My Miscarriage Story: A Missed Miscarriage
I Would Like To Say I Am Sorry For your Loss
Unfortunately the odds are if you are reading this something is not right with your pregnancy. And I would like to begin by saying I am sorry for what you may be currently going through or will be going through in the near future. I would also like to reassure you that as hard as it may be right now. You will be alright, you will get better, and you will likely go on to have a healthy pregnancy.
Like my doctor reassured me, unless I was doing cocaine or had some major trauma to my uterus there was nothing I could do to prevent this from happening to me. That it was likely an early chromosomal problem that prevented the pregnancy from developing. He also had mentioned to me that miscarriages are unfortunately quite common. Most women just choose not to share their personal experiences. Which is perfectly acceptable if you would like to keep your loss to yourself. Or if you choose to share your experience with others like I am doing today.
The reason I am sharing my miscarriage story for you today is because reading others experiences is what I truly believe helped me. I felt the pain of each woman's story but at the same time I found it to be reassuring to hear that I am not alone in this. In fact my doctor had also mentioned to me that as many as 1 in 4 to 1 in 5 pregnancies will end in a miscarriage. And most of these women go on to deliver healthy babies in the future.
The Beginning of My Missed Miscarraige
I had a doctor's appointment when I should have been 8-10 weeks pregnant. We did not have an exact date as after coming off a birth control for 5 years my periods were a little irregular. I met my new doctor and he was amazing. I was so happy to be in the care of such a nice and caring doctor.
My first prenatal appointment went great. I was healthy and everything looked great. My uterus was measuring around 8 weeks the doctor had figured. But I would have an early ultrasound to make sure of the dates. I admit I was pretty excited to see this little baby so early on.
I went straight to the lab for blood and to our surprise the ultrasound tech said she could fit us in for an ultrasound in about 30 minutes. I sat in the waiting room trying to drink down my two glasses of water without over doing it (I had a very overactive pregnancy bladder).
The ultrasound tech started and got her measurements. Her exact words then were "There is a pregnancy in the uterus and everything looks good. It's just very small. Measuring around 6 weeks". My reaction was what alerted her that something was wrong. I knew I could be off in my dates... but by a few weeks ahead. There was no way I could be off by a few weeks behind. She decided we would try the trans-vaginal ultrasound as it was more accurate and could pick up a heartbeat a week earlier than the abdominal ultrasound.
Our baby measured 6 weeks and 2 days with no heartbeat.
The ultrasound tech had said that it could be that I am off with my dates and that it is too early to see a heartbeat. But deep down I knew something was wrong. I had my HCG levels drawn and was to come back in 48 hours to have them drawn again.
I went home and tried to nap as I was supposed to be working the night shift that night. I was so anxious and upset that I did not get any sleep what-so-ever. I was crying on and off by the time my fiance arrived home from work. I am so thankful for him. He refused to allow me to go to work. Even calling my workplace to let them know I would not coming in that night. Nor did I go to work the next night shift. As guilty as I felt about missing work I did not feel it was safe or good for my mental well-being to be at work.
Waiting To Hear The News
I was pretty certain that my baby had stopped growing in the womb and what I was experiencing was a missed miscarriage A missed miscarriage is when the baby passes away/stops developing and your body does not realize this and continues to "think" that you are still pregnant. A person may or may not still experience pregnancy symptoms. Which I did, my breasts were still tender, I was still tired and I was still experiencing nausea.
Despite my logical senses I still had a small glimmer of hope. Maybe it was possible that I was off by a couple of weeks? Or maybe my baby was a slow grower and it would catch up? I began to sit at the computer all day, every day and Google the possibilities. I found some stories where both of these possibilities were true for some women. I also found some stories that dd not have a happy ending.
While obsessively Googling possibilities I also grieved. I cried at first and then I began to become angry. I thought to myself "how is this fair?", "why is this happening to me, especially since I already had a successful pregnancy before. Why was this one unsuccessful?" I honestly felt as if my whole world was turned upside down. We had already began to prepare for this little one. We had everything figured out and now this was all going to be taken from us!?
