has now joined Him in heaven.I so hope she can once again enjoy the smell of fresh coffee and the beauty in a sunrise, the giggles of her granddaughters and the glory of God around her. For a little while she will be still and maybe even paralyzed but I pray dear Lord for you to give her the courage and strength to live again and feel again and know the joy of a new day again. Be with her tonight Lord. I love her so much. Please hold her tonight for me and Ernie.



Sisters

Sister's forever
Sister's forever | Source

We See God All Around Us

ALL is Well Poem on Loss

All Is Well
Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household world that it always was,
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.

Henry Scott Holland
1847-1918

My Sister's Beautiful Grandaughter

Photo by Nancy Mcclintock
Photo by Nancy Mcclintock

Comments

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  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    4 years ago from Southeast USA

    Priscilla I am so glad the poem helped you. I know it is a difficult road ahead but stay close to your sister and your love will help her through. In my prayers. Nancy

  • profile image

    priscilla 

    4 years ago

    My sister just lost her husband today from tuberculose dease after a long fight for his life.I'm out of words n strength to help or protect her.but ur poem n words healed my heart to make me strong for her to support her.

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    5 years ago from Southeast USA

    Thank you so much for sharing. It has been a little over a year now and my sister too has daily struggles to go on. It is so important to stay close and not forget the pain she is feeling. Your words help me feel less alone also.

  • FaithDream profile image

    FaithDream 

    5 years ago from (Midwest) USA

    What a beautiful hub... This story is very near to my heart as I walked with my sister as well after she lost her husband to cancer. It's been a couple of years now, but I can tell you that she is not the same person she was before her husband died. When he passed away, something deep inside her died too.

    I pray for her continuously as she lives her days without him. She lost her best friend, her partner, her lover, and she describes it as losing a limb. She is half of who she was.

    Thank you for telling this story. As families (sisters and brothers) we should be there for each other always, especially in their time of need.

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    5 years ago from Southeast USA

    I am so sorry to hear of your sister's loss. It is so heartbreaking to have a sister in so much pain. My sister is so much better now. She has had her ups and downs but every day I feel she is getting stronger. I love her so much. Thank you so much for sharing. I will remember her in my prayers.

  • profile image

    Madi V. 

    5 years ago

    My sister just lost her husband very unexpectedly a week ago at the young age of 36. She has 2 daughters, and also like your sister has 3 sisters (me and 2 others) who are all here helping every step of the way. Its been hard and tough, and sometimes we just don't know what to say to take away the hurt and pain. Lovely blog you have here, it hit very close to home :)

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    6 years ago from Southeast USA

    Thank you so much for your dear words. You and Gary are awesome friends to us.

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    6 years ago from Southeast USA

    She is doing much better. It has been one year. She has made quite a few changes in her life but nothing drastic. I am glad I am close enough to drive to see her often.Thanks so much for your kind words/

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    6 years ago from Southeast USA

    Thank you for reading you are a very tender person. She is doing well . One year later. Thanks for your sweet comments.

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    6 years ago from Southeast USA

    Thank you .I love my sister so much it was so natural to be with her.

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    6 years ago from Southeast USA

    Thank you so much

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    6 years ago from Southeast USA

    You are so kind and caring . Thanks for your kind comments. This year has been a growing and often difficult one for her. But she made it and is a stronger person for it.

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    6 years ago from Southeast USA

    You are so right. you sound like a special person. Thanks so much for your comments.

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    6 years ago from Southeast USA

    Thank you so much Ruth. Peggy is doing so much better now.One year later. Love you

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    6 years ago from Southeast USA

    Thank you ellen. It has been a long road but she is doing so much better

  • profile image

    ellen 

    6 years ago

    god will bless you...

  • Michelle Hertz profile image

    Michelle Hertz 

    6 years ago

    What a beautiful hub. It brought me to tears. Your sister is lucky to have such a great support system of family.

  • AnishG profile image

    AnishG 

    6 years ago from India

    Oh my, I'm so sorry. Your hub and the song brought a tear in my eye. Now that 4 months have passed, how is your sister now? I'm hoping she has moved on? Grief of losing loved ones sure lasts forever, but sigh, we really can't do anything about it, can we? All we can do is cherish their memories, be thankful for having had a chance of being with them at one time, and just move on.

    Such a sad truth: "Everyone I know, goes away.. in the end" - Johnny Cash, Hurt.

  • nancynurse profile imageAUTHOR

    Nancy McClintock 

    7 years ago from Southeast USA

    You are a dear friend . Your prayers are so appreciated. Thank you for your kind thoughts and love.Nancy

  • profile image

    Ruth S Whitley 

    7 years ago

    Nancy,This is such a beautiful expression of love and support for you sister. Not knowing what to do or what to say can be paralyzing but you have not stifled your outreach for fear of being awkward or intrusive. You are simply "there". She does and will have a private journey for many aspects of this different world she finds herself in. She will be trying to find her way. Having you there with love, support, encouragement, prayer, etc is the gift she needs for you. Thank you for expressing her story so respectfully and in such a quiet and beautiful way. She is in our prayers. You are in our prayers. I am so touched by your insights and wisdom. Love and prayers to you and your family. Ruth

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