ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Once You Hit The Big 5-0 You Have Earned Those Jowls And Arm Flaps ~ Now Have Some Fun With Them

Updated on June 19, 2013
This is a jowl-y fella, and he doesn't seem to mind it one bit.
This is a jowl-y fella, and he doesn't seem to mind it one bit. | Source

An Exercise To Help Remove Jowls And Improve The Appearance Of A Double Chin

Jowls And Arm Flaps Are Nothing To Get Upset About

Most of us when we reach a certain age, OK, for most of us that is over age 50, we begin to notice the toll that a sneaky little thing called gravity is taking upon our bodies. Everything begins to head south as far as our skin goes, and we don't always think it's a pretty sight.

If you've ever noticed a person who has jowls, it looks as if they have slowly turned into a squirrel with extra pouches on the sides of their mouth to hold those extra nuts... or whatever it is that squirrels like to stash in those pouches.

On people, however, it is NOT usually considered to be a great look. I think the formation of jowls is one of the main complaints heard by plastic surgeons when patients come looking for a surgical answer to erase years from their face. They want them GONE... lifted up, "whatever it takes, Doc".

If you watch this video, it looks as if there is a way to help tighten those jowls through doing these facial exercises. Just try watching this thing, I dare ya... pretty soon you'll be making faces just like I was. No kidding! It can't be this easy to get rid of jowls, now can it?

Well, since that didn't work for me, I'm here to say that jowls aren't such a bad thing and that they have gotten a bad rap. I mean, now that we are in our 50's, I say we've earned those jowls. The same with laugh lines, expression lines and all the rest of those bothersome facial features that give men "character" and make women look like "hags". OK, so that's not totally fair, but it seems to be the perception of society.

If you're not sure whether or not you are getting jowls, I have a simple test for you to try. When you look in the mirror and form the word "OH"... you'll notice that the skin on the sides of your mouth is nice and tight, they way you think it should be. Change that OH to an ooooooooh (rhymes with ewwww), and you will see your mouth pucker up and ... uh oh.. can it be... ewwww, I think I'm developing the beginning of jowls.

Instead of panicking at this new development, I've decided to try a different approach. I'm going to have some FUN with my soon to be brand new jowls. I'm gonna use them, as soon as they finish appearing. When that Smart Aleck behind me says something I don't like, I'll just turn around real quick and BAM... smacked by a wayward jowl! These things are potential weapons, I tell ya!

Soon, I'll be able to hang my head out the car window just like Hooch the dog in the 1989 comedy movie "Turner And Hooch." Hooch is a French Mastiff, a dog breed well-known for their prominent jowls and drooling. Remember that movie with Tom Hanks?

I'll be able to let those jowls fly in the wind, feel that wind blowin' in my cheeks, puffing them up like sails on a sailboat. OK, so that's not such a pretty picture, but it would be fun to do that. I mean, dogs always look like they're having fun with their heads hangin' out of car windows.

Maybe I'll start a brand new trend, pierced jowls... again that's not a pretty picture. But I wonder if I could make a fortune by inventing and selling jowl rings? Can't be much worse than piercings on other unusual parts of the body, now can it?

Something Useful To Do With Arm Flaps?

Might as well get a tattoo to go with my new jowl piercings, right?
Might as well get a tattoo to go with my new jowl piercings, right? | Source

HEY~ I Think My Arm Muscles Turned "Upside Down!" That Must Be It!

Now if I move my gaze on downward, the direction that everything else on my body is slowly but surely beginning to move these days, I noticed something strangely new on my upper arms now. I used to have ... well kind of had... well, OK, not really... but I thought my arms used to be straight when I held them in a football goalpost position. Now when I look in the mirror... I see something strange hanging down. These things also "flap" when I move my arms. Could it be? Am I REALLY getting "Granny arms?"

