Choosing to Love When Someone Hurts You
Get It Together_by India Arie
People were designed to be walking agents of love; to be loved and to give love. It's no surprise that not feeling affection is the heart of many emotional problems. Many have been hurt by peers, friends or loved ones. And though the saying goes "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt,"…the truth is that words and actions do hurt sometimes.
It's true that hurting people have the tendency to hurt others. Yes, some cause harm on purpose. However, many offenders aren't even aware that they have caused pain at all. Then, there are the times when family members may just have a negative way of displaying their love for kin without even realizing it.
The people that are closest to us have the potential to hurt us the most because we expect love from them. You may have a legitimate reason to be hurt and upset with another person because you were mistreated. Yet, be careful not to let the pain you feel turn into bitterness. This pain has the potential to lead to depression, uncontrollable anger and even physical issues if it continues to fester.
Acknowledge Your Pain
As stated before, those who hurt others are also hurting themselves. Most likely, it is hard for them to demonstrate proper love to others...even you. And not being able to give love properly doesn't mean that the person doesn't care about you. By no means, does it mean that it's okay for this person to continue hurting you. However, there is a freedom that comes along with letting the hurt from the past go.
Release your feelings in a healthy ways by:
·talking to a trusted friend
·expressing yourself through writing in a journal, music or art
·considering individual or family counseling with a professional counselor
Realize the possibility that the people who hurt you may never change their ways, but you can always choose forgiveness and move on. But, why forgive someone who has hurt you?
Waiting for someone else to change their ways/attitudes first in order to have peace within yourself is a losing battle. Bitterness only affects you; not the other person. Not forgiving that person gives him/her and that situation control over you and your emotions. No one should have that kind of power over you. Stay in control by loving them instead and feel better on the inside. This way, you relieve yourself of an unnecessary burden.
Love Conquers All
"Overcome evil with good."
Jesus says to "bless those who curse you, and pray for those who despitefully use you." Luke 6:28
Keep in mind that no one is perfect and that you too are loved unconditionally by God, despite your short comings. Make a decision to forgive those who hurt you...even those who may have failed at loving you. For your own peace, love them anyway.
As you go on, rest in the love that you know is ever present and for sure.
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