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Texas Toilet Terrors

Updated on February 12, 2017

Don't Touch!

My first encounter with the Kung Fu Toilet Terror was in restroom.  When the Ninja Toilet warrior is in the house, the room is anything but restful.  Since he refuses to touch anything in the bathroom, he delivers a karate kick to the chrome handle of urinal.  A little disconcerting the first time you see it.  Kind of like someone getting a phone call in the bathroom on their cell phone and then answering it.  Gawd.

One day while I was standing on a glass enclosed walkway that extends between two sky scrapers, I happened to be looking out over the street at the passersby when I noticed the Kung Toilet Terror entering one of the sky scrapers.  At that distance, how was I sure it was him?  Easy.  He did not touch the revolving door with his hands.  That would have been unsanitary.  He pushed it around with his feet.  Imagine going through life terrified of he hideous crap people leave all over door knobs and keyboards.  Imagine the upbringing you had to have to be so messed up over the perils of daily living.

It reminds me of the time a number of us from the office had to come in on a weekend and review business proposals.  One guy brought in his little girl.  She was well mannered and a great deal less annoying than one or two of the review participants.  Nevertheless at one point her father bought her an ice cream cone.  Like most youngsters she quite enjoyed it.  Until she was finished and she noticed the ice cream stain on her dress.  She was fussing with it and trying to clean it when her dad came up, wet a napkin, gave the stain a few vigorous swipes and announced it clean.  She looked down an announced “No it is isn’t!”    She took the napkin and rubbed the stain almost hard enough to wear a hole in it.  I never did see her stop rubbing at that stain.  Can you imagine how horrible that little girl’s mother must be?  Probably hates kids and the messes they make.  And has made her little daughter think that she is hated when she makes a mess.  Gawd.

There’s clean and then there obsessive compulsive.  How many times a day do you wash your hands?  I recall two characters in movies one who played Howard Hughes and another character played by Jack Nicholson who rubbed their hands raw with soap and hot water. 

Do you obsess about germs?  We need the right amount and the right kinds of germs if for no other reason than to build up our immune systems.  Still, it doesn’t do to go without washing in the cold and flu season.

Remember that disgusting advice we were given by government to sneeze on our sleeves?

Well, I do think that one of the better ways to avoid contagion is to have touchless restrooms.  All flushers and faucets need to be automatic.  Even the door should be automatic.  No touching in the toilet!


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    • poetryman6969 profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago

      Patricia, I look forward to the day when all restrooms were the way God meant them to be: Touchless!!!

      That and all surfaces should be intrinsically germ resistant. We have the technology to have a lot fewer germs around if we want it. We need a certain amount of germs to be healthy but what with stuff like MRSA around, I would not mind more dead toxic microbes in the world.

      Be blessed!

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 

      4 years ago from North Central Florida

      Obsessed is not exactly the word I would use but I do clean my hands, a lot. Especially when I am out and about.

      I have spray hand gel in my car and a small container in my tiny purse.

      And I gladly share.

      Angels are on the way to you this morning ps

    • poetryman6969 profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago

      Hello Peggy. I shudder to think what the clean freak might do to that poor, defenseless urinal when open carry becomes the rule. I remember an episode of the Simpsons wherein Homer was using a gun to change the channels on his television.

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 

      4 years ago from Houston, Texas

      As a former OR nurse, I know the importance of hand washing. I still keep my nails clipped short, do not paint my nails and wash my hands frequently especially after using a restroom. I am continually amazed at the number of people who do not wash hands after using a restroom! That being said, those people like Howard Hughes are to be pitied. Their fear of germs must make their lives quite miserable. Living in Texas, your title caught my attention. Ha!

    • poetryman6969 profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago

      Peg, some say a balanced life is a happy one.

      I wish all those nosy, busy body bureaucrats who are always trying to tell us how to blow our noses would get busy making all bathrooms touchless. It's harder to transmit germs if you never touch anything in there. The sinks and paper towels should all work on proximity or body heat.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 

      4 years ago from Northeast of Dallas, Texas

      The Kung Fu toilet terror is funny, Poet. Although, worse is the ones who leave the facility without using the sink to wash their hands. I've watched it done a thousand times by office workers and others who should know better. Then they come and use your phone or your pen. Ick.

      I remember that movie with Leonardo DiCaprio as Howard Hughes. That is taking it to the extreme.

    • poetryman6969 profile imageAUTHOR


      5 years ago

      Susan, you are doubtless correct. Still, it was the only time I saw someone kick a urinal.

    • Susan Trump profile image

      Susan Trump 

      5 years ago from San Diego, California

      If the door isn't auto you get all the handwork or those who don't wash....admittedly a bit compulsive, but not always.

    • poetryman6969 profile imageAUTHOR


      5 years ago

      Au fait, I agree with you that touchless is the way to go. In the meantime they are developing special lights and special metallic surfaces that should kill more germs and make transmission through touch more difficult. After all, kids are still going to touch everything no matter what they are told.

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 

      5 years ago from North Texas

      I've written about hand washing and I've checked again since the last time to see how many women actually wash their hands after using the commode. One in 5 women at both our public library and at Walmart actually make any kind of attempt to wash their hands before leaving the latrine. Most don't even glance in the direction of the sinks.

      My father didn't force me to do anything special unless I might touch his dishes or food, but he was extremely fussy about hand washing and things that made it necessary. I guess I get it from him, but I try not to touch anything in public that I don't have to touch. Stair rails, door handles, even merchandise. You never know what you'll get. Somebody's cold, flu, skin disease . . .

      My hands aren't raw, but I do wash them several times a day. Generally just after trips to the latrine. Not to worry, I still get plenty of germs to help keep my immune system alert.

      Agree one can go overboard, but in today's world with so many exotic things floating around one can't be too careful. Have my fingers crossed, but it's been a year and a half since I've had a cold and I'm generally out in the public most of the time where everyone is coughing and sneezing, etc.

      There are no doors on the entrances to newer bathrooms here, only doors on the stalls. No need to touch faucets on the sinks or handles on the commode. Most things are 90% or more touchless.

      Scientists are now talking about how most things are airborne and if one shares a ventilation system, as in an apartment or office building, they could end up with the same diseases -- diarrhea, flu, etc.

    • poetryman6969 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      It's a dirty world!

    • Cathi Sutton profile image

      Cathi Sutton 

      6 years ago

      A study was done in the '80s which determined the faucets on bathroom sinks were actually the dirtiest place in the bathroom. I'm all for touchless water faucets in bathrooms. (Says the woman who actually tasted mud pies, and dog food once on a dare, as a child!)


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