ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Health»
  • Death & Loss of Life

New Beginnings: Mourning Over A Home

Updated on July 11, 2017

It's Kind of a Big Deal After All

Google Image
Google Image

Is this a big deal?

There have been a lot of changes going on in my own little “space” that have caused me to take a look at the overall way I see things in the world.

I’m no different than anyone else who experiences changes, but like my hubby says, “Everyone’s circumstance is bigger in their eyes than anything else in the world.” That is true whether we want to admit it or not.

It’s during times like these when I need to take a moment to compare my situation with what others may be living and ask myself, “Is this a big deal? How will this change effect and affect my life?” These are questions we all ask when faced with challenges we didn’t foresee.

In my line of work I see so many things that even though I’m the professional and give a course of action to take, I’m not always sure I could handle the problem that my clients have. If we are to be honest with ourselves, even when we have all the answers we don’t know how we’ll respond in a situation until it happens in our own lives.

Image Source: Google

Having Trouble Moving On?

Did you know that moving to a new location after a traumatic incident can cause the same effects as losing a loved one?

Source

Answering the Call

Today was supposed to be an amazing day for a certain woman as she moved into her new home. Her life has changed dramatically and uprooting all ties from the south and moving north took guts.

A new job, friends, location and home is a lot to deal with all at one time. One might think there would be nothing to be discouraged about, but there was something she hadn’t considered.

When I received her call we discussed all the changes that a person makes in career changes, location or relationships. She had anticipated and finally followed through several months ago moving out of the area where she lived with her husband. Now it was time to actually move into her new home that she fell in love with during the walk through with the realtor.

Aside from the loss of a loved one, which she had two years ago, moving is among the leading causes of mourning. That’s right – mourning.

Letting Go of Material Things

It’s not unusual for people to experience times of mourning over losing a loved one. No one would even question if you pull back from activities and go into a “shell” for a short amount of time. They even expect it.

Often we walk people through the Seven –Ten Step process depending on which theory you follow. However, there is a big difference between a man and a woman when it comes to leaving their home behind in order to move on to new things.

Although a man may joke about his house being his “castle” and may find it difficult to leave it, his behavior is often based on anger, confusion, failure, defeat and deceit. Not so with women even though some of those things may be taken into consideration.

If a woman has to leave her home, she becomes vulnerable and unsettled because it has attacked her feelings of security. After I explained this to the lady she understood why she was having such negative and sad feelings during what would normally be a time of rejoicing.

Image Credit: Author

Another Kind of Secuirty

Do you agree that women find security in their homes?

See results

Is There Anything I Can Do?

What are some things you can do to break free of these feeling so that you can move on and enjoy the changes?

One thing you don’t want to do is second guess every decision you have made in order to move forward. If you have prayed and have sought good counsel, trust that God has directed your path, even if you don’t understand everything that is going on at the moment.

Cut yourself some slack and embrace that this is a process, and it will take time. That’s OK.

Find the good in every situation. No matter what is happening in “your world” right now, someone else is experiencing something much worse. This attitude is fine to some extent, but understand that it isn’t to be used to lessen the way you feel or discount your pain.

It’s true, there will always be others that may be suffering in a greater way, but that doesn’t mean God isn’t as concerned with your hurt as He is someone else’s. Everything that happens to you is important to God. The thing we forget is to bring them to Him in prayer. There will be a silver lining, even if you have to wait some time before seeing it.

Two Ways of Thinking

There are two ways that people approach their new beginnings: optimistically or pessimistically. You alone decide which approach to take. Realize that the one you select will be the one you “feed” and that will be the one that determines how you come through the circumstance.

If you never find any good in the situation, your emotional healing will take a very long time.

Part of being optimistic in moving on is that individuals may fail to find their motivation to “dig in” and make the changes necessary. Before anyone can make a change, they have to understand why they wanted one in the first place or why they needed to make it. Once that is established, the process can begin, even though it may be hard.

Trusting God to make the right decisions and heal a broken heart.
Trusting God to make the right decisions and heal a broken heart. | Source

Motivated to Keep Going

No matter what we do in life it all stems from our reason of motivation as to why we are making these decisions. Most of our motivation in doing something is fairly easy, and is simply based on our daily routine or needs that surround our lives and families. However, staying motivated when there is a life altering situation is often difficult and needs some persuading.

