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Magic of an Outrageous Emotional Self-Control

Updated on October 8, 2018
ValKaras profile image

Val is a life-long practically oriented student of effective emotional and attitudinal responses to the many challenges of life.

Let's Be Playful a Little

These days there is no lack of awareness about the multiple benefits from exercising---some pertaining to health, others to beauty. And yet, we are not likely to see someone having opened anything like a "brain-gym", with possible mental gadgets for deep meditation, self-hypnotic re-programming, alpha-brain-wave training...whatever, that would advance us mentally.

While I am not planning to be the first one to do it, at least, in this little article I am about to offer you a mini version of something that has a potential to increase your ability to use your mind for an emotional self control. Later on I will explain the part of the title which calls it "outrageous", but the magic just could happen, all depending on your willingness to once more use your mind the way you did it as a kid.

Imagination - Working for Us and against Us

Neuro-scientists are telling us that our subconscious part of the mind---which is responsible for 90-something percent of our total mental activities---can't tell the difference between a real and imagined experience. Just for an example, did you know that just by vividly imagining your sit-ups you could lose your stomach fat?

We all know from personal experiences those instances when we over-reacted to something that turned out to be false. Imagination can certainly play a trick or two on us, and the psycho-therapy textbooks are filled with examples of the folks being "emotionally fixated" on a traumatic experience of childhood that was completely unrealistic.

I mean something like "not being loved", or every dog, including tiny puppies being "dangerous", not to go into the rest of the garden variety of nonsensical phobias--- all figments of a dark and powerful imagination.

Emotional Magic Is just a Make-Believe Event

When you were a kid, you must have played a mother with your doll, or those heroic make-believe games--- and it's only your present age that would make a difference between you "being" a Tarzan, Flash Gordon, Prince Valiant, Cisco Kid--- or Superman, Captain America, or Spiderman.

Well, would you like to play that make-believe game once more? This time being another kind of a hero, an Emotion-Controller, someone who could produce at will some peace, or happiness, even a bliss.

Just like the rest of us "serious, and down-to-earth grownups" you must have discarded as silly a possibility of experiencing something like magic in your life. In your book of life, "happiness has to be deserved by some effort"---not triggered by some abracadabra-hocus-pocus nonsense. Now, how do you know, if you never tried?

Feedback Signals

It was only recently that I tried to put into words something that I have been only intuitively successful with for quite some time.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that from my general knowledge about the mind came handy, before I got the full picture of what was at work.

O.K., being goal-oriented by nature, our nervous system has a built-in feedback mechanism, which is telling us when we have been successful and when we are off-course. Every plane has it, or a torpedo. Otherwise, we would be doing something a wrong way without being aware of a need to correct it.

Practicing Positive Feedback Instead

Our feedback mechanism is particularly useful in our learning process, so that we don't learn something a wrong way.

Now, if we are like the most of others, our negative feedback mechanism has become too trigger-happy. Namely, from an early age our free expression got molded to make us "socially acceptable"; and while that's one of those unavoidable givens in life, it also installed a bunch of brakes into our personality makeup---operated by a negative feedback mechanism.

Whether we are aware of it or not, it causes too many "zig-zags" in our performance, as it constantly calls for a "correction". In other words, we are unconsciously not really ready to go in a "straight line" in life---to simply allow that best in us to express itself.

Over time we even lose a touch with that best in us, as life has just become a series of over-corrections. No wonder that we are more aware of what we don't want than what we do want.

That's why we can enormously benefit by practicing "positive feedback", to counteract the negative one that has become something like a default part of our nature. And we can do it---to amaze ourselves with results, by using our imagination.

It won't be just "imagining" but also a mental act of something that I coined "closing the sequence". O.K., nothing too technical, don't worry.

Majority Wins

We might as well start by seeing the difference between a closed and an open sequence. Whatever we are about to do, it starts with an intention, followed by an action, followed by either succeeding or not.

When we succeed, we have closed the sequence; when we don't, the sequence stays open for any result---either our giving up, trying again, modifying it.

Since we are focusing here on some mental work, how do we close the sequence after telling ourselves "I am feeling great"---and nothing happens?

By mixing it with a couple of closed sequences. For example, if I say to myself in this order: "I am a man; and I am 73 years old, and it's Sunday, and it's raining out there, and I am feeling great"---my mind will, normally, recognize the first few statements as true, and the last one as false.

However, what happens when I keep mixing these closed sequences with an open one? After a while, the mind gets confused over which is right and which is wrong, and since most of them are right, it will close the open ones as well.

Whatever Works

You see, that's exactly what makes liars (read: politicians) so successful---they mix a lie into a few obviously-true statements and we "swallow the bitter pill with a spoonful of sugar". At the beginning of this article I started by saying how important physical exercises are. But, when you really think of them, most of them look absolutely silly, don't they?

So you see a dude pedalling a bicycle like crazy and moving nowhere. And you see another one huffing and puffing as he does another crazy thing, which has nothing to do with any of those normal activities of the day.

By the same token, you might call this mental exercise all kind of names, because people "really" don't lie to themselves swallowing a lie in a sandwich of two pieces of truth. But, like my doctor said after I told him how I had cured an ugly polyp on my foot with my mind and hand passes of so called Pranic healing - "Whatever works."

