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Love Yourself So Others Can Love You Too

Updated on October 14, 2015

Why Love Yourself

For others to love you, you must love yourself. Loving yourself is not an ego building exercise. It is putting the negative self image away and realizing that the person you are is worth loving. The person that has shown compassion and love to others is worthy of being loved in return.

You must come to terms with the negative self image that you have taught yourself and change it. Negative self talk is a dangerous thing. It allows us to beat up on ourselves. Many of us do not even realize we do it.

Stopping the negative self talk is one of the hardest changes to make. But it can be done. Much of the self hate and the negative self talk comes from what was learned as a child. The great things is that the pain that was endured while a child can be overcome. There is no need to continue to hurt and belittle yourself.

Once you learn to stop the negative talk, you will project a better image to those that you come in contact with. Co-workers and family will begin to see the new happier you. This will start a domino effect in how people treat you. You will have defeating the negative energy that surrounds. Once people have gotten past that wall of self loathing, they will see the beauty and love that radiates from you.

At that point people will be able to give you the love they have been wanting to share.

Making The Change

Once the decision has been made to stop hurting ourselves with negative self talk, how do we go about changing that old habit?

1. Become aware of the ways you might put yourself down in conversation with others. Do you point out that you have gained weight, or make negative comments about your own appearance?

If you have gained weight, then it is not really necessary to point it out. If you are eating because of a low opinion of yourself , then repeating it to others will only make it worse. If you need to lose a few pounds, then work on losing the weight, but do not let that define you. You are not the extra weight around your middle. You are the entire person. The caring and giving person inside.

2. Become aware of the names that you call yourself when you make mistakes. Each time a name is called it reinforces that negative feeling about yourself.

Think about the two ways that you tear down your own self confidence and correct the behavior. Everyone makes mistakes. It is not uncommon at all. Calling yourself stupid because you take a misstep is not a sign of stupidity. Stumbling on a step will not bring your IQ down a few points. It simply means that you missed a step or stepped on a loose pebble or any number of reasons other than your intelligence. There are few people that have not slipped or stumbled and been embarrassed. It is simply an embarrassing event, it does not change the you inside.

Looking at ourselves with a critical eye is something we all do. If we are overly critical, then the you that is inside becomes wounded. When trying on clothes, it is hard to look in the mirror and not see the things about ourselves that we want to change, that is normal and not necessarily a negative thing. It is only when that view of ourselves takes over and becomes how we see ourselves that it becomes a negative behavior. Beating yourself up about the small mistakes or quirks in your personality is unhealthy.

The best way to begin the change is to talk to yourself the way you would talk to others. If a friend needs to lose a few pounds do you beat them up about it with words? If a friend forgets a word, a birthday or even physically falls down would you call that person stupid? You deserve to be spoken to in the same manner that you would speak to another person.

Become aware of how you speak to yourself when no one else is listening and then turn that negative behavior around. It is not easy, but you can stop the negative talk.

Once you have shown yourself that you are worth loving, you will see there are many other people in your life that have been trying to show you how much they love you too.


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    • vicki goodwin profile image

      Sojourner McConnell 4 years ago from Winchester Kentucky

      Thank you RCrumple, Khmazz and plasticocow for taking the time to read this hub. Thank you also for the kind words from you all and the words of wisdom that you shared with me, rcrumple. You are right about the inner beauty staying visible.

    • plastic0cow profile image

      Kenn Knight 4 years ago from Escanaba Michigan

      You have an amazing way with words!

    • khmazz profile image

      Kristen Mazzola 4 years ago from South Florida

      I was hooked right when I read the title, it is so true! Great hub!

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 5 years ago from Kentucky


      As age takes the outer beauty, wisdom allows us to understand the inner beauty is what's important. We just have to listen to its voice. Superficial beauty can be enhanced by all types of surgeries, but there is no doctor that can make a person's inner self more beautiful than it already is. Great Hub!

    • vicki goodwin profile image

      Sojourner McConnell 5 years ago from Winchester Kentucky

      The hardest negative voice to combat is our own. You are worth protecting from that mean inner voice. Remember that the words of others are not true. The internal voice that puts us down and tries to convince us that we have no value is wrong too. Start by finding the positive things that our children and friends see in us. Believe it or not, it can be stopped and the negative things can become positives.

    • Nat Amaral profile image

      Nat Amaral 5 years ago from BC Canada

      I so need to learn to understand this. I was picked on so much as a child. I guess that's why I always believe the negative things about myself. Thanks for writing this.

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 5 years ago from Florida

      Such a great Hub! We have to love ourselves in order for others to love us; that is SO true. I think I love myself (at least most of the time)

      I voted this Hub UP, etc. and will share.

    • vicki goodwin profile image

      Sojourner McConnell 6 years ago from Winchester Kentucky

      That is very true about respect. Thank you for the comment and taking time to read this hub.

