ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Narcissists Create Problems Out of Nothing

Updated on February 20, 2019
SinDelle profile image

The Little Shaman is a spiritual coach and specialist in cluster B personality disorders.

Narcissistic people are often very contentious. They can be chronically angry, combative and irritable. Even small things that others would not get offended by or mad about can cause huge blow ups with a narcissistic person. Many times, the person on the receiving end of the rage or hysteria does not even understand what the problem is. One minute everything was fine, the next minute the narcissistic person is upset and people are at a loss to understand why. Things that are small or even meaningless are argued and raged over for hours. Attempts to get the narcissistic person to explain why they are so upset usually results in blame, or even them using a totally unrelated reason to justify their tirade. Often, trying to understand leaves people more confused than ever.

It's not uncommon for people to find themselves getting attacked even when they agree with the pathologically narcissistic person in their lives, or to find that the narcissist has suddenly completely reversed their own position so that there can be a reason to fight. They pout, they attack, they accuse, they overreact, they blame, they yell, they give people the silent treatment. And you are left trying to figure out what the problem is and wondering what you could possibly have done wrong now. This is frustrating, it's unfair and it's crazy-making. The day to day living with narcissistic people is filled with this kind of unfair behavior, and it's one of the reasons most people suggest getting away from narcissists. There's no way to navigate or circumvent this. There's no way to defuse it, other than to just ignore it completely or leave the situation. If someone is intent on behaving this way, that is what they're going to do.

The reasons for this can vary. They may be angry about something in the past, they may have misinterpreted something you said, they may even just be bored. Pathologically narcissistic people are addicted to drama as well. Drama uses the same mechanisms in the brain and causes the same chemical/hormone reaction as opiates, such as heroin. Therefore, a drama addiction is not a metaphor or a joke; it's a very real thing. This could be why no matter how good it's going, narcissists start getting edgy and irritable and eventually they cause a problem. They need their fix. People who are not narcissistic can be addicted to drama, as well. It's often one of the components of a trauma bond.

The fact that narcissistic people often cause problems over nothing is one of the more difficult aspects to deal with in any type of narcissistic relationship. There can be no resolution because there is no real problem. There is no way to solve a problem that doesn't exist and even if there were, the narcissist does not want the problem solved. They want to fight. It helps them blow off steam, it gives them their drama fix and it solidifies the fact that they matter and are powerful, because they are able to upset and affect people. They want to punish and hurt others because they feel that they are being punished and hurt, or because they feel the world owes them something. They are often threatened by positive emotions, by peace, by calm. They need stimulation and upheaval and emotional fireworks.

This is a very hard thing to live with, and it causes so much stress in the relationship that is just not necessary. It makes even basic, every day living extremely difficult. The only way to win this game is not to play. As hard as it is, you have to resist their attempts to provoke you and start a fight, or cause a problem. So many times we hear that the narcissistic person has ruined a holiday or spoiled a birthday. Don't let them have this power! You are supposed to control your feelings, not the other way around. It's up to you to decide whether you are going to let another person's behavior ruin your day. Until you realize this and start making the conscious choice not to allow it, it is always going to happen.

This is hard for many people to accept. It's easier to blame someone else for our problems, or to hide behind our own feelings. It's easier to say, "You made me do that" or "You made me say that" or "You made me feel that way." It's hard to take responsibility for our own actions and reactions, especially if we feel we haven't been treated fairly. But this mindset makes us into victims. It takes our power away and gives it to every other person in the world. Other people are not in control of you, and you are not in control of them. They don't control your actions, thoughts, feelings or anything else. Your emotions are not in control of you, either. They will run wild if you are not controlling them, but they are not in control of you. You are in control of you. All you have to do is truly realize that, and all the power you've given away will come back to you.

In the end, it's up to the individual if they want to live with the constant stress of dealing with someone who is combative and angry, who ruins every good moment and family time, who cannot be content and will not let others be content either. It's unlikely this behavior will change. It benefits the narcissist in too many ways, so they have no desire to change it. They also know no other way to relate to people or get their needs met. If you cannot get out of the situation right now, remember that you are in control of your feelings and your reactions. You don't have to react to their provocations. You don't have to surrender your peace if you don't want to.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)