I found out my lab results. By this time I should have been about 9 weeks pregnant. My HCG levels should have doubled in a 48 hour period. Mine had dropped from 23,000 to 21,000. I began to accept what was happening to me and wanted everything to be over with. I wanted to try again.
I began spotting very lightly. Only so much that approximately every three times I wiped I saw a spot of blood. I also had about one or two cramps a day at this point. I went to work and explained my situation to my co-workers as I had felt bad they had to keep replacing me. They ended up sending me home that day and told me to rest.
The doctor's office finally called me and asked me to come in that day. This was about a week after my ultrasound. Like I had mentioned before I had begun to accept what had happened and just wanted it all to be over with so I could try to get pregnant again.
The doctor spoke to me about what was going on and was going to send my for more blood tests to see if my HCG levels were still dropping. He told me that he was 80-90% sure that what I was experiencing was a missed miscarriage. I had mentioned the spotting and the cramps. He did a pelvic exam and confirmed that my cervix was indeed beginning to slowly open and that a miscarriage would occur in the near future.
I was given three options. I could wait it out and miscarry naturally, although, this still could take weeks. I could go the surgery route and have a d &c where they would surgically remove the contents of my uterus under anesthesia. Or I could take the drug called Misoprostol which would cause some contractions and basically speed up the miscarriage process.
I was not about to wait it out a few more weeks while calling in to work too afraid to go and then have a miscarriage while I was working. Nor was I fan of being put under and having a minor surgery. So, for these reasons, I personally, choose the Misoprostol option.
Miscarrying With Misoprostol
I had asked the doctor about pain. I was afraid this process would be extremely painful. My doctor told me to expect pain that ranged from period cramps to early labor cramps and told me to take Advil for the pain. My suggestion to anyone planning on using this medication is ask for something stronger. I do not feel there is any need for a woman who is already feeling the emotional pain of a miscarriage to also feel the horrible physical pain of a miscarriage.
At 7:00 pm, as directed I inserted four 200 mg pills into my vagina as close as I could get to my cervix and laid down. This process was very difficult for me. I was terrified of what was to come. I shook and cried while I inserted the pills. My finance hugged me and told me he was there for me.
It took about four hours before anything began to happen and I was afraid the pills were not working. At 11:00 pm it began as menstrual cramps. It was not too painful but enough to make me uncomfortable. About every ten minutes the cramps would intensify until they were so painful it felt as if I was in labor. These pains would come in waves about every minute lasting for about 30 seconds to one minute long. I could feel my cervix opening up and was preparing for the bleeding and what I would see.
I was in extreme pain for about two hours. The pain was in my lower abdomen, my lower back and I also had sharp pain in my ovary regions. The Advil did absolutely nothing for this pain. I rolled around in bed and quickly found out that they were relieved slightly by walking. So I began to pace my house. I sent my fiance to bed as I felt bad for keeping him up all night and told him I would let him know if it got to the point that I needed his help.
At the two hour point these contraction died off and were once again painful menstrual cramps. At this point there still was no bleeding. So I feared that after all that pain nothing happened and that the pain would return stronger. Although I was frightened I was also exhausted. I laid down some towels on my bed just in case I needed something extra to protect my mattress. I was not about the experience this and have to buy a new mattress. At 1:00 am I was able to get some sleep.
By 5:00 am I went to the washroom. I felt everything begin to basically pour out. Within an hour it looked as if I had passed everything, sac included. I only experienced heavy bleeding for about three hours after that. And then was experiencing a medium flow. The bleeding slowed throughout the day and I felt pretty good physically.
The contractions came back the next night for about an hour but I expelled nothing. I guessed that was the end of it.. the end of my pregnancy.
I am upset that my pregnancy did not work out. But I keep reminding myself that I am lucky that I get to try again. I still have a chance to have a successful pregnancy. My doctor advised us to wait for one period before trying again. Which he explained was mostly for dating purposes only. And that as long as I was emotionally ready my body should be physically ready right after the miscarriage bleeding was over.
Both my finance and I look forward to trying again.