    • kingphilipIV profile image

      Ramphil Basco 6 years ago from Iloilo, Philippines

      Hello Vicky,

      This is a nice hub and thank you for your great advice. It is really true that when you want others to love you, you need first to love yourself.. same with respect.. :) Thank you Vicky..

      King Philip IV

    • vicki goodwin profile image

      Sojourner McConnell 6 years ago from Winchester Kentucky

      Thank you Ms. Dora. That is a verse I had not read in this context. I so appreciate you sharing that with me. It is yet another reason to be kind to and about ourselves.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 6 years ago from The Caribbean

      Great advice. There's a Bible verse in which God tells the Hebrews, "I will do to you whatever I hear you say."

    • vicki goodwin profile image

      Sojourner McConnell 6 years ago from Winchester Kentucky

      I am touched by both your comments and your willingness to share my page with your friends. Thank you for taking the time to read the article. It is a message that I believe we all need to know, and a message that I have struggled to remember myself.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago

      ......profound words of wisdom and guidance and I will post this most essential hub subject to my Facebook page with a direct link back here to promote your great writing - and yes your thoughts here are very inspiring

      lake erie time ontario canada 9:38am

    • vicki goodwin profile image

      Sojourner McConnell 6 years ago from Winchester Kentucky

      So true. It is a healthy step to take. Thank you for commenting.

    • thirdmillenium profile image

      thirdmillenium 6 years ago from Here, There, Everywhere

      yeah, it is an absolute truth that loving yourself is not feeding your ego.

    • vicki goodwin profile image

      Sojourner McConnell 6 years ago from Winchester Kentucky

      Thank you for your vote and for your kind words. Trying to remind myself and my children of this made me realize that people need to hear this more often. To keep the little voices of negativity at bay. Thank you Kitty and Marcoujor for your comments!

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 6 years ago from Jeffersonville PA


      I love the title and every word of this article. You have dished out some valuable words of wisdom that are good reminders for us all. Voted UP & UABI, mar.

    • TattooKitty profile image

      TattooKitty 6 years ago from Hawaii

      Excellent hub! I love that you remind people to be aware of that inner-dialogue. We are always our harshest critics and it's important to stop from allowing that negative energy to shut us down! Voted up and awesome!

    • vicki goodwin profile image

      Sojourner McConnell 7 years ago from Winchester Kentucky

      Thank you for reading the hub and your very kind comment. I believe it is one secret that needs to be told.

    • crystolite profile image

      Emma 7 years ago from Houston TX

      Great hub that teaches you must love yourself before you expect people around to love,thanks for sharing this secret.

    • vicki goodwin profile image

      Sojourner McConnell 7 years ago from Winchester Kentucky

      Thank you Jeremey. I appreciate your kind words. It seems to be the root of many problems with self esteem.

      CMHypno that was one point I really wanted to convey. It is so important to know that we deserve to be as considerate to ourselves as we are to others. Thank you for taking your time to read the hub.

    • CMHypno profile image

      CMHypno 7 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

      Interesting points on how to talk to yourself. So many people are much harsher with themselves than they ever would be with others, so we all must learn to be nice to ourselves.

    • Jeremey profile image

      Jeremey 7 years ago from Arizona

      Very nice, very true, and something each of I am sure has strugglerd with at one point or another in our lives! Worthy read and good to know there are still some kind hearted souls out there. God Bless.

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 7 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      Thank you, Vicki, for "you are beautiful" comment, but it is my favourite picture from 1993. I was 23, no, even 22 at the time.

      Now I am forty and not "as beautiful", of course. I am intending to write a hub "I am Beautiful", it has a lot to do with the self-image as well, more in a comical way.

      I know what you are talking about, yet subconsciously it is very hard. I am courageous, as my doctor says, but battling those failures of mine - it is a nightmare!

      I am underachiever and there is one hub on the make as well. LOL

      Believe me, I am trying and I know that if it is so difficult for me with all my knowledge and aptitude, how hard it is for others? Who really have low self-esteem, who are truly lonely, who have serious challenges?

      I feel very empathetic.

      I think every effort counts, when you write something encouraging or you say a kind word. It always goes a long way.

      Thank you again for writing,

    • vicki goodwin profile image

      Sojourner McConnell 7 years ago from Winchester Kentucky

      It takes a while for a habit to form. After repeating to ourselves for years the negative, it does take a conscious effort to change the way we talk to and about ourselves. I see your picture and you are beautiful. Unfortunately by saying that you feel like a loser does encourage negative things into your life. Resist labeling yourself. Thank you for reading and commenting, now I am off to read your hubs :) I think you will have a lot to say!

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 7 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      I agree with you that changing self-image is very hard. I am still struggling. I might repeat "I am beautiful", but deep down I still don't believe it.

      And I feel like a loser and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

      In general, change is easier said than done. Especially change in our self-image. It requires constant conscious thinking. But it is so true.

      All the best,