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People With Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (Ocpd) Can Impact Negatively on Relationships

Updated on January 8, 2020
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Marie has been a marketing writer for many years. She writes about topics she is passionate about like mental health, travel and food.

People with OCPD like to be alone. This man standing on a beach alone is an example of an ideal situation for these reclusive types.
People with OCPD like to be alone. This man standing on a beach alone is an example of an ideal situation for these reclusive types.

OCD and OCPD. These conditions are often confused.

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder or OCPD can and does have a negative impact on relationships. Living with someone who has this disorder can be frustrating and emotionally draining as their obsessions and perfectionism become harder to bear.

There are some misconceptions between OCPD and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) as the two are regularly confused. Both are anxiety disorders but people with OCPD do not know they suffer a mental condition, it is a disorder of their personality. To them their traits are normal and everyone else is considered lazy, misguided and generally wasting their time on trivial matters like socialising.

OCD is not OCPD.

Many people think that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is the same condition as Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. They are two different conditions, one being a condition of anxiety (OCD), the other being a personality trait condition. People with OCD understand they have a disorder which is impacting negatively on their life, people with OCPD have no idea their condition impacts negatively on their life, or anyone else's for that matter.


People with OCPD can be obsessed with items being matched perfectly. These playing cards are an example of order, which is what OCPDers crave.
People with OCPD can be obsessed with items being matched perfectly. These playing cards are an example of order, which is what OCPDers crave.

When Enough is Enough.

George and Marion's marriage is over.

Marion is a good friend of mine and I have witnessed her struggles with her husband George (who suffers OCPD) for 20 years. Outwardly their marriage seemed as stable a marriage as could be expected of one lasting so long, but inwardly (for Marion at least) there was a time bomb ticking away.

"My frustrations reached boiling point, as much as I love George I just couldn't live with his obsessions and his warped sense of perfection any longer."

This was Marion a few months ago when she told me she had left her husband after almost 20 years of marriage. Tears were streaming down her eyes as she recounted her story to me as she had done many times in her life.

"He doesn't understand what I need from our relationship and he never will, he can't. George's mind is wired differently, the OCPD is ingrained and without help such as cognitive therapy and some anti-anxiety or anti-depressant drugs, things will never change between us."

When George was diagnosed ten years ago he refused any form of treatment stating he did not wish to change his personality, he had been this way all his life. Marion had fallen in love with him the way he was, why did she want him to change now?

Relationships are difficult to navigate when both partners are like-minded but when you enter into a relationship with someone you know is very different to you there are bound to be problems in the long run. Marion had grown and evolved over the years they were married but George had remained the same almost childlike person so friction was inevitable. George seemed to need mothering more with each year of their marriage.

Once George was diagnosed and Marion had a 'name' for his quirkiness she thought it would make a difference to her, at least she knew what she was dealing with. She realised George's behaviour was a mental issue so he wasn't making aspersions about her character or how she performed certain tasks. This kept their relationship on an even keel for quite some time as every time George's quirks did get 'under her skin' Marion would simply remind herself of his OCPD.

So What Changed?

It was a gradual slide into two separate lives, Marion tried to fill her emotional void with various hobbies and spending time with girl friends rather than George. On the other hand George just kept doing things the same as he always had - work, home, playing some sport and generally oblivious to the fact that Marion had a whole separate life.

Marion became less and less emotional towards her husband, to the point they were living almost as flatmates. When she confronted George with the status of their relationship he was surprised as to why she was upset, he didn't understand Marion's emotional needs.

When she asked George whether he loved her he replied, "I married you didn't I, isn't that what love is? It's what you wanted wasn't it, you said 'yes' when I asked you to marry me?"

The look of confusion on George's face made her pity him but after years of keeping her feelings in check and trying to justify his behaviour, she just didn't have the energy to try to fix a relationship which had nowhere to go. She asked him for a divorce.


TREATMENT OF OCPD CAN HELP.

Relationships such as Marion and George's can be saved with the right treatment but in their case George's diagnosis was too little too late. Marion's emotional needs became more important to her and she wanted to feel a connection to her partner, something George was just unable to give.

As a friend of both of them I was upset their marriage was over but unfortunately I wasn't surprised. Even as a friend I found George very rigid and difficult with limited conversational skills, so I imagine Marion, apart from being bored, became emotionally exhausted.

I'd like to say I'll be there for both of them but I really don't think George would accept any help, least of all from me. Marion does keep in touch but she is trying to get her life together and right now she needs time to heal.

[See my hub "OCPD - Decision making with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). Aspergers is a Similar Condition." to read more of their story.]