Once the means for moving on is recognized there may be a time of questioning, self-doubt and lessons of humility, that literally break us into accepting reality. It can be described as a feeling of numbness or emptiness.

After the reasons have been established allow time to work through them, this includes a mourning time of anger or aggression over the situation. In this case the woman was angry over facing the situation without her mate even though she loved her new place.

She mourned over the home she shared with her spouse that was now a part of a past that she didn’t expect in his sudden death. Any sense of stability or security that she shared with her love was shattered, and now the home she was moving into was once a dream she had with her mate. A typical emotion, but not the scenario.

This is temporary. You're going to make it!
This is temporary. You're going to make it! | Source

You Can Do This

Working through the negative emotions often includes an outside source that sees the other side of the coin, so to speak. Participate in several sessions of conversations that include asking yourself or the individual the what “if’s” of the situation.

Instead of focusing on let’s say, “What if her husband didn’t die” type questions, introduce things that might spark an interest in something not related to that topic.

For example, What if instead of seeing that you’re not sharing this with your husband, you see it as a new beginning that includes you having a chance to start over with something many people will never have.

Beginning with a thankful heart will allow the mourning time to pass swiftly as you embrace the things you never knew were available to you.

Embrace change and allow others to be a part of it. Believe that God will work this out for your good and allow His Word to comfort you. Seek wisdom in every step by getting involved with a church focus group that may be experiencing similar problems. There is no shame in reaching out and it will assist the healing as you work through your material mourning process.

God is waiting to give you a fresh start, but you have to have stay in faith trusting that this too will pass, it’s only temporary.

  • Don’t second guess all your decisions.
  • Give yourself a break.
  • Choose to be optimistic.
  • Involve others.
  • Embrace the new life that awaits you giving thanks for the New Beginning.

© 2014 Fay Favored

Have you ever experienced this type of mourning?

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      Hello Farawaytree, when a move isn't expected it can really set off emotions you didn't realize you had. Good to see you.

    • Farawaytree profile image

      Michelle Zunter 2 years ago from California

      I like this one. Moving is indeed very traumatic. Sometimes you don't even realize how much - the emotions sneak up on you!

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      CrisSp, this is a lesson that all of us seem to learn at some point of our life. Glad to have you visit today.

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Very inspirational and motivational read. I like what you said and I agree, that the one we choose (or whatever we select) will be the one we “feed” .

      Been there...done that!

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      GmaGoldie it's good to hear how you are taking this all in stride. Hoping your new activity finds you with great memories as you prepare to make new ones.

    • GmaGoldie profile image

      Kelly Kline Burnett 2 years ago from Madison, Wisconsin

      I am purging and continuing to downsize. Yes, a home is "security" to many especially females but as Danny Gans so wisely stated The Journey is Here at Home and home is truly where the heart is.

      Thank you for the motivational hub.

      So glad I met you. Will be sure to follow and keep in touch.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      aesta1 With all the traveling you do, home can be a place of security and peace. I hope your new place will be exactly the one for you both for this time in your life. Thanks so much for visiting. It's nice to see you.

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      We sold our house which my husband and I gutted and redesigned. We loved it so much but it was just not the place to retire. We have our summer home but we need a winter one. We are now in search for what we really want. You are right about getting into a shell once in a while. I did that when I left my home for the first time and moved to another country. You do need to give yourself time.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      write-with-coffee I enjoyed your story and am pleased that you found this site. My desire is to help others see that God has a good plan for our lives even though we don't always like the path we have to take. Hopefully this will be of an encouragement to others and give them hope to move past the pain.

    • write-with-coffee profile image

      Maria K 2 years ago from Bangalore

      Favored, this was a beautiful hub and spoke to me like a personal message from God. I found it very uplifting and your advice is very apt to help readers embrace change and move on. Thanks for commenting on my short story. That's how I came to your profile and found this wonderful hub.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      Karen I am saddened to hear about your mother's situation, but she seems to have a hold on reality. Even so, it's not easy to watch. You were right to let her come to this decision on her own. It's hard watching it play out though no matter how well it is planned. You're a loving daughter and I believe a comfort to your mother. May God strengthen you for this journey.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      Very well said AJ. Your words of encouragement having been in this situation, I'm sure will help those who follow your post. You are always a blessings. Thanks so visiting.

    • ajgodinho profile image

      Anthony Godinho 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      New beginnings are seldom easy, even if they are positive in nature (so to speak) let alone trying to move forward after losing a loved one.