You've Been Doing It All Along

When my late father was convincing himself that he was speaking English, in his mind those couple (sometimes more) correctly pronounced words meant that "all" the rest were correct as well. He tricked his feedback mechanism into giving "O.K." signals---consequently learning most of his words incorrectly.

Canada is a multi-cultural society, not a melting pot, and no one here is fussing much over people's accents or wrongly pronounced, even misused words. So we are all "shakespeares" here, except maybe for a few "hemingways". Which is a simple proof that we could also use this for making ourselves feel relaxed, or happy, or confident, or anything.

The craziest about all this is that most of us have already been using it in a negative way all of our lives. Take a person who told herself a few times as a kid that she was "not attractive", and she bought it as true, even though people were telling her that she was beautiful. Mixing lies with truth may work both ways, oftentimes depending on the emotion attached to it. And that's the next thing to learn.

Say It with a Feeeeeling

Those experiences that get imprinted into our subconscious mind as "true" are mostly the ones that have a strong emotional charge attached to them. Look how hard it is to learn some new material if you feel bored. Then change it by adding some ambition to pass the test with a high mark, and there you go absorbing everything with no problem.

Likewise, as you are doing these exercises of closing these open sequences, put some enthusiasm into it. Breathe deeper, put a little Mona Lisa smile on your face and let those statements, both true and the false one echo within your whole being.

You can even improvise a little, so put a winner's "Yes!" in front, like: "Yes! I AM a man, and YES! I AM 73 years old, and YES! look, I AM feeling divinely blissful!" You can take your mind for a little ride, and continue like this : "Here, I DON'T believe it, and it all sounds SILLY, and THAT'S EXACTLY WHY I AM feeling so divinely blissful!" This is Ericsonian hypnotic twist to it---confusing the mind with absurd non-sequiturs. When mind is confused with illogical causality, it is more suggestible.

Be That Wizard

Now you understand why my title calls it "outrageous". You are not supposed to be sensible, logical, or even "normal", simply because none of these qualities are ever present in make-believe games, and even less in magic.

If you persist doing it for a while, a totally new dimension of your capabilities will open right in front of your eyes. And you may get some incredible insights about the way that your mind has been operating all along.

You may even go quite philosophical about "what really is truth", as so much in your belief system will look like nothing more than exactly that---a make-believe stuff. Somewhere back there we closed an open sequence that started with nothing but an appearance, and then it made its way into the fund of our convictions, even though it was only ourselves who made a "fact" out of it.

So, here you got it. Up to you if you would care to once more hire that kid in yourself to explain to you "what reality is all about"---and then, with a devilish smirk on your face change something about your emotional daily routine. In the privacy of your mind no one will be stopping you.


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    • ValKaras profile imageAUTHOR

      Vladimir Karas 

      2 years ago from Canada

      Allen, my young friend (why not "young" if we choose so?, 71 is just a number of our trips around the Sun) - Go for it, be the champ, and even if you are not - feel like one, because we do everything in life just for that feeling, right?(the pleasure principle they call it). Make believe and experience the magic.

      Just remember how many celebrities who really made it in life feel crappy on the daily basis, and what's all that fame for, if the feeling is missing? So, yes, you are the winner, my good friend, as long as your "71 year old arse" chooses to feel that way. Congratulations! I just won a few things this morning myself, I don't even know what they are, but it feels damn good! - Always your friend Val

    • Aliswell profile image


      2 years ago from Iowa

      Val my Old Friend, I will as of right this moment whilst sitting on my 71 Year Old Arse, listening to probably my most favorite outside normality music "Enigma"-insert the end part of the open equation "tomorrow I win my Golf Club championship, and become the oldest and highest odds against, type to do so!"

    • ValKaras profile imageAUTHOR

      Vladimir Karas 

      2 years ago from Canada

      Michael, my dear friend,

      In these 11 months that I have been at Hub Pages, you were among the first of my commenters; and I must say it's not easy to live up to those flattering words of so many of your comments. However, I also sensed in many of them that you wanted to disagree about something, but you didn't.

      It doesn't have to be an "argument" my friend, I will always respect your opinion. I know basically where you are coming from, I know you are very religious and wise man, so your faith must have done you a lot of good. I respect that. We are of a different mindset when it comes to religion, but I am basically into psycho-philosophy of living, and if your faith is benefitting you - as it appears to be the case - then our differences don't really matter, because "end justifies the means".

      So, feel free to disagree with me, my friend, it will never turn into an "argument". - Always your friend Val.

    • Michael-Milec profile image


      2 years ago

      Dear Vladimir, most of your articles are more than well prepared for and presented; I know because after reading them nothing I want to say - this I want you to know. Why I do not want to comment on your wisdom and cleverly composed articlec? Simply I do not know what to say due to several reason. Today as I was contemplating a possible in one word reason, this came to my mind: 'An argument is clear justification for disagreement’.

      Naturally I do "despise" arguments; it's just not worth time and effort, plus I am a very busy person venturing to do right things right.

      So you have it my friend. Good evening and good night.


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