TREATMENT IS AVAILABLE

Dr Sarah Edelman has many books and CDs in which she discusses ways to cope with OCPD and other anxiety disorders. One of the ways Dr Edelman helps people is by using cognitive therapy. If you'd like more information, see her book "Change Your Thinking" as well as her other products, just click on the link.

http://www.holisticpage.com.au/_Sarah_Edelman.php


OCPD Can Be Controlled if Diagnosed Early.

The unfortunate issue with diagnosing OCPD is the person with the condition thinks everything is normal. Doing things perfectly and taking hours to finish a simple task is normal; obsessing and becoming anxious to the point of annoyance is normal, and hoarding useless items is normal. Obviously, if these things are normal to them they will not seek medical help.

This is the reason many people with OCPD are either never diagnosed, or if they are diagnosed later in life, they live in denial and continue their lives believing nothing is amiss. Living for them is working hard, limited leisure time and spending time making their lives perfect. This is what impacts on their personal relationships, you have to be a very patient person to live with someone who is never happy with what they do, or what you do for that matter.

Depression and anxiety are symptoms which can be controlled by drugs if the person is willing to take them. This does help with the perfectionism traits and helps to alleviate some of the tension which may be occurring in their relationships.

If you feel something is not quite right with your relationship, or you know someone who seems to be overly obsessive, there is help available. OCPD is a controllable condition with the help of GP's, counselors and psychiatrists.

OCPD SYMPTOMS INCLUDE:

  • Obsessive about rules and doing things 'the right way'. Their way is the only way, they will not be swayed by someone giving them an alternative method.
  • Do tasks in an orderly manner, perfecting it to the point of non-completion of the actual task.
  • Inflexible ideals.
  • Dislike change.
  • Want control all the time.
  • Tend to be a loner.
  • Difficulty making decisions and won't accept suggestions from others to help with decisions.
  • Believe they are the only one who can do certain tasks, will not ask for assistance.
  • Obsessive about tidiness and cleanliness.
  • Hoarding - to the point of keeping things even after they are no longer useful.
  • Robotic tone of voice.
  • Difficulty socialising and making friends.
  • Negative thoughts all the time, rarely happy with life.
  • Workaholic (usually due to spending inordinate time completing tasks).
  • Depressed and anxious, especially when their routine is changed.
  • Never want to be out of their comfort zone.

If you feel someone you know has some of the above symptoms and they are impacting negatively on life encourage the need for assistance through a GP or a medical therapist. Note that sufferers need to have at least half of these symptoms to be considered suffering OCPD. Autism foundations may be of help with diagnosis and treatment as OCPD symptoms do cross over with Aspergers Syndrome.




This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

© 2010 Maria Giunta

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    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      4 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      OCDP SUKS, I'm sorry you had such a negative experience too. Some people with OCPD will listen if the condition is found early enough (in their teens) but many who have never been diagnosed have no idea how much they hurt the ones who love them. I hope more research is done into this mental condition that not many people understand because it does ruin relationships.

    • profile image

      OCDP SUKS 

      4 years ago

      After wasting three years of my precious life dating someone with this disorder. Knowing what I know now I would never ever date anyone with OCPD. They are very selfish and callous people who dont have a heart and dont care about anybody but theirselves. They are so determined that their way is the right way. They will discard anyone who doesn't fit into their little agenda and once they have no use for you or you don't go along with their little system, then they have no further use for you. As I said I wasted years of my life trying to be understanding and being there for this person when they had no one else who showed them any kindness only to be discarded like trash. So I warn anyone get out while you can. Its not worth it...

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Martha Smith thanks for sharing your story. OCPD is a difficult problem, I'm glad you found your way to deal with it and that my writing this article was helpful to you. Take care and enjoy your new life.

    • profile image

      martha smith 

      5 years ago

      I found this website after I asked the right question. I have been in a relationship with a man who has OCPD. I had diagnosed him myself after doing some reading. I am leaving the relationship at this end of this month. For the first time in my life, I found myself falling in love, truly in love. However, with an OCPD man, or this one anyway, he doesn't understand love, nor does he have any emotions. He told me t hat he didn't have emotions early on in our relationship but I just blew this off. Now I understand. Initially, the pain of losing him was too great to bear, but I know that I will survive. Thank you for informing all of us who live with, or have lived with someone with this disorder, great information.

    • profile image

      Mack Ethridge 

      5 years ago

      Friends, a new book that is offering genuine hope and help to the OCPD person is called 'OCPD's Only Hope of Psychological Wellness! -- The One Scientific Plan Capable of Progressively Freeing the OCPD Bound' It is available at Amazon.com Blessings to all. Sincerely, Mack

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment erorantes. It's a very complex mental disorder that requires professional assistance if it is to be managed well.