      I've moved a lot in the past 15+ years (I lost my dad around that time) and what I've found that letting go is never easy. However, it is an important part of life, just mourning is. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting the past, it means reconciling with the past and trusting God with what lies ahead.

      We as humans often want to know what lies ahead and be prepared, but faith calls us to completely trust in God. It doesn't mean we do things blindly, it means that we truly trust in God. One thing I've learned from my walk is that the faster I learn to let go and trust God, the easier it becomes to move forward.

      Challenges and trials will always be there, especially if you walk with the Lord, but I serve a God who is in the business of doing the impossible. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen...that's powerful if we can grasp it!

      Stay blessed!

    • KarenHC profile image

      Karen 2 years ago from U.S.

      My mother recently made the decision to move from her small house to a smaller senior apartment. She is content with her decision (she wouldn't have been if we had pushed her to make it though), but for her the mourning comes from finally having to decide what she needed to give up and get rid of before she moved, to have room for everything in her new place, and also the realization that this will most likely be her last home. That, on top of having a serious chronic illness that limits her activity, is making her much more negative than she used to be. It's very understandable, but I am very sad for her.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 2 years ago from USA

      Elsie, I'm so glad you left a comment and shared how you dealt with this transition. I hope it gives hope to others knowing that good has come from the change. Thank you for visiting. Nice to see you.

    • Elsie Hagley profile image

      Elsie Hagley 2 years ago from New Zealand

      Very interesting hub. I can understand how this lady feels having lost a loved one and now shifting. When we sold our farm after having lived there 30 years, brought up and school five children, it has taken my husband and I nearly 15 years to accept our new home it's still farming but it's beef, it takes time to accept change. I do now finally feel as I used to on the dairy farm, at peace with our life.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      RonElFran you will encounter those feeling you didn't expect, but the good thing is that I know if you are moving you've already prayed about this decision.

      Things like a child's grow chart on a door jam or corner wall are memories we don't want to leave behind. Removing that piece and replacing it with a new one helps relieve some of those parting and empty feelings. Taking a clipping of a tree you planted with your family, etc. are all things that help with the move. Lots of photos and having the last activity in the house to be a positive one also mends a healing. The last thing we have in my parent's home was my sister's wedding.

      It seems like you and your wife have this in agreement and are looking forward to the next phase in your life. Your journey continues with bigger plans from God and I'm excited for you both. Blessings

    • RonElFran profile image

      Ronald E Franklin 3 years ago from Mechanicsburg, PA

      My wife and I are considering moving in order to downsize. At this point I don't expect any negative feelings for either of us, but you've made me wonder if we might have some unanticipated reactions. We've lived in this house since we got married. We may be more attached to it than we realize.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Will pray over the storms Kenneth. Having a restful evening. Thank you.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Will pray over the storms Kenneth. Having a restful evening. Thank you.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, favored,

      Just saying hello and praying that you are having a happy and peaceful night.

      Bad thunderstorms headed our way here in northwest Alabama tonight, Monday and Monday night.

      Pray for us.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Yvette Munro I believe God allowed you to visit this site for a reason. I'm sorry that this isn't a decision that you would have wanted, but believe God is taking you into something better. He's doing a new thing in your life.

    • Yvette Munro profile image

      Yvette Munro 3 years ago

      Thank you for this article, it has been extremely helpful to me. I am currently in the process of moving and not by choice. A lot of what you've said in this article has made me realize just how I need to approach things going forward. Up until now I've been rather stuck. It's so strange (or meant to be) that I came across this article today.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Radhika I'm glad you found this article before the move to help you prepare for what's to come. In learning to separate from the old there is a process you need to go through, in closure from what was to embracing the new. List the things you will emotionally list, then the environment and social changes. Make a new list of how you will replace those things in your new place. This doesn't mean you remove your feelings, but allow new experiences to add now become a part of the entire journey. Blessings on the new adventure and peaceful move.

    • radhikasree profile image

      Radhika Sreekanth 3 years ago from Mumbai,India

      We're on the verge of moving to our new home in some months' time. This article would be of very useful for me during the shifting process. Bookmarked, voted up, useful and interesting. Sharing in Hubpages.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      yasirchohan I'm very sorry that you had such a devastating experience and hope that this will help you in comforting others that may be going through what you did. Thank you for your kind comment about my husband as well.

