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Mentally Shutting Down?
Mentally Shutting Down?
"Mentally Shutting Down?"
by Monica Ortega
Being mentally ill, I can catch myself sometimes having a mental shut down, basically where I can't take it or at least I think I can't...I know that everyone experiences some type of emotional shut down or meltdown, nervous breakdown. I personally like to call these feelings 'losing control' of the situation. In my case, being triggered out in some way, shape or form.
Knowing myself I still have issue's getting a handle or a grip on my emotions or emotional state of mind. I mean, I am really bad instead of giving myself the time to unlock the emotional switch and pull the handle down, to try to react in a positive manner, " I blow it!" Every time! I was thinking today about strategic ways to self-help and give myself some space (in my case, lots of space, laughing).
I noticed when I lose it, I end up hacking away at the hard lines with an ax with rage and anger totally leaving me with a mess of mentally shutting down. This is not good because this is when I am not thinking anymore allowing others to take over causing me to do stupid regretful things and making unsound decisions.
So, in lieu of these breakdowns I had to come up with ways for myself, (I am a very stubborn person by the way) things that you'd say are like duh! It's just common sense. Believe me being mentally ill, common sense, doesn't make sense sometimes if you can understand that...I should understand by now that how I am reacting is just me resolving the situation in the same way with the same result's getting nowhere.
Okay, okay I'm rambling now...Anyway, I realized today without realizing it?? That I have been for the past week just staying in bed being in no hurry to get up and just meditating and going over the things that trigger me and how I can some how find a way to trigger myself back into staying in control. I thought, you know I have been in martial arts for so many years and had quickly learned how not to get hit and how to counter-act my opponent's moves by studying them before I actually fought them.
I realized today from meditating that training the mind isn't any different our minds hold abilities and power beyond our imaginations we can so easily limit ourselves and the use of our minds. Instead of strategically learning how to counter-act what in my case is my emotions and studying my enemy or opponent, my mind I just quickly give in. I find that I can be my own worst enemy. Yet in the ring for me to lose is not an option against my opponent.
Yet, I realized today that I so easily allow myself to continue mentally to be victim to the past that no longer can hurt me, it haunt's me but it can no longer hurt me...I need to continue learning about myself and not give up even though yes it is hard to deal with the chemical imbalances of my brain, I still have one. Just as my body needs physically training, so does my mind. I hope this helps those who struggle mentally or emotionally, take some time out of your day and really think of self help ways that can help you and even others, and do share. Thanks for reading, Monica.
"Being strong is usually something we see as a physical attribute but being strong involves physical, mental, and my personal opinion spiritual as well"
© 2012 monicaortegamon