Holy crap! I think I am! Look in the mirror and hold your arms in the position of football goalposts, see those "flaps" there? Yup, those are "granny arms" or "Hi Janes" or... I forget the other cute little names for them. Forgetfulness... another sign.... of something... I forget what. Sigh...

They're not so cute any more when they begin to show up on you! Those are supposed to be on someone MUCH older aren't they?? So, how else do you know you're getting granny arm flaps? What are some of the other little sneaky telltale signs?

When you're flying on a plane and the pilot talks about "flaps" being ready for landing and you take it personally... you realize that you just might have arm flaps!

When the little kid nudges his Mom and blurts out "LOOK Mommy, that lady over there must be an angel, she has wings, but now they're kinda turned upside down!" .... you might have arm flaps.

Just look at it this way, if you are at a show and you don't feel like clapping, just move your arms up and down a little and everyone around you will think you're clapping... then you'll know for sure that you have grown yourself a pair of arm flaps!

See? These things really can be useful for something and aren't really anything to worry about. At least my delusional self is trying to convince myself of that. Now, if I am at the airport hoping to board a plane and they try to charge me for "extra bags" because of these new jowls or arm flaps... then I will be worried! I mean, after all, I didn't ask for these things, they just happened.

I'll politely look at the 20-something little cutie-pie with her skin still in all the right places behind that luggage counter and tell her "just wait, sweetie pie, your turns a' comin!" OK, I probably won't do that, but I'll be thinking it if she does try to charge me for those "extra bags!"

I mean, after all, those extra luggage fees can really add up. Maybe a little plastic surgery would be cheaper? Nah, I think I'll just accept that these new things give me "character."

And oh, what a CHARACTER I plan to be... one day... someday... when I get old.... stay tuned!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      I'm not sure, but there may actually be things that can be done to improve the look of these, either medically (surgery most likely) or to tone this part of the arms with exercise. :) I would ask a physician to find out. Best of luck to you!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Wrong answer. I've never been overweight and now I have those wrinkled flaps under my arm. People think I look like I'm 29, but they never see my arms or belly, both of which clearly look like I'm old. I'm 46.

      I'm about to start dating for the first time in 20 years. When/If we marry, I do NOT want to look like an old woman when I get undressed. There MUST be an answer besides 'accept it.'

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      I had that same problem, NatNatNC... I told our boys by the time they graduated from College I would have a full granny beard... they were not amused! (Wink!) Thanks so much for your great comment! :) I appreciate that!

    • NatNatNC profile image


      7 years ago from North Carolina

      So funny Kathy, I'm almost 40 and keep finding these random hairs in places they don't belong and I said to myself the other day, I had tweezers just to pluck my eyebrows and now I'm using it pull out grey hair. But HEY, age like fine wine!!

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      Oh c'mon, Wayne, cave drawings, really? Back when mine were taken they were still just etchings! Ha!! Thanks for the laugh! :)

      I found someone on Facebook after over 30 years of not seeing him and he is GRAY now and looked totally different than the way I remembered, so I know exactly where you're coming from! Thanks so much for reading and for your great comment! :)

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 

      7 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Very funny! I think Facebook really opened my eyes as to how much we change over the years. I found countless people that I had not seen in thirty years our more, and when looking at some of their current pictures, I could not recognize them. I look at some of my old pictures (cave drawings) and I don't even recognize myself.

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      I wish 50 was too young for it, but it happens slowly... when you are least expecting it... so slowly you hardly notice until you put your arms up and move them and you SEE it in the mirror for yourself! Thanks for the giggles, sunshine! :) You're a VERY young almost 50 for sure! ;) You and Johnny... arrrrggghhhh! Ah, the pirate's life is for me! ;)

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 

      7 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I love that scene in Turner and Hooch! That's a great movie. But, I have to tell you as I was reading your hub age 50 is much too young for the gravity attack. I think that might qualify for age 80 and over. OK, maybe 75. Johnny Depp and I will be the Big 5-0 in June...enough said! :))

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      We really have earned those wings, sweethearts2! ;) Thanks so much for your comment and for the great votes as well!

