Not Sure If I Would Call It a Comeback?
"God smiles upon drunks and fools,"
I am reminded of this little saying today. Even though I am not sure why that little quote has been echoing through my head, but it is has been apprepo one time or another. I've been either/or a drunk and/or a fool more times than I would care to admit. I"m sure that I am still more one than the other even today.
Someone must have been smiling down upon me back when I was active in my addiction, because I never killed, mamed or seriously injured anyone when I was foolish enough to drink and drive (which was more often than I will admit in public forum) I think back upon those days and I am so thankful. I am lucky over all, that I've mostly hurt only myself back in those days.
Don't get me wrong...I hurt family, friends, loved ones; I lost more money than I can imagine, cars, and the roof over my head a couple of times. I once had an extremely well paying job and I slept on friends couches, because I was drinking most of the money I made. I lost plenty and all for what? To go so far, so fast at an early age and just to throw all away; to this day I can't believe I had done such a thing. At one time I was so proud of it, I used to brag about it while drinking in a bar, of course. Still to this day I am a little "gun shy" when I think of have any sense of success.
Because just over a year ago, I come close to self-destructing once again. I started to find myself burning too hot, too fast once again. Luckily somebody upstairs interviened by having my butt hauled off for 3 months in lock-up. Which I truly believe saved my life, because I had no choice but to clean up my act. Everything is far from perfect, but I don't need perfect...I enjoy my slightly flawed, occaisonally upside down, once in a while backwards life. It keeps everything around me interesting. Some how I find sanity and safety in the direction I am pointed in...granted there are still things I do want. But who knows with a little hard work, dedication and somebody smiling down upon this fool...I may end up turning out just right after all.