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My Last Dance With Alcohol

Updated on August 14, 2013

From An Addiction To Sobriety

I am not much of a dancer, but I had to have my last dance with alcohol on October 26, 2009. That was my last dance and my last taste of alcohol.

As I am writing on this 13th day of August 2013 I still can't believe in a couple months I will be clean and sober for four years. Man the time went by so fast. Time flies when you are having fun right?

Happy Outside - But Crying Inside

ALTHOUGH I MIGHT LOOK HAPPY HERE, IN JUST HOURS I WAS ABOUT TO FACE MY BIGGEST CHALLENGE IN MY LIFE.  THE CHALLENGE OF BEATING AND SURRENDERING TO MY DEMONS FOREVER.
ALTHOUGH I MIGHT LOOK HAPPY HERE, IN JUST HOURS I WAS ABOUT TO FACE MY BIGGEST CHALLENGE IN MY LIFE. THE CHALLENGE OF BEATING AND SURRENDERING TO MY DEMONS FOREVER. | Source

What That Last Dance with Alcohol Felt Like To Me

To perfectly honest with you, and to myself, that last dance with alcohol felt as if I was ready to lose a arm or leg within hours. I knew that this was going to be the last drink of alcohol would ever have for the rest of my life.

Something was about to be taken away from me, but it was my choice and I was not forced to stop drinking alcohol. It was my own doings and I was proud of the decision I made on that lonely night drinking in the garage.

I made a promise to myself that once I got out of denial, something I lived with for so many years, I would promise myself that no matter ever happened in my life from that moment on I would not touch another alcoholic drink for the rest of my life.

Granted, over almost four years of sobriety the urge and temptation to drink alcohol had come over me more than once that's for sure, but once that urge came upon me I remembered that promise I made to myself back in October 26 of 2009, and I admittedly stopped and took a deep breath and said, "NO MARK DON"T DO IT!"

To look at that photo of me then really brings sadness to me just thinking what I was doing to my one and only body each and everyday, and not to say what I was doing to the people that loved and cared for me, such as my parents, wife and my children.

They didn't deserve what I had put them through with all those years of drinking and abusing alcohol.

If I could only turn back the hands of time, and know what I know now as a sober man, it would be wonderful, but we know that can not be done, so the best I can do is to continue on my recovery and stay sober for the rest of my life just as I promised myself back in 2009.




How Did You Feel ?

If you had an alcohol addiction and got sober what did it feel like on that first day of sobriety?

See results

My Beautiful Daughter On Her Wedding Day

ME AND BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER ON HER WEDDING DAY WALING HER DOWN THE AISLE IN CHURCH.
ME AND BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER ON HER WEDDING DAY WALING HER DOWN THE AISLE IN CHURCH. | Source
HERE IS THE DANCING I DO NOW. FATHER DAUGHTER DANCE AND DID IT COMPLETELY SOBER! WHAT A GREAT FEELING!
HERE IS THE DANCING I DO NOW. FATHER DAUGHTER DANCE AND DID IT COMPLETELY SOBER! WHAT A GREAT FEELING! | Source

Feeling So Funny Inside Knowing This Is It!

As I said earlier that night in the garage drinking alone, as usual, the feeling I had inside was like I was about to lose a arm or leg in the coming hours.

The reason I felt that way is because I was about to lose something that was dear and very close to me, and something that got me through many things that I might not been able to do sober, "SO I THOUGHT."

Alcohol was about to be no more in my life, and to tell you truth, I was scared to death to be without it. I doubted myself whether I was able to pull this off, because I was so used to having a beer in my hand just about everywhere I went, and when I got home from work each night, look out, and get out of the way of that refrigerator door, I need my beer!

For the rest of night I drank one beer after another until I had that buzz and that feeling I longed for each day. I then ate like a pig alone, then passed out on the recliner. This was every night for years, and I still don't know to this day how my wife and children put up with it.

To this day I still feel horrible about those days of drinking and abusing alcohol, and what I put my wife and children through, and what I put myself through for really no reason, but a filthy addiction to alcohol that could of been stopped many years ago if I would of only got out of the denial I was living in for so long.


If I Were To Continue To Drink And Abuse Alcohol

If I were to continue to drink and abuse alcohol, I might of not been able to walk my daughter down the aisle on her Wedding Day.