    • erorantes profile image

      Ana Maria Orantes 

      6 years ago from Miami Florida

      I like your article about obsessive compulsiven disorder. Thank you for writing a good educational hub.

    • profile image

      Kali Cox 

      7 years ago

      Yes it's early days in the decision process for me but as he does not want this it is very hard as I do not want to cause more pain for him. Finally after many years he is seeking help but the damage has been done. Sad as Marion, I have feelings for him still but they are not as they once were.

      Thank you for your response x x

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hi Kali, believe me I know how alone you are feeling, Marion is still a very close friend and we talk regularly. She has gone to see life coaches/therapists and keeps busy with work and her children. What I do know is that she is a better person within herself, and although she still has some feelings for her ex-husband, they are both better off apart. Take care of yourself first, everything else will follow.

    • profile image

      Kali Cox 

      7 years ago

      TThank you. I have no idea where to go for help. Never felt so alone

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      I'm sorry things haven't worked out in your relationship Kali. Take care of yourself and seek help whenever you need it. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

    • profile image

      Kali Cox 

      7 years ago

      I don't feel so alone now, or that my feelings-alike Marion's-are making me the worst person in the world. I too am separating from my husband. :(

      Thank you x

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      I appreciate your comment 'seeingthelight' and do hope people get help where they need it. Mental conditions are hard to deal with because they are 'unseen'. There are many taboos that surround mental illnesses, it is great to see people such as you showing the way to a better life, thank you.

    • profile image

      Seeingthelight 

      7 years ago

      Hi. Great Hub. I have been studying personality disorders for some time now due to a lifetime of relationships with disordered people and also being a recovered OCPDer myself. I realise that many will not believe this due to the "personality" aspect of this disorder, but none the less I can assure you that it is true. When I read articles etc, I recognise myself in a dim and distant past existence. I was able to find the root of mine and all those who I have known to suffer from these disorders as a morbid fear of death and an inability to control the inevitable demise of our lives. This becomes a rejected and unconscious thought which is replaced by a controlling superior personality who acquires a god complex in the belief that they will ultimately be able to reverse (somehow) their final destiny. For this reason many disordered people either reject god entirely or use him (in the same way they use people) to assist their need to control. Many serial killers are motivated by a need to have control over life and death. Fear is such an overwhelming experience and for many, they could not function at all were it not for the acquisition of a compensating personality that denies fear entirely. The personality disorder which is acquired is then dictated by childhood nurture experiences. For instances, someone with a morbid fear of death who comes from a loving home might only show a few signs of OCPD whilst someone from a dysfunctional early childhood might acquire Antsocial Personality traits. The only cure from this dominating acquired personality is a genuine faith in the resurrected Christ as this removes the morbid fear of death. This isn't a post intended to convert non believers but simply a sharing of my lifetimes observation. Unfortunately, the very controlling nature of these disorders precludes them for acknowledging a greater and more dominant force than themselves. God himself, is a gentleman who allows us free will and does not control us so the journey to enlightenment can be a long and arduous one for many. Hopefully this might help some who are trying to understand.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Dear Lucy, thank you for your very personal comment. I am not medically qualified to say whether your husband has OCPD or OCD but a lot of what you have mentioned correlates with what I know of the condition. My friend often discussed her loneliness, how she had no help with the kids and how things were always her fault. She did focus on the kids and her friends (she said we kept her sane), so you are doing the right thing for yourself. Do go and speak to someone medically qualified in anxiety disorders if you need to and I am sure you will find a way to cope.

    • profile image

      Lucy 

      7 years ago

      I am pretty sure my husband has this disorder. He has so many of the diagnostic symptoms and when I try to talk to him about his behavior he is in complete denial and suggests it is normal to do the things he does. Every day he comes home from work and has to do his 'chores' immediately and in a certain order (which he never deviates from). He will spend forever wiping down a clean kitchen, running around checking things are a certain way, etc. He cannot interact with me in any way until this is done. He is also quite critical of me and the way I do things and says I don't care about them enough. He is always pessimistic and thinks that the world is f***ed,etc. If I go out he insists on knowing where I go and making me text him when I get safely back as he has a fear of me crashing the car. This means I have become a nervous wreck when I go out and I just feel so drained by his preoccupation with me getting into danger. He also worries when I walk that a dog will attack. He says he just cares but I am utterly drained when I try and point out that these things could happen but are unlikely to. Since we have year old twins I have been utterly alone in the care of them as he cannot take time away from his work (he is a workaholic) to help me, even at the weekends. He spends so much time performing his rituals that he barely spends time with them before they go to bed. I feel like I am living a completely separate life whilst still being married to him. He will not get marriage therapy and repeatedly ignores my requests to do so, or says that it will uncover lots of things about me that I won't like to hear either. I accept that there are two sides to every story but I am so drained of his behaviour and have to put my kids first so I just focus on them and my friends. I am feeling desperate and would love some advice. If I went to a therapist he would have to know and would just suggest that I am using the time to complain about him- which I guess would be kind of true! All my family are overseas and I feel totally alone.

