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My crazy life and twisted fate.

Updated on July 8, 2016

Maybe those mistakes aren't actually meant for you to hold on to.

I would like to tell you a bit about myself. I am in my mid 30's. I am a mother, new wife, sister, grandmother, and a child of God. I finished college when i was 30 and still haven't worked in that field (medical office-billing and coding). I have been a care giver for 2 family members that passed away nine days apart from each other. I became pregnant at 16. How did that happen? LOL unprotected sex and running away from home did the trick. I have been with a man for 10 years raising 2 beautiful daughters.I have traveled all across the states seeking as much of my addiction (money)that I could fill. I have been banned from Canada. I have tried almost every drug out there. I have been an alcoholic for about 17 years.Been beaten many times over by men and life.I have struggled with bad depression and anxiety BTW there is a pill for that and if that pill gives you unpleasant side effects there is another pill for that. Been in counseling for PTSD and I currently have a diagnosed issue that causes pain all over my body 90% of the time. Both of my parents dies when I was 17. Not together just a month and a half apart. Most of my life has amounted to nothing that remained joyous in me.

Why do I divulge such embarrassing things about me? Well, for one, you don't know me and that makes it easier. You cant chastise me when I pick up my next drink and the counselor thinks it is good to talk about all of the things in the past. So i figured why not save some money and tell complete strangers.....Okay all joking aside. I know what it is like to feel all alone in life. I know how hard it can be to be to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know how guilty actions can cause you to feel. I know all about trying to run away and start over. Heck! I didn't try to run away and start over. I did. I know how it feels when people you love always talk you up to what their expectations are. I was the "smart one" and I was going to make a huge impact on the world....so my parents thought. That's kind of hard to do when they both have their arms out waiting for a needle full of black darkness. I don't blame them anymore.

Back when I was younger we didn't have as many resources for abused women and teens that were pregnant or young moms. Now we have the internet. What a glorious invention! Minus the fact that gossip, world news, massacres, bullying, whining, lies, and much more negative are just a click away. I feel that the internet is an amazing tool and sometimes isn't used for its full potential. Yes, they have "support groups" on line and you will receive the support you are seeking there as long as your opinion doesn't differ from the others in the group too much. I have turned to some of these online resources and found over glorified "chat room moderators" are just as guilty of prejudice, judging and bullying.

Lets dig in. Lets get to the heart of our issues and lets lean on each other to navigate our ways through this crazy life.

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