- Diseases, Disorders & Conditions
My dementing Mother spit in my face ! ! !
I wrote about this for 2 reason's, one to let other's know they are not alone, and two to release it from my mind, to set it free, to realize there was no direct connection to ME, I was there, it could have been the nurse.
Ok... we do the daily routine after a social affair and mom wants to go for a ride in the car...she loves to drive around "and get out of here" as she puts it. And I can appreciate that, we all need to get away occasionally. Although it seems to be less and less time these days, because I think the fast movement of the scenery going by confuses her and though I do take her to the ocean and parks and try to stay away from too much activity like busy city streets and highway driving, it just appears to be too much anymore. Although she knows when to say "Stop"!!, at a stop sign. "or there's a car coming" which is fine...LOL
She doesn't like to get out anymore and walk around, and she says"I can't get in here", or "how do I get out of this thing"?...referring to the car.
So on this particular day after a shorter ride then usual, I take her back to the Home and she lays down for a nap before dinner is served. We have done this many times...I sit and wait till it is time and wake her up for dinner...No problem, she is up in a flash, in fact it worries me sometimes how fast she can jump up out of bed. Like the other day she heard my cell phone ring, and she jumped up, went to her closet door, opened it and said " yes, who's there"?...thinking, I guess it was her frontdoor...
So we went to the dining-room and found her space and sat down to eat (not me, her), and I sat beside her as always. She thinks I am also having dinner... As I have said before her foods are all puréed and sometimes she wants me to feed her, by the end of the day she is tired, so I don't mind cause they tell me she eats so much better when I am there. To keep her hydrated they thicken her juices with a tasteless thickner, because it is so easy for them to inhale the liquids and get pneumonia, or just plain chock. Which is spooned to her at each meal.
At her evening meal the nurse usually gives her some meds, which they crush up and mix with a pudding and place it on a spoon, that way one bite and they have their pills. The nurse handed me the spoon, which was fine I have given her meds before and she opened her mouth, after some coaxing and in it went. Then without any warning she looked at me with such hatred in her eyes as she spit it all into my face. We were all so shocked (the nurse stays to be sure she takes her meds) and my reaction was " Mother, please spitting is not nice, shame on you". She spit again and mumbled something , no one can figure out, shook her hand at me and yelled, "Ya I haven't seen a doctor in over a year"!!! (which of course isn't true she just had a doctor's visit). she just can't remember five minutes ago.
Anyway we finished dinner and I took her back to her room as it was her shower night, set things up and then we said our goodbyes...
I cried all the way home and for another day. It had cut right through my heart and brought up old feelings I thought I had forgotten. Things from the past that I had let go, but they all came rushing right back at me, me who is now in charge and doing everything in my power to make her time left comfortable and happy. Me her first born that she doesn't even remember.
I know she didn't mean it, she just reacted to the chunks of the meds not crushed, they must taste awful, and she was tired, but it was the LOOK in her eyes, there was Hatred there for sure, maybe she was angry with who knows what? There is no way to know where their minds are or what they are worrying about, if they are in pain, or if they are feeling sorry for what they do. What they are thinking , and this was the first time she had ever done that, and I hope is the last.
I go to two support group meetings every month and talked about it, and so I feel better because practically everyone has had this happen and the first time was always the worst...They assured me they felt the same way, but we have to forget things like that; just as quickly as they do, for they know not what they say...
Just be reassured that there are many of us going through this and may God Help us get through it, and not take it to personally. Parents do all they can for their children, in the best way they know how, so now is time for their children to do the same, as we may be there one day...God Bless...:O) Hugs G-Ma