Machismo and Other Male Turnoffs
Manly Dude vs. Macho-Man
Machismo is not about manliness as a natural set of characteristics that make a man different from a woman----not even in their most pronounced aspects, like a deep, raspy voice, hairy chest, leather-like skin, or an athletic physique. And neither is it about those men rough around their edges due to a lack of mannerisms.
Rather, it's about an attitude, a deliberate insistence on a fabricated manliness, actually a defensive front used by a sensitive and often insecure man who can't stand the idea of others spotting that in him. So he is throwing his weight around acting rough and tough, at times even violent. In a confrontation with another man he would rather risk his butt being kicked than back off and admit his soft side.
On the other hand, a manly guy is not a hot-head, he has nothing to prove about himself to the others, and by finding himself in a testing situation he may retreat if it's prudent to do so.
A manly man doesn't even have to be endowed with any typical physical advantages that would single him out from a crowd as impressive.
As for an example, take Audie Murphy, an actor with a boyish face who was the most ordained hero in the WW2. Indeed, a truly manly man is not advertising it to anybody---and yet, you will somehow feel his vibes of inner strength and stability as you meet him.
A Rough Turnoff
However, let's talk a bit about how this attitude of machismo presents a turnoff in the eyes of women with a mature taste. Namely, the most of such women are more attracted to man's personality than his looks that would include a pronounced manliness. While a good appearance is often taken for a universal passport to a "lobby of woman's heart", macho is not likely to advance farther than that.
Macho only needs a woman as a mirror of his exaggerated manliness. Oftentimes it gets a little funny while he can't contain his soft side teased by woman's gentle nature, so some of it leaks compromising his tough armor. Trying to bounce back to his image he regularly does some damage to the relationship with some abusive language and obnoxious behavior.
He often displays his immature emotionality by "reintroducing himself" with claims about his strong sides---like: "I am this and that kind of a guy". It comes from his insecurity, as he has to remind others "who they are dealing with".
That immaturity also comes out through a frequent uses of "I like...I don't like...I want...I don't want"---since that's what kids are basically preoccupied with.
Some Like Them Tough
Since "there is someone for everyone out there", some women do get impressed by a macho type. Those are generally women with a pronounced emotionality, often "sensually overactive"---to use this mild expression.
Somewhat like driven by a primitive urge of "natural selection" and willing to mate only with a sample of an "alpha in the pack", such women don't seem to be endowed with some more cultivated needs in their relationships.
As such, they are usually a great support to a macho's agenda because they don't expect him to display any other qualities.
Opposite from the ones described is another type of women who may fall for a macho. They are timid and suggestible, often naïve by nature, unable to resist his assertive and imposing advances. She often talks about "love at first sight", and is acting more like his obedient pet than like an equal in the relationship.
This type of women are even more suitable to a macho, because somewhere on their gut level they are both softies complimenting each other, and he doesn't feel challenged and tested by a stronger nature.
Handsome and Conceited
This is another type of men that women should check out carefully before jumping into a relationship, the one that could be called a "pretty face predator". Such a fellow has a sort of a narcissistic attitude, ever since he succeeded convincing himself about his "irresistible attractiveness" which should be enough to knock every woman on her religious knees in front of his stature of a Greek god.
There is nothing neurotic about this type; on the contrary---they are very confident and oftentimes cynical about general values of a good relationship. In other words, they could be quite mean and demanding in their self-centeredness. It's a good idea for a woman who is not sure to check out who his friends are, even though his female enemies could tell a much more interesting story about him---especially if they coincide with his ex-girlfriends.
By all means, be careful if you run into him in a bar or at a dance, where a drink or two may get you off guard, and the sensually loaded ambient of those bodies in motion won't let you think clearly, so you may end up letting him think for you.
Other than a macho and a pretty face, there is another type of male turnoffs, often portrayed in the movies by that master of a neurotic image Woody Allen. Except to those women of a pronounced motherly instinct, such a fellow doesn't have much to invest into a relationship.
You are bound to play his therapist for the whole duration of his hanging around your good and understanding heart. However, he has that certain undeniable boyish charm that many women may find attractive, especially those who got burnt in a previous relationship by either a macho or a pretty face, or any other manipulative type.
Almost as if he is saying: "I know you find nothing special about me, so give me your best shot because I am used to that treatment". A neurotic dude may feel like a dash of a fresh air, and it may even have a strong sensual overtone, as she gets impressed with how grateful he is for every little sign of affection---let alone a big one.