    • yasirchohan profile image

      Yasir chohan 3 years ago from Reisterstown

      I moved about 4 to 5 years ago from rental apartment, but it was still devastating for my family. We had spent more than 10 years in that home. I think I would have benefited a lot form your article if I had come across it sooner. Our shifting may have been easier on us, slightly but slightly easy.

      I do agree with your husband, he sounds like a wise man!

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      kenneth avery my fees do vary. Normally for a counsel session it's $100 per hour, but over the phone or web it's $50. You can send it to my paypal. No interest for 4 months according to the grace period rules. LOL

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      @ favored,

      Thank you. I am getting more rest and sleep. Thank you kindly, "Dr. Favored." Send me a bill for your diagnosis by staying in touch.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Linda BookLady I can imagine how hard it was to leave all those wonderful things behind, but you have a good handle on it. Trusting the Lord that He has something better for you is part of the healing process.

    • Linda BookLady profile image

      Linda Jo Martin 3 years ago from Post Falls, Idaho, USA

      This article really spoke to me. I too have been missing my home. Well, not the house so much as the town it was in. I lived in that house for 13 years and was very ready to leave - but it was in a small town where I've got lots of friends. I left so much at one time... my house, town, friends, the beautiful forest it was in, the river running nearby. I miss all those things. I really want to go back... but you're right, I should pray about that. There were reasons I had to leave, and reasons I'm where I'm at now.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      esmonaco I can see how this kind of move during a child's teen years is hard to do and adds to the overall stress of the event. I am pleased that your family did gain from the experience. It's nice to read good reports.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      DDE I am so very sad to hear of the pain you suffered in moving. So many have experienced this and unless you have been through it sometimes people don't understand. I pray God restores to you one hundred fold. Thank you for sharing with us.

    • esmonaco profile image

      Eugene Samuel Monaco 3 years ago from Lakewood New York

      We moved years ago because I had a job offer, it was one of the most stressful things I had to do. One of our kids was just starting high school and the youngest was in grade school. It was very difficult, but years later all for the good. Thanks for the wonderful insight :)

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Interesting hub! When I moved from RSA to CROATIA twelve years ago I missed everything I had and did not know if I will ever get back I what I had lost in such a way. Time sort of healed and still I miss that life. My things well, I had to start all over again and that will never be same again.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      WriterJanis I'm pleased to hear that your move was one desired. Good to see you.

    • WriterJanis profile image

      Janis 3 years ago from California

      I like the hope that this Hub brings. I've moved before, but it was because I wanted to. I would hate to have it the other way.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      aliciaribush He would like that. Nice to see you.

    • aliciaribush profile image

      Alicia Ribush 3 years ago from United Kingdom

      I think you hubby looks like a famous philosopher! What you say? Just kidding. BTW great hub!

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      ALL4JESUS that's very sweet of you. I hope this information is a comfort to others as they go through a difficult time in their lives. Appreciate your visit.

    • ALL4JESUS profile image

      ALL4JESUS 3 years ago from USA

      Beautiful hub! I can definitely relate. Very wise information. So glad I have found you. Voted up.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      lawrence01 I love to hear a praise report. God has promised us a good end and I am glad you shared it here. His timing is always right even though it may take us a while to realize it. I'm really happy you were so blessed.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Thanks for visiting kenneth avery. Hope you can get some rest.

    • lawrence01 profile image

      Lawrence Hebb 3 years ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

      Really good hub! We went through this as a family a couple of years ago and it was hard but necessary. We went from owning our own house to renting but the truth is God did know what was better for us and he gave us a home that is way better then we could ever have afforded.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, favored,

      Keep the fine work coming.

      I have been answering comments, revising hubs and just counting the minutes until bedtime.

      Whoever said that being on Hubs was a breeze has never been on Hubs.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Colin323 with your talent I'm sure time will remember you more than a house. I can't imagine moving that many times, but many have. Thinking of them as borrowed for a time is true, we are only travelers passing through this life. Thank you for taking time to visit.

