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New Beginnings: Mourning Over A Home

Updated on August 17, 2016

It's Kind of a Big Deal After All

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Is this a big deal?

There have been a lot of changes going on in my own little “space” that have caused me to take a look at the overall way I see things in the world.

I’m no different than anyone else who experiences changes, but like my hubby says, “Everyone’s circumstance is bigger in their eyes than anything else in the world.” That is true whether we want to admit it or not.

It’s during times like these when I need to take a moment to compare my situation with what others may be living and ask myself, “Is this a big deal? How will this change effect and affect my life?” These are questions we all ask when faced with challenges we didn’t foresee.

In my line of work I see so many things that even though I’m the professional and give a course of action to take, I’m not always sure I could handle the problem that my clients have. If we are to be honest with ourselves, even when we have all the answers we don’t know how we’ll respond in a situation until it happens in our own lives.

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Having Trouble Moving On?

Did you know that moving to a new location after a traumatic incident can cause the same effects as losing a loved one?

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Answering the Call

Today was supposed to be an amazing day for a certain woman as she moved into her new home. Her life has changed dramatically and uprooting all ties from the south and moving north took guts.

A new job, friends, location and home is a lot to deal with all at one time. One might think there would be nothing to be discouraged about, but there was something she hadn’t considered.

When I received her call we discussed all the changes that a person makes in career changes, location or relationships. She had anticipated and finally followed through several months ago moving out of the area where she lived with her husband. Now it was time to actually move into her new home that she fell in love with during the walk through with the realtor.

Aside from the loss of a loved one, which she had two years ago, moving is among the leading causes of mourning. That’s right – mourning.

Letting Go of Material Things

It’s not unusual for people to experience times of mourning over losing a loved one. No one would even question if you pull back from activities and go into a “shell” for a short amount of time. They even expect it.

Often we walk people through the Seven –Ten Step process depending on which theory you follow. However, there is a big difference between a man and a woman when it comes to leaving their home behind in order to move on to new things.

Although a man may joke about his house being his “castle” and may find it difficult to leave it, his behavior is often based on anger, confusion, failure, defeat and deceit. Not so with women even though some of those things may be taken into consideration.

If a woman has to leave her home, she becomes vulnerable and unsettled because it has attacked her feelings of security. After I explained this to the lady she understood why she was having such negative and sad feelings during what would normally be a time of rejoicing.

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Another Kind of Secuirty

Do you agree that women find security in their homes?

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Is There Anything I Can Do?

What are some things you can do to break free of these feeling so that you can move on and enjoy the changes?

One thing you don’t want to do is second guess every decision you have made in order to move forward. If you have prayed and have sought good counsel, trust that God has directed your path, even if you don’t understand everything that is going on at the moment.

Cut yourself some slack and embrace that this is a process, and it will take time. That’s OK.

Find the good in every situation. No matter what is happening in “your world” right now, someone else is experiencing something much worse. This attitude is fine to some extent, but understand that it isn’t to be used to lessen the way you feel or discount your pain.

It’s true, there will always be others that may be suffering in a greater way, but that doesn’t mean God isn’t as concerned with your hurt as He is someone else’s. Everything that happens to you is important to God. The thing we forget is to bring them to Him in prayer. There will be a silver lining, even if you have to wait some time before seeing it.

Two Ways of Thinking

There are two ways that people approach their new beginnings: optimistically or pessimistically. You alone decide which approach to take. Realize that the one you select will be the one you “feed” and that will be the one that determines how you come through the circumstance.

If you never find any good in the situation, your emotional healing will take a very long time.

Part of being optimistic in moving on is that individuals may fail to find their motivation to “dig in” and make the changes necessary. Before anyone can make a change, they have to understand why they wanted one in the first place or why they needed to make it. Once that is established, the process can begin, even though it may be hard.