Except for the motherly type, it may also take a very insecure woman, or her opposite---a control freak, to fall for a neurotic dude. The former will find her "soul-mate" in someone with same inner issues, and the latter will find a "yes-dear" sucker for her need to have an upper hand in relationship.
But careful: unless you want to have a lasting relationship with the guy, don't break his heart by pulling out of your little adventure, leaving him in a real emotional mess. For, all you really have to do is give him a kiss on the cheek, and he'll be under your window at night hoping to see your shadow on your curtains.
Secretly "Married" to His Mom
If anything can drive a woman in love crazy, it's the realization---sometimes too late ---that the love of her life is a mama's boy. At first, it's that unbearable idea that she is about to share her man with another woman, even if she is only a mother.
Secondly, it's that scary and cooling effect upon realizing that she is starting to feel less of a respect for this grownup man clinging to his mother for whatever "special" emotional needs.
And finally, the biggest "dumpling to swallow" is her knowing how his mother is secretly triumphing over keeping her down as "second-by-importance". While that movie "Monster-In Law" gave this theme a series of funny twists and turns and a happy ending, in the real life it may turn into a true nightmare. I have witnessed a few cases where "monster-in-law" was a sheer understatement.
I have done another article exclusively dealing with this theme---if you care to visit it for more details, and also for a strategy being suggested: "How to Win Your Battle with a Meddlesome Mother-In-Law".
His Friends---Your Foes
Competing with his friends for attention is another nightmare that's better to be avoided in time. Love can actually become too lenient, so out of a good and generous heart she may convince herself to give her man "some space".
However, like so many other things that may spoil a relationship just because they are not practiced in moderation, this one may turn sweetness of love into something of a sour taste.
It goes without saying, friends are a must in life, whether we are single, dating, or married. It only becomes a problem when to this particular type of a guy his stag party never seems to have ended. I am talking about friends who will bang on your door on Sunday morning, make themselves comfortable in your living room, and even help themselves with that cake in the fridge that you prepared for the visit of your parents in the afternoon.
And then, as if that was not enough to start hating your hubby's friends, maybe even his beloved dog, they drag him to a football game. Well, you do get a kiss at the door, and that should make it O.K.
So, it could be a good idea to check "how much" friends mean to your boyfriend, before it turns into your serving them coffee and sandwiches, and bring them beer--- while they are all watching a game on your TV.
Need for Constant Reassurance
However, one of the least forgivable behaviors is a certain type's compulsive flirting with women---in front of his girlfriend's nose. Such a fellow should have experimented with dating long before he pretended to be ready for a relationship.
Like John Wayne said in that old movie "North to Alaska" : "Better make many women happy than make one miserable". Out of his sexual insecurities, such a guy needs a constant reassurance that he's "still got it", while making his girlfriend jealous in the process, as if saying "Look, consider yourself lucky, because I've got so many other opportunities."
A similar attitude to the one of a pretty face type, except that this one is doing it out of insecurity, and the other one for feeding his precious ego.
There are many men out there who are simply not ready for a functional relationship, and this type may never be ready, because, beside his insecurities he also has a zero sense of respect for a woman he is dating, or a respect for himself, while everyone sees what he is doing.
Love Can Be a Bad Adviser
The mentioned ones are few of the main types of male turnoffs--however, there are those who may be of a mixed kind. So, for an example, a neurotic mama's boy may seek a woman with characteristics of a control freak to play his surrogate mom, since he is used to having his mom making decisions--while on top of that acting like a macho to cover it all up.
Nevertheless, it's sometimes hard to understand, no matter how much we try, why some women sacrifice their happiness, and oftentimes their self-esteem for a dysfunctional relationship. It's true, many men display their true colors only after they feel how they don't have to work on winning her heart anymore.
Although, even those well meaning guys try to advertise their best during that initial phase of the relationship---every male mating animal does it---and their mild imperfections that surface afterwards are forgivable. But here we have been talking about some extremes, with those easily detectable personality flaws which should turn off the interest of any woman of a cultivated taste.
So, again, it always comes as a surprise to me that some women fall for any of the types mentioned, as if they were pushed into the relationship without having a say in that matter. In my warnings, I did not mention those real extremes, like alcoholics, druggies, woman-beaters, chronic non-providers, and alike.
I assumed that they are too obvious specimens of easily recognizable male turnoffs. As I undertook to write on this theme, it was my hope that some female reader somewhere may think twice before giving in to her heart's hasty falling for a guy that may compromise her happiness and possibly make a nightmare out of her years ahead.
© 2015 Val Karas