    • profile image

      Colin323 3 years ago

      I try and remember George Eliot's words: 'Every ending is a beginning' in situations of profound loss like this. Moving home, particularly if one is forced into the situation by divorce or financial catastrophe, is very, very hard to bear. But it is easy to be crushed by the new beginning - seeing it as a threat, rather than a chance to start afresh. With homes (I have had 6 house moves in my lifetime so far) I always felt that I never really 'owned' the house, but was just borrowing it for a time, as they are all likely to be still there in 50 years time when I am long gone, all occupied by people who would never know or care I existed. Everything passes.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Loretta L you make everything sound exciting, even moving. Your attitude is a good one and I hope others find their peace like you have with each new home. If you ever have to move, I have no doubt you'll be the blessing that moves to that area.

    • Loretta L profile image

      Loretta Livingstone 3 years ago from Chilterns, UK.

      Hello Favored.

      No I haven't experienced this type of mourning. I have moved home three times, but each time it was for something better. I never thought I'd want to leave each home, but each move was a happy one. The first was when I married my lovely husband, so although I missed my mum, my dad and my dear old dog, I had my first home with my lovely man. That was a small studio flat. I thought I would never want to leave, but when the time was right, I was ready to go. 6 years on, we moved into a two bedroomed flat in a beautiful part of the country. Again, I fell in love with my new home and never wanted to move. But circumstances change. Smokers moved in below and their smoke filtered into our home. Then very noisy people moved in below. So, although I missed my dear little flat, when we moved into a house with a garden, I was thrilled. I hope that this will be our forever home. I love it and we have lived here for more than ten years but, if circumstances change, then I hope I will love my new home as much.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      SheGetsCreative even though what you do is hard, I'm sure you are a comfort and blessing to those who have to go through this process. I'm so glad you shared that. If you have an article on it please let me know. I'd love to read it and learn more from your experience. Blessings

    • SheGetsCreative profile image

      Angela F 3 years ago from Seattle, WA

      Voted useful - so much "gentle" advice for moving on. I work as a home organizer and have packed up quite a few homes. The ones where someone is leaving due to foreclosure, death or illness of a spouse are always the hardest.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Hello Sandy thank you for visiting and commenting. It's good to see you.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      pstraubie48 you hit a key point in the healing process. Some people rush through it and instead of moving ahead they become unmotivated in moving on with what could be a good change. Appreciate your comment.

    • SandyMertens profile image

      Sandy Mertens 3 years ago from Frozen Tundra

      I cannot add any more but losing a spouse and moving are stressful. Good that you right about keeping it all in perspective and being optimistic.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 3 years ago from sunny Florida

      Well said!! Moving is a big deal. But it is also about choices as it is with anything in life..we can choose to let it be our undoing or we can deal with it and move on.

      Definitely I think we should acknowledge the pain it causes, the stress, the whole 'change' then...denying our feelings compounds our feelings that all is not well with our world. Give ourselves some time to adjust and then begin anew Easy? NO. But it can happen.

      Great hub Shared and voted up :D

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Yes, Writer Fox that is right and this woman had both happen. It was a tremendous loss and difficult to cope with without her faith and friends. Thank you for the validation of the seriousness of this.

    • Writer Fox profile image

      Writer Fox 3 years ago from the wadi near the little river

      A poll was once conducted by Reader's Digest Magazine that found moving is the most stressful event next to losing a spouse! I enjoyed reading more about coping with this stress in your fine article. Voted up!

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Seasons Greetings What encouragement that "at some point something changes and the new place becomes home too." I like that. Thanks for sharing your journey.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Jemjoseph I can see how such a tranquil place would be hard to leave. I hope that as an adult you have been able to capture some of those things in your own yard or home.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Craftymarie I can surely relate to this with my father after my mom when home to Heaven. Having loved ones and friends around helps in the transition.

    • Craftymarie profile image

      Marie 3 years ago

      I have a family member going through exactly this scenario - having to move from a cherished home after many years of living there. I think it can be very hard indeed and perhaps harder the older you get to deal with such a change. But new beginnings, though daunting, can be a blessing too. Thanks for your positive and helpful article.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Hi LornsA178 thanks for stopping by. Although you had to made a tough decision I'm glad that in some ways spending time with your family heals your heart. I know how much you are looking forward to Christmas.

    • LornsA178 profile image

      LornsA178 3 years ago

      When I was still single, our family moved from the house I grew up. It was a bitter sweet change. The house was getting old and we really need to leave the place. Part of me don't want to go, but deep inside I want change too.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Thank you annart for your kind words and encouragement. I'm glad to meet you.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 3 years ago from SW England

      An upbeat, informative hub, full of common sense and supportive suggestions. Thinking about the positive is always a good step.

