My Last Dance With Alcohol

I am not much of a dancer, but I had to have my last dance with alcohol on October 26, 2009. That was my last dance and my last taste of alcohol.

As I am writing on this 13th day of August 2013 I still can't believe in a couple months I will be clean and sober for four years. Man the time went by so fast. Time flies when you are having fun right?

To perfectly honest with you, and to myself, that last dance with alcohol felt as if I was ready to lose a arm or leg within hours. I knew that this was going to be the last drink of alcohol would ever have for the rest of my life.

Something was about to be taken away from me, but it was my choice and I was not forced to stop drinking alcohol. It was my own doings and I was proud of the decision I made on that lonely night drinking in the garage.

I made a promise to myself that once I got out of denial, something I lived with for so many years, I would promise myself that no matter ever happened in my life from that moment on I would not touch another alcoholic drink for the rest of my life.

Granted, over almost four years of sobriety the urge and temptation to drink alcohol had come over me more than once that's for sure, but once that urge came upon me I remembered that promise I made to myself back in October 26 of 2009, and I admittedly stopped and took a deep breath and said, "NO MARK DON"T DO IT!"

To look at that photo of me then really brings sadness to me just thinking what I was doing to my one and only body each and everyday, and not to say what I was doing to the people that loved and cared for me, such as my parents, wife and my children.

They didn't deserve what I had put them through with all those years of drinking and abusing alcohol.

If I could only turn back the hands of time, and know what I know now as a sober man, it would be wonderful, but we know that can not be done, so the best I can do is to continue on my recovery and stay sober for the rest of my life just as I promised myself back in 2009.

As I said earlier that night in the garage drinking alone, as usual, the feeling I had inside was like I was about to lose a arm or leg in the coming hours.

The reason I felt that way is because I was about to lose something that was dear and very close to me, and something that got me through many things that I might not been able to do sober, "SO I THOUGHT."

Alcohol was about to be no more in my life, and to tell you truth, I was scared to death to be without it. I doubted myself whether I was able to pull this off, because I was so used to having a beer in my hand just about everywhere I went, and when I got home from work each night, look out, and get out of the way of that refrigerator door, I need my beer!

For the rest of night I drank one beer after another until I had that buzz and that feeling I longed for each day. I then ate like a pig alone, then passed out on the recliner. This was every night for years, and I still don't know to this day how my wife and children put up with it.

To this day I still feel horrible about those days of drinking and abusing alcohol, and what I put my wife and children through, and what I put myself through for really no reason, but a filthy addiction to alcohol that could of been stopped many years ago if I would of only got out of the denial I was living in for so long.

If I were to continue to drink and abuse alcohol, I might of not been able to walk my daughter down the aisle on her Wedding Day.

I might of not been able to see my children grow into adults and have their own families. I might of not been able to see my grandchildren be born and watch them grow into young adults and possibly have their children in which I would be a great grand pop.

Many things could of happen, but I dodged the bullet I guess, and God spared me from any illness and even a early unnecessary death. I thank God everyday for giving the strength and willpower to surrender to my addiction to alcohol.

As I write this I keep thinking how foolish I was, and how weak I was to let something like alcohol run and almost ruin my life, and many other lives along the way.

The thing is that I made it right now, and that is what really counts. Sure, I have lots of time to make up with my family, but we have the time now, and alcohol will not be in the way anymore to interrupt our lives.

No more dancing with the demons. I will continue to dance with my wife and daughter and live a wonderful life of sobriety forever.