    • profile image

      Melody 

      8 years ago

      very interesting article.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      8 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      tsmog, thank you for your comment and your lovely fanmail, I appreciate your kindness. I do hope by writing about this little known condition that I help people to understand it and the ones who live with it.

    • tsmog profile image

      Tim Mitchell 

      8 years ago from Escondido, CA

      Great article. Fantastic Hub for the seeker of information. You tied in other sources with links, amazon, and motivational cues very well for the searcher. Distinguishing between the two is important to a therapist as well as the client/patient. Many with bipolar type I when manic find this phase can be exasperated with OCD symptoms, which can make for diagnoses of correct mental health issues a challenge. Your emphasis on "personality disorder(s)" is relevant to the seeker, since that is entirely different than a "disorder." Thank you for taking the time to write this informative article.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      8 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hi 'understanding' and thank you for your comment. I do hope I can help in some way but maybe your first course of action would be to speak to a mental health professional about your feelings regarding your parents' conditions. You are welcome to send me a message via this site and I am happy to help out further in that way if you wish.

      Also, try this site

      http://www.minddisorders.com/Ob-Ps/Obsessive-compu...

      and books that were recommended to myself and my friend -

      "Too Perfect"

      "Tightrope Walking"

      I have written other hubs on this subject and you will find these books on those hubs if you wish to check them out.

      My best wishes to you in your quest to find a better understanding of this little known condition.

    • profile image

      understanding 

      8 years ago

      I have just recently found out about this OCPD. I have been trying to make sense of my life and have been making some progress now that I recognise personality disorders in both my parents. My mother is very narcissistic an OCPD really explains my father. Since he's been dead I have been able to gain better perspective of them both. I was wondering if there was any information/books that I could utilise in my quest for greater clarity and would appreciate any information you can give me or direct me to about the suffering of offspring of such disordered pairings. My thanks in advance.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      John thank you for a very informed comment. An OCPD 'sufferer' does not suffer their condition, you are right in saying this. The people who suffer are their loved ones who have to live by the OCPD's strict rules on life. OCPD is a personality disorder which includes anxiety, anxiety does not cause the problem it just adds to the condition. OCPD and OCD are two different disorders which too many people confuse due to the name similarity, a change in name for OCPD would be beneficial, both to relieve the confusion and helping with diagnosis.

    • profile image

      john 

      9 years ago

      very interesting article in many senses. I wonder though, OCD is a disorder characterised by extreme anxiety either at unwanted obsessive thoughts or the need to carry out certain compulsive behaviour (often linked with fear of germs, dirt etc.) in an effort to counter anxiety. It is unpleasant for the sufferer who generally is desperate for relief and is fully aware that his thoughts and actions are irrational and not indicatitive of his true self. He is simply incapable of resisting them, and spends often long periods of his life wrestling with these intrusive thoughts and often pointless behaviours. OCPD on the other hand can not be anxiety driven, it is a personality (or character) disorder which means it is ego syntonic, in other words the "sufferer" is not really suffering at all as he is quite happy with being the way he is and acting the way he does. In a sense it is at the other extreme of the "neurosis" spectrum. The person with OCPD will have absolutely no problems with his behaviour, will rationalise or reject any consequences of his behaviour in some way, has absolutely no insight or self-awareness, and will rarely or never change, and like all personality disordered people will be virtually impossible to have a meaningful relationship with for any significant period. All of which begs the question, why such similar behaviour in such opposite personalities and why the poorly chose name for at least one of the disorders which can lead to so much confusion?

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Thanks for commenting oceansnsunsets and DeGreek.

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 

      9 years ago from UK

      Really interesting at the obstacles for sufferers and their loved ones

    • oceansnsunsets profile image

      Paula 

      9 years ago from The Midwest, USA

      Great hub, I learned a lot from it.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      How interesting, a compulsion to throw things out making a neat garage ... George always had a very neat garage but he NEVER threw anything out. He just kept tidying and rearranging things and sometimes buying new boxes to replace older ones. OCD, like autism, has many forms, some people present more signs than others which is why it is sometimes difficult to diagnose.

