More Help and Less Advice for Family Caregivers

Hi MsDora. A first class hub from you again. I totally understand your words and feelings. I am a full time electric wheelchair user having a chronic muscle wasting condition. I lots of care which my wife undertakes without complaint. We have our daughter and her partner living with us as a full time loving family unit. Chores are shared as much as possible in that we are as one. My wife though takes most of the weight. It has to be said that life can be difficult for the wheelchair user seeing the effort made and not being able to help. Well said a first class hub all round.

Graham.

O Ms. Dora....you nailed it. Advice often accompanied by judging someone who is a caregiver is not helping. I have been a caregiver more than once and more than anyone help was needed...not someone's ideas or opinions about shoulda' woulda' coulda'....you know?

Thank you for sharing this important information Angels are once again on the way to you ps

This article is relevant to my life. My 21 year old son has Autism so I have been a caretaker all that long and now my grandmother with her age and blindness. Ahhh, stress! Your article is tailor made for me. Great article.

Excellent hub here on actually helping caregivers! This article should be sent out to all families who are in this situation as it provides such sound advice that will actually help give some relief to the caregiver.

Sharing everywhere in hopes it will help many!

God bless you, dear lady

Hi Ms. Dora! I have missed reading your hubs as they often directly hit home with me in one way or another. I have been a caregiver for my mother-in-law for some time. She's in a nursing home now. Her weight is too much for me to handle at home. Even nursing home care requires much caregiving and on a very regular basis... Her health is fragile so I often go daily. It breaks my heart that there are so many elderly and disabled there that have very few, or any, visitors. I have lots of new little friends there now and they are a blessing! Thanks so much for bringing this topic to everyone. Caregiving is exhausting physically, mentally, and spiritually. Marvelous hub!

This is really very true. Advices are okay but help is really needed. Thank you for sharing your great ideas. :-)

Good suggestive advice here MsDora; when offers of help aren't backed up and all the carer is left with is shallow affectations it kind of rubs salt in the wound of an already stretched caregiver trying to do their best under difficult circumstances.

I took care of my own mother all last year and you're pretty much on your own really when it comes down to the nitty-gritty; more so if the recipient of your help requires more intense attention, as you well understand yourself. Love proves itself in action no doubt and if people kindly offer their help it would be a relief if they followed through from the verbal to the practical. It seems to have been recognized in the town I live in though as an agency called ' Care for Carers ' was set up a few years' ago to meet such a need as you have eloquently relayed.

Another important and informative Hub article from you.

Kind Regards to you and your mother;

R.Q.

Very fine suggestions to help out caregivers who really need a break to function better in a job that is of considerable stress.

The words of Dr. Linda Ercoli, PH.D of UCLA Health sum it all up succinctly.

Thanks for sharing these tips.

This really is an eye opener for the uninformed. I once knew a lady that was caring for her husband with Alzheimer's, but he became combative and too hard to handle. He was still a lot strong than she was and he turned the TV over. She had to place him in a facility, but she felt so guilty about it.

Dora, this is probably the best advice I've heard regarding helping caregivers. I think what they need most is time away from the constant nature of giving care. Time to be alone, or with friends. The caregiver needs some sense of normalcy and shouldn't be expected to sacrifice themselves entirely. That's a good way to burn out and become ineffective. Or worse - bitter.

MsDora, what a share, great suggestions and a very useful hub-tool.. awesome and educational too...:)

MsDora - This is a topic near and dear to my heart. My parents live in the independent section of a retirement community, but my father has many many needs and is currently in skilled nursing while he recuperates from an infection. It is definitely a struggle for caretakers. Missing work, continued stress and many other things. People often forget about the caregivers. Thanks for this article.

Caregivers are not very common in India as people prefer to take care of their elderly and the sick themselves. So I don't know much about it. But a great advice from you. A little concern and compassion goes a long way for sure.

This is thought provoking and a very important hub! Patience and kindness is required for caregivers too.

Many people give caregivers advice and suggestions but very rarely they offer to help or relieve them of some responsibilities for some time.

I have cared for many close relatives and I can relate to it.

Thank you for sharing your advice and I am sure it will help many people.

a thoughtful hub indeed

Amen! Such a great hub!

This is a very important hub that contains great advice, MsDora. I hope a lot of people read it and that it raises awareness.

