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No-Neck Guy

Updated on February 10, 2011
No-Neck Guy, rickzimmerman 2010
No-Neck Guy, rickzimmerman 2010

And now we come to Patient #XB-407523-C, known to most of the residents of our clinic colloquially as ‘No-Neck Guy’ — for rather apparent reasons.

This Patient exhibits a vivid embodiment of what is properly and more precisely referred to in the medical literature as a ‘6A’: An Arbitrary And Arresting Anatomical Anomaly. In this particular form of 6A, the lack of a neck is but one obvious resultant of the anomaly. It seems that rather than having both a pair of clavicles and a pair of jawbones (or mandibles), these afflicted individuals have only ‘clavibles’, bones that serve as both clavicle and jawbone, insuring a ‘no-neck’ effect. Other effects of this malady include right-angle hair and right-angle hands, as well as exceedingly large feet — in this case 43-GGG. (The overstated polka-dot shirt is neither a symptom nor a result of this ailment. It just happens to be this Patient’s choice; go figure.)

Though the matter has been under study for some time, our researchers have not yet been able to determine whether mustache hairs that sprout directly from the nose are the fate of all those afflicted by this particular type of 6A.

Luckily, Patient #XB-407523-C is doing quite well in residency, spending much of his days being mildly surprised by the breeze and birds that drift over the north knoll of the infirmary’s side lawn.

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