The other day I was feeling so down, I couldn't put my finger on why I was feeling sad. Everything was bothering me and I had a hard time concentrating. I didn't want to do anything but cry. Usually, I would start to critize myself by saying,"You're always depressed, you'll never change and blah, blah, blah". Which of course would had only led me to feeling hopeless and helpless. However, this time I was able to remind myself that I was doing the best I could and those feelings would pass. I did something different, I allowed myself to accept my feelings and feel them, which then gave me the understanding on why I felt so sad. I spotted the culprit, the thoughts that were creating all those emotions. Those emotions were directing me to my criticizing voice. I was hurting myself, like when a parent criticizes their child. Even with good intentions, parents can subconsciously pass on their own negative beliefs onto their child. The adult "Me" was criticizing my inner child or little Alicia. When we get older we mimic our parents &/or role models but if we become aware, we can change for ourselves & our children.
I feel we can be so hard on ourselves especially when we don't know how to accept our feelings. This song by Paula Cole titled "Me", really taps in on how we hurt ourselves more then our past abusers or criticizers. Chorus goes:
And it's me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence
This song really describes how we can be our own monster and enemy. When we feel hurt, sad, scared and angry it's easy to ignore those feelings and shame ourselves for having them. However when we do that we close that opportunity in allowing ourselves to feel those emotions that can lead us to the culprit and to then release them. I am learning now that my feelings are temporary, they're like clouds that cover our sunlight but only for a while. Those feelings we call negative, are not, they're only indicators of our thoughts. It's not the feelings that are bad, it's what we're telling ourselves that creates those negative feelings. Every feeling is attached to a thought or belief that we can change once we become aware of them. This is why it's so important to feel our emotions, as uncomfortable as it may be because it's the way to become aware & gain clarity. When we push our feelings away by ignoring and denying them, those feelings can't communicate to us, so they get stored away in our core, that energy then becomes polluted and rotten like an untreated wound. That energy becomes negative and it infects every area of our lives; relationships, health, finance and work. It's so much worst when we deny our emotions because we're inviting more painful feelings, such as anxiety, depression and bad situations. We can't change what we're not aware of. Feelings truly are our guide to what's happening in our minds, we just have to gain courage to follow & open up to them.
I've learned that the brain is the controller of our body, involuntary and voluntary, it controls everything the body does. Our thoughts come from our brain, that turns into energy, which travels all over our body, including our heart. We then begin to live out our thoughts, through our feelings. Feelings are an expression of our thoughts. Our feelings guide us all day long and it all started with a thought. If we feel lousy & we don't allow ourselves to accept those feelings to investigate why we feel lousy, then nothing changes. The awareness wasn't made, therefore we didn't learn why we felt so lousy. Unfortunately, those unchanged thoughts will emerge again creating, stronger negative emotions resulting more of a life we don't want.
I've heard this information most of my life but in an subconscious level I resisted, which I know it's human nature. However, now I'm starting to understand and I am doing my best to change my thoughts. Kind of how I described in the first paragraph, it's a working progress that takes compassion and patience but I am determined. I can change my entire life by changing those words I tell myself subconsciously, of course, the mind is tricky like that, it won't tell you where to look but feelings will. So listen to them, feel them, accept them. Your feeling are important and they voice what's really going on in your mind and life. If you feel resistance, don't critize, simple focus on your goals on feeling at peace. Accept that there will be some resistance and forgive yourself. Also never listen to anyone,who tells you, "Get over it, stop being a baby, don't cry, stop feeling that way or anything that will stop you from feeling what you need to feel. No one can tell you how to feel or how not to feel. Just like you can't tell others, how to feel. Feelings are never wrong or right, they just are. However if we accept them and listen, they will lead us to the culprit & help us make positive changes.