Trusting God to make the right decisions and heal a broken heart.
Trusting God to make the right decisions and heal a broken heart. | Source

Motivated to Keep Going

No matter what we do in life it all stems from our reason of motivation as to why we are making these decisions. Most of our motivation in doing something is fairly easy, and is simply based on our daily routine or needs that surround our lives and families. However, staying motivated when there is a life altering situation is often difficult and needs some persuading.

Once the means for moving on is recognized there may be a time of questioning, self-doubt and lessons of humility, that literally break us into accepting reality. It can be described as a feeling of numbness or emptiness.

After the reasons have been established allow time to work through them, this includes a mourning time of anger or aggression over the situation. In this case the woman was angry over facing the situation without her mate even though she loved her new place.

She mourned over the home she shared with her spouse that was now a part of a past that she didn’t expect in his sudden death. Any sense of stability or security that she shared with her love was shattered, and now the home she was moving into was once a dream she had with her mate. A typical emotion, but not the scenario.

This is temporary. You're going to make it!
This is temporary. You're going to make it! | Source

You Can Do This

Working through the negative emotions often includes an outside source that sees the other side of the coin, so to speak. Participate in several sessions of conversations that include asking yourself or the individual the what “if’s” of the situation.

Instead of focusing on let’s say, “What if her husband didn’t die” type questions, introduce things that might spark an interest in something not related to that topic.

For example, What if instead of seeing that you’re not sharing this with your husband, you see it as a new beginning that includes you having a chance to start over with something many people will never have.

Beginning with a thankful heart will allow the mourning time to pass swiftly as you embrace the things you never knew were available to you.

Embrace change and allow others to be a part of it. Believe that God will work this out for your good and allow His Word to comfort you. Seek wisdom in every step by getting involved with a church focus group that may be experiencing similar problems. There is no shame in reaching out and it will assist the healing as you work through your material mourning process.

God is waiting to give you a fresh start, but you have to have stay in faith trusting that this too will pass, it’s only temporary.

  • Don’t second guess all your decisions.
  • Give yourself a break.
  • Choose to be optimistic.
  • Involve others.
  • Embrace the new life that awaits you giving thanks for the New Beginning.

© 2014 Fay Favored

Have you ever experienced this type of mourning?

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    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 17 months ago from USA

      Hello Farawaytree, when a move isn't expected it can really set off emotions you didn't realize you had. Good to see you.

    • Farawaytree profile image

      Michelle Zunter 17 months ago from California

      I like this one. Moving is indeed very traumatic. Sometimes you don't even realize how much - the emotions sneak up on you!

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 19 months ago from USA

      CrisSp, this is a lesson that all of us seem to learn at some point of our life. Glad to have you visit today.

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 19 months ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Very inspirational and motivational read. I like what you said and I agree, that the one we choose (or whatever we select) will be the one we “feed” .

      Been there...done that!

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 21 months ago from USA

      GmaGoldie it's good to hear how you are taking this all in stride. Hoping your new activity finds you with great memories as you prepare to make new ones.

    • GmaGoldie profile image

      Kelly Kline Burnett 22 months ago from Madison, Wisconsin

      I am purging and continuing to downsize. Yes, a home is "security" to many especially females but as Danny Gans so wisely stated The Journey is Here at Home and home is truly where the heart is.

      Thank you for the motivational hub.

      So glad I met you. Will be sure to follow and keep in touch.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      aesta1 With all the traveling you do, home can be a place of security and peace. I hope your new place will be exactly the one for you both for this time in your life. Thanks so much for visiting. It's nice to see you.

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      We sold our house which my husband and I gutted and redesigned. We loved it so much but it was just not the place to retire. We have our summer home but we need a winter one. We are now in search for what we really want. You are right about getting into a shell once in a while. I did that when I left my home for the first time and moved to another country. You do need to give yourself time.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      write-with-coffee I enjoyed your story and am pleased that you found this site. My desire is to help others see that God has a good plan for our lives even though we don't always like the path we have to take. Hopefully this will be of an encouragement to others and give them hope to move past the pain.