      OCPD is even harder to diagnose as the person does not believe they have a problem. Anxiety in OCPD sufferers is always there, they live their lives constantly trying to make things perfect, down to the smallest detail.

      Thanks for sharing your OCD story dawnM, the more people understand this disorder the more sufferers may seek help.

    • dawnM profile image

      Dawn Michael 

      9 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      That is very interesting, what you pointed out in the article about the difference in the personality types, I wish that the psychiatric world would come to that conclusion as well. OCD is one of those conditions that in many cases can go untreated especially if it is mild, or it can be diagnosed as something else, but with the proper medication a person who does suffer from the symptoms can get help. There are so many different ways it can affect each person differently. Both my husband and daughter have mild OCD and until we got my daughter properly diagnosed with it then he came to the realization that he had suffered from the same thing his entire life, but did not know what it was. He did not present his OCD as on may think with the washing of hands or the neatness, even though he is neat it is not compulsive, but he did have it in the sense of anxiety, and a compulsion to throw things out. Making for a very neat garage…lol

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Thanks for passing by gloriaseman and ericfrusy.

    • ericfrusy profile image

      ericfrusy 

      9 years ago from New York

      This hub is very informative! Love it! Thanks for sharing.

    • gloriaseman profile image

      gloriaseman 

      9 years ago from New York

      Forgive me but I have never heard about this disorder. Thanks for your excellent hub and the opportunity to learn something new!

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hi Lita and thanks for helping to raise awareness. Autism, Aspergers and OCPD are all inter-linked as some of the traits overlap. Personality and anxiety disorders really do affect relationships.

    • Lita C. Malicdem profile image

      Lita C. Malicdem 

      9 years ago from Philippines

      This is a new-found subject for me which I'm interested in. Sounds like many broken relationships are caused by this disorder. I'll remember the signs, might as well observe some friends who are really hard to connect due to personality disorders. Thank you.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      ladyeagle, thank you for your comment and foreignpress thank you for yours. I wish you both the best in dealing with your issues and glad this article will be of some help.

    • profile image

      foreignpress 

      9 years ago from Denver

      This is a very informative hub. I can definitely identify with it. And so can my ex-wife. Coupled with my post-traumatic stress disorder (and related anger management issues), it appears I'm in for a helluva ride.

    • ladyeagle_cdc profile image

      ladyeagle_cdc 

      9 years ago from San Juan City, Philippines

      hey! thank you so much for sharing. i have to admit i got some of the symtoms so i better watch out. TY!

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      FP so nice to see you again. We may all have one type of OCD trait, let's say its wanting things to be clean, but if it is only one trait then you don't have OCPD. OCPD/OCD is a complicated series of traits and luckily for most of us, we only have one or two. This makes us normal I guess, whatever that is. :)

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 

      9 years ago

      Very interesting. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to live with someone with full blown OCPD...and yet I'm sure many of us know people who manifest some of these symptoms now and again.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Jasper420 thank you for sharing your story of how OCD affected your relationship. So glad you were able to find a solution and I wish you all the best.

    • profile image

      jasper420 

      9 years ago

      when i was in highschool my ocd was so bad my long term boyfreind actully broke up with me over it i was so misserable since then i have sought treatment and now take meds thankyou for a well written very informative hub

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Thanks flinsura and welcome to Hubpages.

    • flinsura profile image

      flinsura 

      9 years ago

      Thank you for this hub... Thanks for the awareness.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hi lambservant, thanks for your comment. Now you'll notice it if you come across someone who has the condition, although its usually loved ones who notice it most.

      RedElf, nice to hear from you. I guess OCPD can be described as a severe from of OCD which is probably where the confusion happens. Thanks for your comment too.

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 

      9 years ago from Canada

      MPG, like lambservant, I too had no idea that OCPD existed - sorry, I had experience of it in a friend's significant other, but thought it was an extreme form of OCD. Thanks for this excellent info filled explanation of both. rated up and shared :)

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      9 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      This was very interesting. I had never heard of OCPD. I can see the difference between the two, but can understand how they would be confused also. Thank you for good information.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hi kimh039, thank you for looking at things differently. People stay together for various reasons and we all know it is not just one thing that pulls people apart. Marion tried very hard over the years to keep the peace and help George with his anxieties, all the while putting her needs last. Also, we must not forget there are two children involved as well, so they were busy bringing them up. This often keeps people together as well, whether this is right or wrong for the relationship is another matter altogether.

