- Mental Health»
Love Yourself So Others Can Love You Too
Why Love Yourself
For others to love you, you must love yourself. Loving yourself is not an ego building exercise. It is putting the negative self image away and realizing that the person you are is worth loving. The person that has shown compassion and love to others is worthy of being loved in return.
You must come to terms with the negative self image that you have taught yourself and change it. Negative self talk is a dangerous thing. It allows us to beat up on ourselves. Many of us do not even realize we do it.
Stopping the negative self talk is one of the hardest changes to make. But it can be done. Much of the self hate and the negative self talk comes from what was learned as a child. The great things is that the pain that was endured while a child can be overcome. There is no need to continue to hurt and belittle yourself.
Once you learn to stop the negative talk, you will project a better image to those that you come in contact with. Co-workers and family will begin to see the new happier you. This will start a domino effect in how people treat you. You will have defeating the negative energy that surrounds. Once people have gotten past that wall of self loathing, they will see the beauty and love that radiates from you.
At that point people will be able to give you the love they have been wanting to share.
Making The Change
Once the decision has been made to stop hurting ourselves with negative self talk, how do we go about changing that old habit?
1. Become aware of the ways you might put yourself down in conversation with others. Do you point out that you have gained weight, or make negative comments about your own appearance?
If you have gained weight, then it is not really necessary to point it out. If you are eating because of a low opinion of yourself , then repeating it to others will only make it worse. If you need to lose a few pounds, then work on losing the weight, but do not let that define you. You are not the extra weight around your middle. You are the entire person. The caring and giving person inside.
2. Become aware of the names that you call yourself when you make mistakes. Each time a name is called it reinforces that negative feeling about yourself.
Think about the two ways that you tear down your own self confidence and correct the behavior. Everyone makes mistakes. It is not uncommon at all. Calling yourself stupid because you take a misstep is not a sign of stupidity. Stumbling on a step will not bring your IQ down a few points. It simply means that you missed a step or stepped on a loose pebble or any number of reasons other than your intelligence. There are few people that have not slipped or stumbled and been embarrassed. It is simply an embarrassing event, it does not change the you inside.
Looking at ourselves with a critical eye is something we all do. If we are overly critical, then the you that is inside becomes wounded. When trying on clothes, it is hard to look in the mirror and not see the things about ourselves that we want to change, that is normal and not necessarily a negative thing. It is only when that view of ourselves takes over and becomes how we see ourselves that it becomes a negative behavior. Beating yourself up about the small mistakes or quirks in your personality is unhealthy.
The best way to begin the change is to talk to yourself the way you would talk to others. If a friend needs to lose a few pounds do you beat them up about it with words? If a friend forgets a word, a birthday or even physically falls down would you call that person stupid? You deserve to be spoken to in the same manner that you would speak to another person.
Become aware of how you speak to yourself when no one else is listening and then turn that negative behavior around. It is not easy, but you can stop the negative talk.
Once you have shown yourself that you are worth loving, you will see there are many other people in your life that have been trying to show you how much they love you too.