      It is difficult to leave a house you've been happy in and spent a long time in. Add the grief of losing a loved one to that and it's a double whammy.

      Welcome to hubpages! A great first hub.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      ecogranny you have a good grasp on things and I'm sure have been able to comfort others who have gone through the changes that come with moving. Thank you for sharing such special moments in your life and being an encourager to others.

    • Jemjoseph profile image

      Jemjoseph 3 years ago

      I haven't experienced this type of mourning for a home, but I know that sometimes we can become so attached to things in our lives that hold so many memories that they seem to almost become are a part of our identity. Come to think of it, as a child my parents moved when I was maybe 7yrs old. The move was only to a location that would be a couple blocks away, but I had at that young age developed an attachment with that garden filled with butterflies and tall trees and felt for many years after as though I had been uprooted.

    • Seasons Greetings profile image

      Laura Brown 3 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I'm working on some changes to myself as well. Our home is our island, our place to keep everything, to be safe and sheltered. It is hard when you have to pack up and move, change to a new place . I've moved often and never like it. But, at some point something changes and the new place becomes home too. Usually something small that makes it feel like home and gives you a feeling of being right there.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Thank you miss Brenda (TreasuresBrenda) for the heads up. So glad that you haven't had to make a move like this in some time now.

    • ecogranny profile image

      Kathryn Grace 3 years ago from San Francisco

      I admit I have not for place. For people, yes, but not for place. As a child whose parents moved every two-to-four years, I learned young how to let go and to look forward to what's next. Every new place was an adventure of discovery and making new friends. Eventually, my parents settled down, but I was nearly grown by then. I moved around a bit in my young adulthood, but once I married, I lived in the same house for thirteen years. Even though it was a lovely home, I grew bored with the house and the town and itched to see something new.

      Eventually I did get to move and travel a bit, though I've never desired or become a world traveler like so many. Today, my wanderlust is pretty well tamed. When I move someplace, I call it home for a long time. I've lived in the city for more than a decade. I admit, though, I'm ready to move back to the country, with room for gardens and shade trees and chickens and maybe a goat to milk.

      When we finally leave here, I know I will forever have fond memories of our lively neighborhood and pretty apartment, but I will be so grateful for earth under my feet instead of concrete that I will be happy to be gone from here.

      I'm fortunate that my parents' career took them to lots of new places and that they had the skill and love to show me and my siblings how to enjoy new experiences. It wasn't always easy. We had plenty of heartaches, like any family, but my folks imparted a strength and appetite for change that makes letting go a lot easier than it might have been. I wish such ease and peace for anyone facing change.

    • TreasuresBrenda profile image

      Treasures By Brenda 3 years ago from Canada

      I know what it is like to leave behind a home though fortunately I haven't had to do that for a long time. I really like the five concise points to take away at the end of your post.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Hi debW07 good words to live by but not always easy to do. Glad you have a grasp on it and are able to be a blessing to others in times like these.

      You're right bossypants any kind of change can be challenging and takes a time to make the adjustments.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      TonyPayne letting go of possessions was also the hardest thing I've hard to learn. Having gone through the same thing it helped me to have a better sense of how I can comfort someone else.

      Thank you ReviewsfromSandy for visiting. Nice to see both of you here.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Thank you PegCole17 for you kind words of encouragement. Sometimes having someone there is all the help one needs.

      I agree ocfireflies, starting over isn't always easy but often needed to heal.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Not everyone experiences a hard time in moving Faith Reaper and are very much like you. I too look forward to new challenges. It's those unexpected things that come into our lives that sometimes are difficult to face alone. Thanks so much for the welcome Faith, I appreciate your visit and comment.

    • bossypants profile image

      bossypants 3 years ago from America's Dairyland

      Wonderful and generous message for anyone dealing with change. Even "good" changes take adjustment.

    • profile image

      debW07 3 years ago

      Wow! Absolutely lovely article, Fay! This is something I heard a long time ago that has stuck with me and made it easier to let go of things: "Never love anything that can't love you back." I have made an effort to put those words into action and I work at not getting attached to things that are just that, things.

    • ReviewsfromSandy profile image

      Sandy Mertens 3 years ago from Wisconsin

      This is a good message for those in mourning and have to accept change.