    • kimh039 profile image

      Kim Harris 

      9 years ago

      MPG, I took MT's comment a little differently than you did I think. I understood him to say that in order for a couple to stay together for 20 yrs, they must have been very tolerant of each other. I used to really value tolerance, patience and acceptance. But taken to extreme, tolerance enables negative behaviors to thrive and continue, while intolerance helps stop them. I just simply can't tolerate a person who is oblivious to others amd how their behavior affects others. While I believe strongly in marital commitment, I believe that a dead marriage qualifies as "til death do we part." Your friend's decision must have been very difficult for her. Awesome hub on OCD and OCPD, btw....and interesting comments too. Thanks MPG.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hi WT, nice to hear from you. I agree that marriage partners need to be tolerant but when one is more so than the other things become unbalanced. In Marion and George's case they both tried very hard for many years but unfortunately things just became too difficult.

    • World-Traveler profile image

      World-Traveler 

      9 years ago from USA

      Marriage partners with this condition must be extremely tolerant toward one another. It helps to have supporting extended families when things get tough or begin to fall apart.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      I think maybe you and Marion could have a lot to talk about. Glad to see you survived Kaie.

      Relationships are hard work even when things are 'normal' but when OCPD/OCD are involved they can become intolerable.

      Thanks for commenting and sharing your story.

    • Kaie Arwen profile image

      Kaie Arwen 

      9 years ago

      You've just described one of my ex-husbands most endearing traits; I guess that says it all. I would come home from work and he'd take my car keys away because it had been traded in........... or I'd come home and find out that 2 new windows meant the whole house............. not to mention the notes strewn all over the house and taped up when there was no more room on the counters.......... cabinets, mirrors...........

      Negative impact? Well.......... I could give you a better word, but we'll leave it at that. There is nothing positive to add! Great article! Kaie

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      My best wishes to you rudrappa. You are proof that OCD and OCPD are different. A person with OCPD would not write about his/her condition as they don't recognise they have a problem. Thank you for your comment, I hope it helps others.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Thanks for your comment Denise. Children with OCPD are usually seen as quiet and smart so diagnosis may not happen until they are adults. If the condition is treated early, especially with cognitive therapy, it can be beneficial.

    • profile image

      rudrappa agadi 

      9 years ago

      I am a sufferer of this bloody OCD for the past 20 years. It is just Hell, to live with this disease, where one has to live always in anxiety,tension. There will not be proper rational and logical thinking and howsoever, you control the mind, the moment there is an OCD attack (anxiety attack), things go hell and I am unable to realise what to do next. I am on medication since 20 years, but life with such psychiatry medicines is Hell and have to bear the side effects of medicine too. I do get suicidal thoughts and sometimes fear that I may get mad.Many of my ambitions in this life are ruined by this bloody devastating disease. So I started reading about RE-birth since I want one more Human birth and have now after reading many books on 'reincarnation' subject, I have come to the conclusion that, merciful God may grant one more life, or even as per HIndu Philosophy, until the desires in the Soul are fulfilled, man keeps visiting to this Physical earth plane and Moksha is a state, where there will be 'desireless stage", which, I think, one who has enjoyed and soulfully satisfied, may get such stage. Cognitive Behaviour Therephy is better to some extent to control this disorder and whatever may be, One has to SILENTLY SUFFER from this devastating disorder, where some parts of the Brain will not work with co-ordination, there will be shortage of brain chemical Serotonin. It is better to surrender to God and Higher Spiritual Living has to be clubbed with Serotonin to bring it to some control rather than getting more athiest and cursing God, we have to fight with the disease and live treating it as my KARMA. - R.M. AGADI.

      rudrappaagadi@gmail.com

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 

      9 years ago from North Carolina

      well written accurate information about a very sad disorder. I used to date a guy with OCD Enough to drive both of us crazy. It is especially sad to see young children with this disorder. Thanks for sharing.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      You make an interesting point Ross. As everyone is different I am sure some people with OCPD know they are perfectionists and realise how they do things can annoy others, the thing is, they are unwilling to change. This is where the frustration sets in in relationships. Thanks for a great comment.

    • ross670daw profile image

      ross670daw 

      9 years ago

      Before reading this wonderful hub, I suspected my partner as having some form of OCD,which I now believe she does, but as I read through, some OCPD indications seem to represent my own behaviour in some ways, I like to be neat, I'm stubborn, impatient with others at times and have been referred to as a perfectionist. But, if that really was the case, I wouldn't recognize it, would I?

      Thanks for your very informative hub.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      You are right susannah42, the families of sufferers do suffer as they cannot do anything to please them. Thanks for your comment, nice to hear from you.

