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How to practice mental detachment? Being realistic!

Updated on November 10, 2013

''Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached. ” Simone Well

What are you mentally attached to?

  • Your family and parents
  • Your work and success

What is mental detachment?

In your day to day life you become emotional about certain things and feel deprived when things do not happen as you wanted. This makes you feel unhappy and you brood about it. Will this brooding get you anywhere? It just makes you feel lost and depressed. You cling to relationships and invariably you get hurt easily and you are at loss to cope up with your hurt feelings.

Why should you be mentally detached?

You should mentally detach yourself from going too deep into any problem or relationships. You have your children and your world revolves around them. You work hectically for their education and well being. You become emotionally involved in their life and feel you cannot exist without them. Your children might have come from you, but they can never be yours always.

They have their own life to live and as they grow, they deviate from you and become independent. If you take your children’s freedom in your stride, your life will be normal and usual. If on the other hand you feel that they do not love and respect you anymore, your life is torturous and you feel emotionally drained. This is where mental detachment plays a vital part. You should love your children, but be mentally detached to allow them live their own lives.

You do not cling to you children

When you are mentally detached you do not cling and clamor for attention. You take a step back and become emotionally strong so that you do not feel helpless when your children leave you to lead their own life. This does not mean you don’t love them, it simply means you acknowledge the fact that they are individuals with thoughts of their own.

Mental detachment in everyday life

In everyday life also you should be mentally detached to see things in its proper perspective. You should take a third party view of your problems and you find that it is your emotional demands that are the culprit in all your wrong decisions and your hurt feelings. For example, suppose someone rams your car and damages it, you become livid with anger and there is a harsh exchange of words. If you become too involved you might come to blows with that person who damaged your car.

Have you achieved anything out of your outburst? You might shoot up your hypertension perhaps, nothing more. Your broke loose because you became emotionally charged that your car that you so loved has been damaged. If you had been mentally detached at that time, you would have said a few harsh words and moved away. Your detachment makes you cool as you know that there is the insurance to take care of things and there ends the matter.

Mental detachment in relationship

In marriage also, if you cling on to your relationship there is a tight feeling of suffocation. When you are emotionally ready to acknowledge that your spouse is an individual and has every right to have certain breathing space, you stop breathing down the neck of him\her and there is relief on both sides. You respect your spouse’s individuality and this brings in fresh air of goodness into your marriage.

'Unrealistic expectations often lead to disappointment, while simple unbiased attention and detachment to outcome often lead to pleasant surprises.” Gary Hopkins

In this fast paced life, it is essential you are mentally detached to be sane and balanced in your life. Draw away from clinging and clamoring relationships and become emotionally independent, so that you lead your life with self respect and steady mental equilibrium.

© 2012 mathira


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    • mathira profile image

      mathira 5 years ago from chennai

      Au fait it felt good to read your encouraging comments. When you are too attached to anything you are bound to get mentally hurt, but when you practice mental detachment it becomes easy for you to overcome your hurt effortlessly.

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 5 years ago from North Texas

      This is surly some of the best advice I've read in a very long time! I wish I had thought to write it myself. Since I started looking at things the way you talk about them here I find I'm much easier going and there are many fewer knots in my stomach. It's easier to go with the flow when one is not too attached or too invested in things one can't control anyway.

      Excellent message! Voted up, useful, and awesome! Will share with my followers.

    • sen.sush23 profile image

      Sushmita 5 years ago from Kolkata, India

      So true, Mathi. Among the people of our parents' generation this is a problem, for many of them still cling to the old Indian notion of families where the aged 'head' of family decides on every issue. Our generation is probably more resigned to children moving apart of parents after some time. voted up useful.

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Another insightful hub Mathira, enjoyed it!

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 6 years ago from chennai

      You are right on target carolinemd21, mentally detaching yourself can save you lots of pain. Thank you for visiting.

    • carolinemd21 profile image

      Caroline Marie 6 years ago

      Hi Mathira you always give great advice. I agree with your article. You can save yourself a lot of time and pain from mentally detaching from painful feelings that situations can bring to you. Voted up.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 6 years ago from chennai

      Ruchi, you rightly said that happiness in life entirely depends on us. When we are mentally detached we can enjoy the true essence of relationships. Thank you for your comments.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 6 years ago from chennai

      ranbansal, you are right when you say that mental detachment is essential in everything life leads us to.Thank you for visiting.

    • Angela Blair profile image

      Angela Blair 6 years ago from Central Texas

      Excellent Hub and profound advice, Mathira. Voted UP! Best, Sis

    • Ruchi Urvashi profile image

      Ruchi Urvashi 6 years ago from Singapore

      Very good information. Voted up. I think mental detachment is very critical for happiness as you shared in this article. When we are detached, we can love our family more as we don't have any selfish motives. I agree this is most important when it comes to parent child or husband wife relationship.

    • rambansal profile image

      Ram Bansal 6 years ago from India

      Yes, mental detachment not only in matters of relationships but all with all the matters of life, pays. This detachment is easily earned if you make yourself less sensitive and more sensible in matters of life. That is what makes you an intellectual.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 6 years ago from chennai

      Thanks for your good comments,Nicole.

    • profile image

      mathira 6 years ago

      Good thought, Mypath.

    • Mypath profile image

      Mypath 6 years ago from California, USA

      How about treating yourself as trustee of Divine in dealing with your worldly affairs. Be it kids, spouse, business or your work. When ownership is gone so are attachments.


    • Nicole S profile image

      Nicole S Hanson 6 years ago from Minnesota

      Very insightful, thanks for sharing mathira!

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 6 years ago from chennai

      You are right writerspavilion, it takes lot of will power to remain detached, but when you master it you feel a lot more happier.

    • writerspavilion profile image

      writerspavilion 6 years ago from India

      ya, very true Mathi. But I feel it's more easy to say that" remain detached". Doing or practicing it requires a lot of meditation and mental control..I feel this is the gist of life. If one has attained it, he/she has attained everything.Thanks! Shruti@writerspavilion

    • profile image

      shruti@writerspavilion 6 years ago

      ya, very true Mathi. But I feel it's more easy to say that" remain detached". Doing or practicing it requires a lot of meditation and mental control..I feel this is the gist of life. If one has attained it, he/she has attained everything.Thanks! Shruti@writerspavilion