Maybe I Don't Want to be read
Writing has been my thing since a long time ago, maybe because there was no one to talk about my thoughts, or because everyone around me thinks that I'm "way dramatic" whenever I express my opinion. Despite my insane desire of telling the people the way I feel, I think that maybe some of the bits I write are made only for strangers.
A Couple of minutes ago I was reading a little text someone wrote for her father, and suddenly I was deeply moved by that incondicional love They both shared, and then I just though, I wish I could have that, and I wrote that comment on her post. It was easy because my name was not submitted, I though about how easy was for me to write that comment being anonymous. It was fine I guess, because it was a love comment; I wouldn't never hide my self behind a hate one,but the thing is that It doesn't matter what kind of comment it was, after seconds I decided that it was better to keep that thoughts only for My self.
Despite the thousand comments that I've got my entire life about me being "so loud, dramatic or challenging" (thank you sister), I know I'm not, cause I haven't even show fully my opinion. The way I've been expressing My self, and the way that I've been dealing with My life, good, bad, but more than anything shitty moments, is writing. That's the reason of my journals, lost journals (again, thank you sister), this "blog", and some letters. Certainly, I really prefer express myself with strangers, that with my close ones. There are obviously valuable exceptions as You may know.
If You ask me, no, I wouldn't like to be read by my mom, sister, close friends. No, because it's my mind and heart put in words, and also I think that if they describe me with those words whenever they hear me, what's the matter on reading me?. And yes, that sound pretty much like a complain paragraph.
The truth is that yes, I wish i had that, that deeply unconditional requited love. I don't. it's not my fault, besides my actual attempts, I don't, and Yes, sometimes it really moves me, like today. I wanted to share this, because it makes me honest, and because that's the way that I like to be read, just some verses of what I'm feeling without nothing but that.
I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, and Im about to write a new blog rn so before posting a new one I wanted to publish this. Im not changing a thing, I don't actually remember what was the whole article about, I didn't even read it cause I don't wanna change a thing, because this is the way I felt, So. Thank you for reading me if there's anyone out there, and please let me know if there is, it is really important for me. I always leave you a quote before saying good bye, this time I'll just live a though that's currently living in my heart, even more than in my head:
"It was never enough, no matter how much I tried".
Bye guys. Thank You for reading me