    • write-with-coffee profile image

      Maria K 2 years ago from Bangalore

      Favored, this was a beautiful hub and spoke to me like a personal message from God. I found it very uplifting and your advice is very apt to help readers embrace change and move on. Thanks for commenting on my short story. That's how I came to your profile and found this wonderful hub.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      Karen I am saddened to hear about your mother's situation, but she seems to have a hold on reality. Even so, it's not easy to watch. You were right to let her come to this decision on her own. It's hard watching it play out though no matter how well it is planned. You're a loving daughter and I believe a comfort to your mother. May God strengthen you for this journey.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      Very well said AJ. Your words of encouragement having been in this situation, I'm sure will help those who follow your post. You are always a blessings. Thanks so visiting.

    • ajgodinho profile image

      Anthony Godinho 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      New beginnings are seldom easy, even if they are positive in nature (so to speak) let alone trying to move forward after losing a loved one.

      I've moved a lot in the past 15+ years (I lost my dad around that time) and what I've found that letting go is never easy. However, it is an important part of life, just mourning is. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting the past, it means reconciling with the past and trusting God with what lies ahead.

      We as humans often want to know what lies ahead and be prepared, but faith calls us to completely trust in God. It doesn't mean we do things blindly, it means that we truly trust in God. One thing I've learned from my walk is that the faster I learn to let go and trust God, the easier it becomes to move forward.

      Challenges and trials will always be there, especially if you walk with the Lord, but I serve a God who is in the business of doing the impossible. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen...that's powerful if we can grasp it!

      Stay blessed!

    • KarenHC profile image

      Karen 2 years ago from U.S.

      My mother recently made the decision to move from her small house to a smaller senior apartment. She is content with her decision (she wouldn't have been if we had pushed her to make it though), but for her the mourning comes from finally having to decide what she needed to give up and get rid of before she moved, to have room for everything in her new place, and also the realization that this will most likely be her last home. That, on top of having a serious chronic illness that limits her activity, is making her much more negative than she used to be. It's very understandable, but I am very sad for her.

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      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      Elsie, I'm so glad you left a comment and shared how you dealt with this transition. I hope it gives hope to others knowing that good has come from the change. Thank you for visiting. Nice to see you.

    • Elsie Hagley profile image

      Elsie Hagley 2 years ago from New Zealand

      Very interesting hub. I can understand how this lady feels having lost a loved one and now shifting. When we sold our farm after having lived there 30 years, brought up and school five children, it has taken my husband and I nearly 15 years to accept our new home it's still farming but it's beef, it takes time to accept change. I do now finally feel as I used to on the dairy farm, at peace with our life.

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      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      RonElFran you will encounter those feeling you didn't expect, but the good thing is that I know if you are moving you've already prayed about this decision.

      Things like a child's grow chart on a door jam or corner wall are memories we don't want to leave behind. Removing that piece and replacing it with a new one helps relieve some of those parting and empty feelings. Taking a clipping of a tree you planted with your family, etc. are all things that help with the move. Lots of photos and having the last activity in the house to be a positive one also mends a healing. The last thing we have in my parent's home was my sister's wedding.

      It seems like you and your wife have this in agreement and are looking forward to the next phase in your life. Your journey continues with bigger plans from God and I'm excited for you both. Blessings

    • RonElFran profile image

      Ronald E. Franklin 2 years ago from Mechanicsburg, PA

      My wife and I are considering moving in order to downsize. At this point I don't expect any negative feelings for either of us, but you've made me wonder if we might have some unanticipated reactions. We've lived in this house since we got married. We may be more attached to it than we realize.

    • favored profile image
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      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      Will pray over the storms Kenneth. Having a restful evening. Thank you.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      Will pray over the storms Kenneth. Having a restful evening. Thank you.

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