Many of us have experienced some sort of mental shock sometime in our lives for different reasons and depending on everyday circumstances. I have experienced recently things in my life that had me shutting down quickly. Especially when you have a mental illness that seems hard enough to handle. it's hard to deal with so many things that come your way when you are unprepared, but I guess that's life. It's been awhile since I have written anything my life has been a total mess and nightmare.
Sometime's I wonder if anybody is going to meet me on the other end to see me through, it's obvious that I am depressed. Sometime's it hard to make sense of things because your heart, mind and soul are so confused about how to react, due to feeling numb. What do you do when you have trusted someone with everything about you and then boom! Then the are just suddenly gone.
It hurt's doesn't it? First come's the news that causes a mind blowing mental shock, then you can just feel your heart drop. Then you become deaf to the world around you just becomes still, your world is no longer going round. I crawl into bed in a fetal position wondering what just happened. I don't know where I am going with this...I guess because I'm still in the shock of what has happened like a ton of bricks just dropped down upon your shoulders.
I guess I don't know how to feel right now...I'm sure many of you have lost someone who played such a great part of your life. Identity was a great big part of who you are because of them and then when they are gone you feel so lost...you can't focus, you can't think due to being in shock. Going through days of being numb and is it okay to cry, because after all is it even real??
Yes, it is real so now what? I guess I am at a loss on how to continue walking forward, and does anybody understand? Reality sucks, because it can be so cruel to where you want to turn your back and walk a hundred miles away in the opposite direction. It's so loud inside my head that I cannot hear this is such a sad state of mind I can't shake it off as easily as maybe others could or would. I'm just walking in the dark can't see where I'm going hoping to see a light somewhere ahead...despair is straight ahead so what can I do to get out of here...