    • susannah42 profile image

      susannah42 

      9 years ago from Florida

      Very interesting hub. More people suffer from OCPD that we know. Their families suffer with this as well, and they never get help.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Authorfriendly, thanks for reading this hub on OCPD/OCD. Living with someone who has OCPD is very different to living with someone with OCD. A person suffereing OCPD has no interest in hearing your side of the story or how you do things, THEIR WAY IS THE ONLY WAY. They have no idea their obsessions are causing problems or impacting on their lives in a negative way.

      On the other hand, a person with OCD will listen to reason and understands their obsessions are causing issues in the relationship.

    • authorfriendly profile image

      authorfriendly 

      9 years ago from Charleston, SC

      OCPD can be tough, one of the mottos for a self help group I used to refer my patents with OCD to, was "every member counts." For a light-hearted mystery series where the psychologist is OCD, see NYT best seller Charlotte Hughes' Kate Holly series

      ( www.readcharlottehughes.com ). BTW she recently signed up at hubpages and while she has not written anything there yet, Charlotte has begun to participate: https://hubpages.com/@charlottehughes

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hi Neil, thanks for the support. OCPD can be quite a challenge when it comes to relationships.

      Thanks for everyone's great comments and helping me to raise awareness of OCPD and autistic conditions.

    • Neil Sperling profile image

      Neil Sperling 

      9 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

      Very informative and helpful - I never knew about OCPD ... OCD was enough for me to grab LOL.

      Thanks - I'll be back - bookmarked and voted up.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Ok, thanks for your comment chris.

    • profile image

      Chris 

      9 years ago

      I can believe it all.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hi katiem2, hope your friend does get help. People with the condition (OCPD) have no idea how much it impacts on their relationships. It takes a very patient person to live with someone who has so many obsessions.

      Schoolgirlforreal - relationships are difficult when two people think in similar ways, relationships with OCPDers can be harrowing if you are not a very understanding person.

      Thank you both for commenting and spreading the word about OCPD and autism in general.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hi Lisa, thanks for your comment. Being a 'neatnik' doesn't mean you have a disorder. A combination of the traits (minimum of 6 or 8) means you should seek help. Mind you, if the person doesn't feel they have a problem then they won't go looking for help. It is usually a concerned parent or significant other who takes them for help.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile image

      schoolgirlforreal 

      9 years ago

      Well done! Very interesting and well explained. I enjoyed reading it, and it's very insightful about people, relationships, etcetera. It's hard to understand sometimes or diagnose when people don't want to be. I know someone with a few of those symptoms but not all and I can't figure out what they have, but at least I understand better than I did though I know I don't want a marriage w/ them or longterm...too many differences.

    • katiem2 profile image

      Katie McMurray 

      9 years ago from Westerville

      Thank you for clearing that up for me. I appreciate undestanding the difference between OCD and OCPD. I know someone, in my life, like this. I had wondered if they suffered some other form of disorder but this really paints a clear picture of them. We've talked about it and I've suggested they get help and try medication but they were unwilling to consider it! Thanks again for your great and detailed facts on OCD and OCPD.

    • Lisa HW profile image

      Lisa HW 

      9 years ago from Massachusetts

      MPG, I appreciate that this Hub offers the information it does about both OCD and OCPD. As someone who happens to have written a "perfectly innocent" Hub about being a neatnik and not having any disorders, I've become painfully aware of the apparent degree of ignorance that is out there when it comes to what constitutes either OCD or OCPD (and what doesn't!). I'm going now to make sure there's a link from my Hub (which shall remained unnamed so you know I'm not just "pushing Hubs") to this one.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Diagnosis of OCPD is difficult as many GPs are not familiar with the condition. Glad to hear you've learnt something from reading, thanks embee.

    • embee77 profile image

      embee77 

      9 years ago

      This is eye-opening, MPG. It's a condition I hadn't heard of. This fills in a piece of the "personality" puzzle I hadn't understood. I will be on the lookout for it and share your knowledge with others in the field. Thank you.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Oh that would drive you crazy bayoulady. It is a very mild case if this was the only quirk, thanks for sharing your story.

    • bayoulady profile image

      bayoulady 

      9 years ago from Northern Louisiana,USA

      My ex stirred. Stirred. Stirred. With a sppon, a straw, a fork. for example, if he had a coke in a glass, he would stir continuously between sips. Coffee the same way. On his dinner plate as well. Drove me bonkers.Mild case of it, I bet ya!

    • ellacor profile image

      ellacor 

      9 years ago

      Great hub.