I might of not been able to see my children grow into adults and have their own families. I might of not been able to see my grandchildren be born and watch them grow into young adults and possibly have their children in which I would be a great grand pop.

Many things could of happen, but I dodged the bullet I guess, and God spared me from any illness and even a early unnecessary death. I thank God everyday for giving the strength and willpower to surrender to my addiction to alcohol.

As I write this I keep thinking how foolish I was, and how weak I was to let something like alcohol run and almost ruin my life, and many other lives along the way.

The thing is that I made it right now, and that is what really counts. Sure, I have lots of time to make up with my family, but we have the time now, and alcohol will not be in the way anymore to interrupt our lives.

No more dancing with the demons. I will continue to dance with my wife and daughter and live a wonderful life of sobriety forever.

© 2013 Mark Bruno

Comments

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    • the clean life profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Bruno 

      5 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      Monica- so nice to hear from you. I have been writing here and my blog and many other sites on addiction for the last almost 4 years. I always hope that my articles will help someone in the world. Thank you for your comment and for your kind words. I will pass them on to Linda. xoxox

      Mark

    • profile image

      Monica 

      5 years ago

      WOW Mark, I'm blown away with how you're just putting it out there. I'm thinking about my own demons and what I need to do to be a better Me. I'm so impressed. Your writing can really help a lot of people. I've respected you and Linda for years and now reading some of your history, I respect you and admire you two even more.

    • the clean life profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Bruno 

      5 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      Wendi- It is so nice to see you again and a HUGE congrats on your 7 years of sobriety!!!. That is wonderful Wendi! To tell you the truth I had the same problem with not being able to get enough alcohol to get that buzz I was so used to having. You know you start with a 6 pack, then 12 pack and then you need to buy an 18 pack and that still wasn't enough. It was horrible and I am so glad you and I have seen the light and are now living a life of sobriety.

      God Bless you Wendi and stay in touch :)

      Mark

    • the clean life profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Bruno 

      5 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      tobusiness- Thank you for your kind comment. I am very blessed to have such beautiful and loving children. Have a great rest of the day!

    • the clean life profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Bruno 

      5 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      Matt- nice to meet you and thanks for taking the time to read and comment as well.

      Mark

    • the clean life profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Bruno 

      5 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      gmv - Thanks for your comment and just continue to stay strong and not let alcohol run and ruin your life.

    • the clean life profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Bruno 

      5 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      schoolgirlforreal - Thank you so much for reading and your very kind words in this comment. I feel blessed to have friends like you. Thanks again !!

    • Wendi M profile image

      Wendi M 

      5 years ago from New Hampshire

      Congratulations on your sobriety. Having just received my 7 year chip, I can relate. The only difference with me was that I got to the point where I could no longer achieve a buzz...no matter how much I drank.

      My last 2 (out of 30) years of drinking were spent just trying to calm my nerves and enable myself to sleep. So I truly understand the feeling of freedom that encompasses you once you begin to win the battle against alcoholism.

      I wish you all of the well deserved happiness in your future endeavors!

      Wendi

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 

      5 years ago from Lincolnshire, U.K

      The beautiful smiles of joy and pride on both you and your daughter's faces are priceless, and says it all!...Best wishes for the future.

    • matt_elmore profile image

      matt_elmore 

      5 years ago from San Diego

      Way to go! Keep up the good work.

    • gmv profile image

      Jeff Vickery 

      5 years ago from Somewhere, Arkansas

      I drink with my buds, but I never drink around my family. I hope I never feel dependent on alcohol, as some people are with cigarettes.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile image

      schoolgirlforreal 

      5 years ago

      I really like this heartfelt hub, It's such a great testimony! How encouraging and inspiring I hope many find it to be! Good for you to be a leader in educating as well as providing first hand experience and tips, etc. And great you found writing an outlet!

      ....(Now I need to find something to write about! Lol! Oh wait...I just wrote a poem!)---Great HuB!

      Sharing

    • the clean life profile imageAUTHOR

      Mark Bruno 

      5 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      James- Thank you so much! That really makes me feel good that my writing is appreciated and enjoyed. Thanks again my friend!

      Mark

    • James Peters profile image

      James Timothy Peters 

      5 years ago from Hammond, Indiana

      I love reading your HUBS...it's such a great feeling reading your triumphs!

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