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      That's so true, Joanne! LOL! I love being able to speak my mind now... now if I can just get someone besides the CATS to listen! :) So funny, thanks so much for reading and commenting!

    • sweethearts2 profile image


      7 years ago from Northwest Indiana

      Your hub gave me something to smile about when I look in the mirror and recall your advise and how it relates to me and my well earned wings. Voted up and funny

    • profile image

      Joanne M Olivieri 

      7 years ago

      Wave your arms and they'll think you are clapping - hysterical yet so true. I can unfortunately relate to all of this. I always tell everyone I don't need a face lift but a full body lift. The only positive I've seen in hitting the half century mark is that you can speak your mind and be completely blunt and everyone thinks your wise :)

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      Glad you enjoyed this, tillsontitan! :) Thanks so much for reading, and thanks to HawaiiO for sharing!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 

      7 years ago from New York

      ...And I'd like to thank HawaiiO for sharing so I could get to read this great hub! You've nailed it Kathy, I know, I'm was very polite of you not to mention the other body part(s) effected by least we have something to hold them up with.

      Voted up, very funny and interesting.

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      Wow, Hawaiian, I don't think I've ever had anything I've written media-rized before! I feel honored! :) Thanks so much. I always appreciate you stopping by and your terrific sense of humor! :)

    • hawaiianodysseus profile image

      Hawaiian Odysseus 

      7 years ago from Southeast Washington state

      Haha! Oh, Kathy, what a unique and amusing spin on the extra things we "sixties children" are accumulating. Seems to me the term Baby Boomers takes on new meaning with our new perks. I enjoy your hubs so much because you don't mind poking fun at what we're "evolving" into! Voted up and across, sharing, and socially media-rized!

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      Thanks so much, Kathryn! So glad you got some laughs from this! Thanks so much for your great comment! : )

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image


      7 years ago from Windsor, Connecticut

      That made me laugh! I love it when people have fun with life.

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      Thanks so much, Beckie! :) I always appreciate you visiting and especially sharing! Thanks so much! :)

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 

      7 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Kathy - There are no words to accurately describe how hard I laughed while reading this! You, my friend have a great sense of humor. I so enjoy your wit, hilarious sarcasm and humor in the face of an ever aging body!

      I often tell my little nieces and nephews that they aren't jowls, I am studying for my roll as a marionette! I do, however, love my laugh lines!

      Voting up and sharing

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      Thanks so much, Bonsie007! I like that, granny feats! :) That's a good way to describe it. Thanks so much for commenting, I appreciate that! Glad you enjoyed this! :)

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      You're welcome, catgypsy! I've done the same thing! That mirror used to be more of a friend than it is these days! Thanks for visiting. :)

    • Bonsie007 profile image


      7 years ago

      Yep, I've definitely got the granny arms! And yes, they do flap in the wind. I know because I've tried. It really works! Just consider one of our many granny feats! Love your hub!

    • catgypsy profile image


      7 years ago from the South

      Oh, Kathy, you had me laughing so hard! Thanks, I needed that! I am desperately trying to "grow old gracefully" and do a pretty good job most days, but then there's those moments when I look in the mirror and think...what happened to my face?! Great hub!

    • KathyH profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      Thanks so much, Faith! I'm so glad to find someone who understands! :) You're right, it is so much better to just stay graceful and have young hearts. Thanks so much for commenting, I always appreciate it! :)

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      7 years ago from southern USA

      LOL Kathy, this is a really funny and creative read here! Yes, I say let's all just grow old gracefully and with our hearts loving as a child, then we are sure to feel a young as ever!

      Rally love the cartoon images and that useless (in your words) video! LOL

      Yes, the Big 5-0, been there done that.

      Voted up ++ and sharing and linking

      God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)