    • cwarden profile image

      cwarden 

      9 years ago from USA

      Thanks for this hub. I have a family member who suffers from OCD and this information is enlightening.

    • parkersarah8415 profile image

      parkersarah8415 

      9 years ago from USA

      This is new for me too, very useful.

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hi prasetio, OCPD is a psychological disorder, it relates to the person's personality. Their mind makes them obsessive about little things so much that they don't complete the big stuff. Nice to hear from you again, hope you are well. :)

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 

      9 years ago from malang-indonesia

      I have admit to you that I never know heard about this before. I thought it related with psychological effects. I learn much from you. I'll bookmark this information. I'll found out more about OCPD. Thanks for share with us.

      Blessing,

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Nice to meet you Dj and thanks for your comment. I do hope people learn to understand that OCPD is different to OCD and that OCPDers act in the way they do because of their condition. It really is a little known condition although some of the traits are similar to Aspergers Syndrome.

    • DjBryle profile image

      DjBryle 

      9 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =)

      This hub is very informative and at the same time helpful in finding ways to understand better why people with OCPD act and behave the way they do. Thanks for sharing! =)

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      2besure - cleaning is one of the main obsessions these people suffer. They either clean to the extreme, like using toothpicks to clean inside cracks, or they hoard so much stuff that all they do is move it around a room 'tidying' things up. They never throw anything out. It is a sad way to live in my opinion.

      HPW - thank you for commenting. 'power on certain things' is an interesting term, they certainly want power over things that's for sure. I know of someone with OCPD who has to have every cent spent accounted for, so receipts must be kept for everything the family buys, I guess that's wanting power over money???

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Welcome Sage and thanks for commenting. There certainly is a difference, if anyone speaks to Marion about OCD she quickly corrects them by saying that is NOT what George suffers from.

    • profile image

      hubpageswriter 

      9 years ago

      A very useful hub on OCPD. I've seen a couple of those symptoms on others but I think they are normally using it to execute power on certain things. I will need to read more on this. Thanks for this hub.

    • 2besure profile image

      Pamela Lipscomb 

      9 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      I have a friend with this disorder. All she did was clean. It is a difficult thing to live with.

    • Sage Williams profile image

      Sage Williams 

      9 years ago

      Mpg - You did a great job on this hub. I never realized there was a difference. I always thought it was one in the same. Thanks for clarifying.

      I have known a few people with OCD as they were aware of their condition.

      Sage

    • MPG Narratives profile imageAUTHOR

      Maria Giunta 

      9 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Firstly thank you all so much for your great comments. Marion is doing OK and George ... well he's trying to come to terms with things, he really has no idea poor thing.

      MA - yes there is a difference between these two mental illnesses.

      Lisa - thanks, hope it helps.

      MT - so nice to meet you and hope to hear/speak more. Your site is interesting too.

      ak - Audrey you don't have a split personality do you??? Yes it is a problem, especially for those who remain undiagnosed, they can really cause pain for their loved ones (if they have any).

      Jb - how's it going? Yes Marion did do most of the 'loving' but she knows George loves her in his own special way.

      SP - Never say never, they may be able to patch up the marriage Shirely, only time will tell.

    • profile image

      Shirley Pisa 

      9 years ago

      I feel sorry for the couple. I hope time will come when they could still patch up things.

      Have a nice day :)

    • profile image

      jab1310 

      9 years ago

      How sad for Marion and George - from your earlier hub on them I thought they were coping OK but sounds like Marion was the only one working on the marriage and she needed more. Very sad - at least Marion has her friends to help her.

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 

      9 years ago from Washington

      I have a friend with this (and no, it's not my other personality....ha ha) - it really is a devastating problem and he had to go on medication to save his marriage. Happily though, it worked. Really great information - rated up!

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      9 years ago from Minnesota

      Excellent job on this diagnosis. I am in the mental health field and do see how often OCD and OCPD is often confused or misdiagnosed. I have OCD but it is under control with medication. It sounds like your friend tried her best to keep the marriage but sometimes you have to move on, especially in a case where the person with OCPD doesn't realize they have a problem. When any of us have a diagnosis, it is our responsibility to take care of it and not put loved ones through undo pain. You did a beautiful job on this hub. UP and USEFUL

    • profile image

      lisa.bom 

      9 years ago

      WOW! very informative.

    • profile image

      lisa.bom 

      9 years ago

      WOW! very informative.

    • Mentalist acer profile image

      Mentalist acer 

      9 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

      Interesting,I didn't know OCPD,as I knew a little about OCD,thanks for the story MPG Narratives;)

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