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Me the Butterfly Effect

Updated on June 5, 2012

Acceptance and Self Love

One of the biggest issues I've had on this journey of life is feeling ugly and unattractive. Being ill and in pain plays with your emotions, it makes you dull, depressed, tired and sometimes you look up and say: what is all of this for? why am I here? what does it all mean?

I use to go back and for between times of GREAT sorrow, and defeated-ness to being on cloud nine. I can truly say, though, that its not my life anymore. I have learned something and I would like to scream it from the roof-tops. YOU ARE NOT YOUR DISEASE!!!

I can speak from experience on this because when you're ill you begin to get consumed with appointments and exams etc. But if you really think about its NOT who you are, its just an obstacle in your life and thats how you should perceive it. Obstacles are meant to be conquered and overcome not cripple and when I accepted that Lupus is not MY Lupus but a disease that I had to work with, I began to live again. I used to say oh my plans are ruined, now I say I didn't get to do that now but it is still on my list of things to do. Don't get me wrong, I still have heard days and sad days, but the difference is now I know that JOY COMES IN THE MORNING and that MY TROUBLES ARE TEMPORARY...

I learned my name means "Butterfly" over a decade age and I thought that it was so fitting to who I was. As a child I had so many insecurities and doubts about my own future but now as a woman I'm confident in who I am and where I am. I'm a leader in my church, I've acquired my BA in Psychology (and look forward to an MA next year), I also have a Certificate in Vet Assisting, I'm a great cook and I'm surrounded by love. I have come out of my cocoon and have come out beautiful and complete.

I challenge my readers to list all their own great qualities, and if you're ill look in the mirror and say this is just part of my life NOT who I am. The caterpillar spends time in a cocoon and when the butterfly is ready to come out it makes a tight little whole to squeeze through. This tight little whole (obstacle) serves a purpose. As it comes out, the tight-ness helps scrape off all of the excess mucous left on the wings; if the butterfly carried all of that junk around it would not be able to effectively fly. In the same way you're obstacle creates character and color in you so that you can be free to fly and achieve all that your heart desires.

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      your biggest fan and NYU rheumatologist 4 years ago

      Vanessa,

      This website you have created is truly inspirational, and I am always impressed by your conviction and refreshing attitude which continues to allow you to overcome your medical obstacles. I learn from you every time I see you. thanks for sharing this !

    • Lupusmyjourney profile image
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      Lupusmyjourney 4 years ago from New York, NY

      Hello Doctor,

      Thanks for those encouraging words. And I truly believe that it is Doctors like you that keep me going. I have a team of doctors who are always cheering me on, supporting me and are vigilant about my care. Thank you

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