Hi Dora,

You've managed as usual to mix instruction and enlightenment with practicality. How hard would it be for some of us to offer help? I think your call needs to be heeded by all that read this. Thanks.

I know what it is like to spend months taking care of someone and not receiving relief. When it is something you do 24/7, even an hour here and there is appreciated. Your hub gives excellent advice for people to consider when offering to help the care giver.

This is excellent, MsDora. I can relate from the caregiver point of view as I cared for my sister who recently passed of breast cancer, immediately followed by being caretaker for my 91 year old father after brain surgery. Brain bleed was discovered day after sister's funeral so we have been through it. He just left my house day before yesterday to return to his home in Buffalo.

I can truly say that the friends and family who brought food, offered rides, visited, and said prayers really made a difference. My hubby and sister-in-law are caretakers for their mom so we are all experiencing it together. But I do need to visit her more now that my dad is better. Thanks for the challenge and for the very informative article.

Hi MsDora patience and kindness is required in such cases. A great article on this unique topic.

Spot on. I take care of my Mom who has dementia and definitely prefer actual help over advice. Of course, information in this article applies to many contexts, not just the caregiver situation.

It is a good feeling Dora and I would still be doing it if it were possible. I loved my mother beyond words and I know that you understand that love.

What a great hub MsDora, and you are oh so right! in every way! my brother was a carer for my mum and dad, I helped too of course but lived a bit farther away. there was so much advice it came in droves, but help? no of course not! if we had had some help my brother wouldn't have suffered a nervous breakdown, wonderful advice always, nell

Another good word from you Dora, I sort of help out a couple of seniors. I do what I can do: not too much not too less. I do what I can without going overboard in my duties because if I do then it can get stressful. I don't have high expectations. Again, I just do what I can do and I'm admired and respected for what I do. I am not going to be overbearing on anyone because the elders cannot help what has overcome them. I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job with mom and that's all that counts.

A very difficult one and a well-recognized need for support and respite. Some get this and some don't. Who knows why? My empathies to you on this loving bur sometimes tiresome journey.

Your story is not an unusual one when it comes to receiving help. Alas!

This is excellent! My father is now living in the home of one of my siblings. Although they are several states away, I have been phone calling on a regular basis. At first, I was afraid to call, thinking that I would just be a bother, but I wanted to visit with my father. When my brother found out about my reluctance, he let me know that it was no bother, and that both he and my father would welcome my calls. After reading this article, I now understand what I can do with those phone calls to be a help rather than a hindrance to the situation.

Thank you, so much, for sharing this important and useful information. You do understand how important it can be.

This was indeed a much needed and practical article. God bless you for what you do.

MsDora

Wonderful article. As someone who helped care for a lady with dementia for several years, I do know how much it means for those doing the caring to take a break or have some time out. I hope this article touches lots of people to reach out, to give at least one person a helping hand. It takes so little, only a little kindness and a little time to really make a difference to someone. You are in my thoughts.

Sally

Great piece, MsDora, and much needed. My observation is that when one member of a family takes on the caregiver role, other members often feel totally relieved of any responsibility. They leave it all up to the caregiver except, as you say, for giving (usually unsolicited) advice. And then they often have the gall to get upset that the caregiver is not doing even more!

Well this one is certainly close to my heart Dora; having cared for my mom so many years by myself and the only long break (one week) I got when my sister took her home turned out to be a nightmare when my mom came back having not had her medicine in days (the whole week?) disoriented and maybe close to death, who knows? I got medicine in her and to the doctor the next day but I never trusted her to be in anyone's else's real care after that.

There were many in the family though that could have come taken Mom out to eat and spent the day with her giving me some much needed breaks and time for myself yet this only happened once and I was forced to go too I suppose because people who don't take time to get to know this new person who is their parent, fear them.

Great article I hope many read.

I fell in love with the title of this article...the article was an added bonus. :) God bless the caregivers of this world.

We are going this exact situation right now as my dad has dementia. It is not an easy process for any of us. People do love to tell others what to do when the simplest way to help would be to just volunteer your time. This is a very important article and I'm so glad you wrote it.

This is a very important article MsDora. Many people give caregivers advice etc but very rarely offer to help or relieve them of some care responsibilities. I am a caregiver but I am fortunate it is only low level so it is not too stressful. Thanks for sharing.