    • TonyPayne profile image

      Tony Payne 3 years ago from Southampton, UK

      I remember when my Mom died, trying to decide whether to keep her apartment and to rent it out or to sell it. With hindsight I should have held onto it as property prices have skyrocketed.

      It's the items of sentimental value that I found it hard to get rid of though, since I had grown up with most of them, but after 17 years I am finally getting over some of those material things.

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      favored,

      Way to start off HP with such a meaningful hub. I have had to move many times and it is never easy.

      Best,

      ocfireflies aka Kim

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Having someone to talk to about the changes in her life has most likely been the greatest help for this woman as she faces these major changes. From personal experience, I can tell you that years after leaving a favorite home, I still had dreams of that place and the life I once lived there. Homes are deeply emotional places and this person faced the reality of leaving all the comfort of memories she shared with a loved one, now gone too. I admire your role in the challenges of providing counselling to people facing life's major events.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Hi favored,

      Welcome to HubPages! Wonderful insight here. Yes, a sudden upheaval can certainly be traumatic. I have owned three homes during my married life, but did not have a traumatic life changing reason for moving. I am one to adapt to change well and enjoy new experiences. The home we own now has so many memories in just a little over six years. That may be due to having three grandchildren now and already having such precious memories. It would be hard to move from this home.

      Blessings

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Thanks David. It's nice to have people I know already here. Hoping we all do well.

    • David Stone profile image

      David Stone 3 years ago from New York City

      Your off to a great start here, and I'm looking forward to what you will do in the future.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      WriterJanis yes it was for both my sister and myself. "Back Home" is always home no matter where you live.

      Glad to see you smine27. I'm glad this has been of some help to you, especially knowing all you have been through. Thanks for your comment and visit.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Thanks ReviewsfromSandy for visiting. Often times there is a blessing in these things.

    • smine27 profile image

      Shinichi Mine 3 years ago from Tokyo, Japan

      Very inspirational and helpful for everyone, including myself.

    • WriterJanis profile image

      Janis 3 years ago from California

      You have covered this beautifully. It really must have been hard to move away from a home which held so many memories.

    • ReviewsfromSandy profile image

      Sandy Mertens 3 years ago from Wisconsin

      Good advice. I tend to become too pessimistic and need to find that motivation. Hardship can be a blessing if you feed from it.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Thank you billybuc. I appreciate your visit and kind comment.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      So many comments. Obviously you touched hearts with this one. Beautiful thoughts and reflections here.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      I think you're right Lynne-Modranski about a double loss. You would think that this would be taken into consideration. It had to imagine someone moving as many times as you have. Your mindset is a healthy one.

    • Lynne-Modranski profile image

      Lynne Modranski 3 years ago from Ohio

      In 34 years of marriage, I've moved about 20 times. My attitude has always been home is where my "stuff" is. That's really helped me be able to move without that period of mourning. Also, with that many moves, I didn't get as attached to my home as someone who'd lived in the same house for a long time. I especially feel for someone who lost a spouse or any loved one and had to move at the same time. As a clergy spouse, I have friends who've had to do that. When the house comes with the job, you generally have 30 days to move after the death of the pastor/spouse. I think that double loss would take a lot more time for healing.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      mary615 I am sorry that you had to make such a move, but glad to hear how you have adjusted. I appreciate your comment and hope other see how you were able to make the changes.

      DealForALiving thank you for taking the time to visit and leave a comment. Much appreciated.

    • DealForALiving profile image

      Sam Deal 3 years ago from Earth

      This is such a terrific perspective on this transition. Thanks so much for sharing.

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 3 years ago from Florida

      I experienced a major change in my life about a year ago. I was forced to downsize from a large 3/3 home into a tiny apartment. I mourned over loosing my home of 35 years.

      I made it through, and I'm adjusted to my new life style, and it was good for me in many ways to have to make a change.

      Voted up etc. and shared.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      Victoria Lynn it's good that you had that option. I'm sure it has helped a great deal.

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 3 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      Excellent insight. I still miss my last house--my first--that I bought. I couldn't let it go, so I'm renting it out. :-) Sharing this article!

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      jtrader thank you for your visit.

      teaches12345 I can't imagine letting go so many time. You surely understand these emotions. Appreciate you sharing them here.

    • favored profile image
      Author

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      colorfulone you have embraced all the challenges and have a healthy attitude for a good outcome. Thanks for the encouragement.