Mental Tapioca: The Importantance of Caring
Caring for others is important. Being able to help those who reach out for help is one of the greatest rewards. The problem is when caring becomes misinterpted as something much more. Feelings are tricky ground for we in recovery. We have not truly felt in so long; that when we start to experience things we are like new borns seeing, touching, feeling again for the first type. Which means everything is incrediblely big; we experience BIG highs and BIG lows. In time these do level off.
Many of us come into recovery emotionally damaged, and so twisted due to the people we had as a "relationship" in our using lives. Whether we were emotionally, mentally, or physically abuse. Our esteem maybe shattered into 1000 pieces, or maybe we were the shatterer or abuser and we had hurt the ones that we alledgedly "love." It's no wonder that once we become part of recovery, we mistake genuine, care or concern for something much more.
Suddenly many of us find ourselves in a strannge foreign land of being without anyone in our lives. Many of us may have never been without being with someone for a majority of our lives, and facing ourselves alone in recovery maybe scary, unsettling, and uncomfortable. Because for the first time in our lives we have to identify ourselves as an individual and not as an extension of someone else or the luxury of hiding behind the guise of the false sense of strength that the fasade of "cardboard anchor" gives us. We have to turn and face ourselves and see ourselves for who we truely are.
Maybe one day we find ourselves in a situation were someone starts to some concern or care for what is going on in our lives, because we have "put it out there" so we can get it off our chests and also gain the knowledge of how others have handled the same experience. None the less someone starts to show a little concern and cares for a fellow addict (in the business world we would call this a follow-up) just for no other reason, but check up and see what direction the situation is turning. Maybe they make conversation or small talk, just real people do to interact, for nothing more than to be social. Some how these simple social graces get misinterpted by us (mainly because we are not used to normal interactions that the rest of the world has) as feelings, or desire. And we in our twisted little minds think that we are "in love" or that we are developing an emotional state, and feelings for that person. Just because this person is paying attention, listen or sharing a humorous moment with us. This may not be the case at all, we are then confusing being social as something more.
Then the crap really starts to hit the fan, because in our minds, there is something going on. We start to believe in our minds that much more is real happening. Then you decide to make the step and proclaim your bold proclamation in a less than proper manner. Suddenly you are left standing there in shock, awe and angry when this person does return with the same response or feelings. So than you feel humiliated, disguntaled, and embarassed. If you really listen to yourself, or think about your thoughts some of them sound like Glen Close in "fatal Attraction." Now you have not only lost a friend, but also things are now left to an uncomfortable mess, and you now have to deal what you believe is rejection. All because what you believed was reality, is only an illusion created by a misguided thinking process.
When you or someone cares or shows concern, maybe-just maybe that is all it is. Yes I know that sometimes there are people out there with less than good intentions, or motives...but that is another time, another conversation. Today is about our thinking and how it can make us believe in something that is not really there. Reality versus a figment of an over-active imagination.
There is an old saying, "There is a lid for every pot." Someone truly for you will come to you when you least expect it, and when the heart and mind is ready. In the mean time learn to care for others and help whaen asked for help. Don't expect nothing in return.