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Paranoia Will Destroyia - Are You Paranoid?

Updated on April 24, 2012

Are you living in a fishbowl?

Source

Are they coming to get you?

Source

"Hieroglyphics of her eyes
Blink upon a paradise
Paralyzed and paranoid."

Gwendolyn Brooks

Somebody's Watching!

Are you paranoid?

Note: This hub was written in response to an email I received about another hub. It was disturbing and I felt that I was wrongly accused of many things. This hub is making fun of a situation that seems to happen to a lot of people that decide to write on any public forum. Sometimes people perceive that you have offended them - when no offense was really intended.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

+Stan recently started working at a new office. During his training he suspects his trainer is demeaning and critical of him. Stan thinks that his trainer is always making gestures or talking behind his back. Further, Stan thinks he knows more than his co-worker and that he is jealous of his superior knowledge. When Stan's trainer takes a break with his other co-workers, Stan is sure they are talking and laughing about him.

Have you ever worked with Stan? I have. Stan is the one who is a little cold and aloof. He always takes things personally and perceives that you have slighted him or insulted him intentionally. If Stan is a family member or friend - he will constantly test your loyalty. He is hyper alert, always on guard and mistrustful. Stan will expect trickery and will quickly become argumentative and defensive. Stan generally will see the world as a threatening place.

What is PPD?

Paranoia is the intense suspicion of others and their motives. It is unfounded and can be slowly progressive. Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) is a psychosis that includes elements of persecution and grandeur. In its milder form there are no delusions or hallucinations. Those suffering from PPD have an intense fear and are so anxiety ridden in social envinronments, they think that everyone is out to get them. They think that others are taunting or threatening them and they might react to those unfounded thoughts with angry outbursts. The slightest hint or evidence that they have been slighted can lead to a situation that is blown out of proportion.

A certain degree of suspicion or insecurity may be normal in a new environment. Paranoia becomes a problem when the affected person can not abandon those feelings. As a normal person learns to trust new people - those insecurities should dissipate.

PPD limits the social lives of those affected because they are not able to work well with others or trust others. They might have difficulty keeping a job. The cause of PPD is unknown though there is a higher occurrence of it in families that have psychotic disorders or schizophrenia in their history. Abuse of drugs such as PCP, LSD, Marijuana, Cocaine, amphetamines or stimulants with psychedelic compounds may induce or compound paranoia.

People that suffer with this disorder may function competently in society but they will often be emotionally distant from others. They avoid intimacy and may be argumentative and uncompromising though they see themselves as rational and objective. They are reluctant to confide in others and could be preoccupied with doubts about the people around them. The disorder may present elements of psychopathic jealousy.

How is it treated?

PPD is diagnosed by a psychological evaluation including the patient's medical history. Treatment depends on the severity of symptoms and may include antipsychotics and/or psychotherapy. This disorder is rarely treated by clinicians because these people do not seek treatment. They may also be mistrustful of the doctors that are treating them.

It doesn't matter if you live in Seattle or Phoenix - there is treatment available! With proper care and management those that suffer with this disorder can have hope for a healthier life. Without treatment symptoms can progress and this type of disorder can destroy your ability to form close or lasting attachments to other people.


Who is she looking at?
Who is she looking at? | Source

But....what if people are watching you?

In my research, I discovered a lot of information with regard to PPD. However, what if people ARE watching you? What if the Men In Black are following you? At the epicenter of every tantalizing conspiracy theory there is always suspicion of paranoia. I am sure it would be quite easy to convince someone that they are "just paranoid" when they are being persecuted.

If you have PPD - you might even think that I am persecuting you or that I am watching you. Don't worry - I'm not, I'm a narcissist with histronic tendencies and I am only watching me because after all - it is all about me and I want you to follow me!

Take the quiz and find out what personality disorder you have!

+If your name is Stan and you think I am talking about you - don't be paranoid! I just made that name up.

How to Make People Paranoid Just for Fun!

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  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    LOL PDX - now I guess you cold call that semi casual dining! hahahaha!

  • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

    Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

    today, i made a really fancy dinner of shrimp and pad thai... set candles...glass of wine, etc... ate dinner with my pants on the ground ;-)

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Lol lol PDX - now isn't it funny how girls can look great in guy clothes...I mean like I love to throw on my husbands big flannels and wear them for night shirts. They are XLT's - they go to my knees! Lol. But a guy - would probably look silky trying to wear his wife's flannel to bed:) haha!

  • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

    Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

    kelly, i think she'd think I look good in anything i wear. She won't stop looking at me. it's embarrassing!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Well that sounds very sophisticated! Maybe wifey needs to get you a smoking jacket! Lmao! Let me know if she thinks you'd look good in one:) hahahaha

  • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

    Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

    it's not hard. I walk in the door and my pants are on the ground. I often sit on my porch and smoke my pipe wearing only boxer shorts.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    PDX - HAHAHAHA! Someone is trying to catch you with your pants down!

    Pants on the ground...pants on the ground:) lol

  • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

    Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

    i knew it. it's because of my affinity for not wearing pants. blast!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Well it isn't me but I dk have someone spying on you! Ah hahahaha lol.

  • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

    Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

    kelly... what the hell? did you write this about me? are you watching me?

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Tammy! I figured almost everyone has experienced this type of person! I don't think anyone would want to watch what I am up too either! lol

    Thanks so much!

  • tammyswallow profile image

    Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

    This is an adorable hub. I know so many people who are paranoid like this. My motto is, if secret agents or big brother want to watch me, they are going to bored. LOL. Great job!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Homestead - Thank you so much! For the comment and letting me know I have a broken link! lol I added a new one - so now you CAN see how suspicious you are:) LOL

  • homesteadbound profile image

    Cindy Murdoch 5 years ago from Texas

    Oh my goodness! This was a great hub! The video was priceless. Did not find the quiz that you spoke of ... but maybe I'm just being paranoid that you didn't want ME to take it...

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Kim! Well thank you for enjoying and leaving your comments!

  • kimh039 profile image

    Kim Harris 6 years ago

    fun hub and lively comments:) Thanks realhousewife.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    MO - it's like $20,000 a year! Dave was like - really? Again? When I worked in Sleep Med - I had 18 mo the of studying/classes/seminars/training/traveling - I don't think he has forgotten how hard it was for everyone yet! Lol of course, the girls were babies then....I'm not sure these adolescent years would be easier if I was absent or studying a lot! Lol

  • profile image

    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    LOL, Real - journalism school still might be a great idea! Imagine what you would learn! :-)

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Lorlie - yes he said he was like 2 mos. Behind on hub - so I think he will get around here eventually. Yeah you really are NOT too old to go back to school - I took class by class while raising my Laurel and it took forever - finally in my 30's I got my degree! LOL ihave taken classes several times since and usually there are more people our age in school! I've read your stuff too Lorlie - I don't got nothing on you:)!

    MO - you're so right! I thought about going to journalism school - then I found hub and it's free;) LOL

  • profile image

    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    lorlie - you are NEVER to old to do what you want! You want school?? Get it girl! :-)

  • lorlie6 profile image

    Laurel Rogers 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

    Hi Sweets, yep, he's into that school thang. I would be if I were young enough...Anyhoo, you've got it all, girl, go for it all!!!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Lorlie! Yep I think Stan is late to the party:). I think he's been busy with school - oops or else he didn't like it? IDK - he's a good guy:). I think he loves it! Haha!

    Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

  • lorlie6 profile image

    Laurel Rogers 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

    I wonder why no one named 'Stan' happened by to comment on this piece. Hmmm. He's probably hiding. I would be. You are one helluva writer, gal-thanks for telling it like it is.

    I need to go hide with Stan.

    See ya!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Well said WE! Thank you so much. I would much rather hub with people who just want to learn new things, help each other be better writers - it's supposed to be fun. Most of the time it really is too:) I am following you so I count myself as a wise one!

  • profile image

    Website Examiner 6 years ago

    Thanks for pointing me to this hub and for linking to mine. You have a well-written and well-considered piece here. "Bottomless pit" is the first thing that comes to mind: Some people, it seems, pursue happiness and prosperity, whereas others seem to feast on misery and problems. I go my own way, and tend to find pleasant company with those wise or foolish enough to follow. Best wishes, W.E.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Tina - thanks! Pretty fun one to write. I like to mix serious with ridiculous!

  • Granny's House profile image

    Granny's House 6 years ago from Older and Hopefully Wiser Time

    LOl, very funny. Great hub.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Sharyn - I was thinking about googling it but I'm not. I'm going to be more excited to read your hub! I can't imagine what you are going to write about but it sounds like a good one!

  • Sharyn's Slant profile image

    Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

    I'll think about writing the BABUSHKA NIGHT hub (I spelled it wrong earlier-ooops). Stay curious for a while Kel :)

    I've seen much more racier Mo . . .

    You know, I have met the NUTTIEST people here on HP and I love it! I'm just sayin . . .

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Mo - hahahaha! Duct tape instead of electrical! LOL

    I highly doubt that's too racy for hub! Ha!

  • profile image

    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    Sharyn, my husband would love you if it takes duct tape! Oops, is that too racy for HP? HAHAHAHAHA - BBG, your kids are the worst, following and plotting!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Sharyn - I've never hear of Babooshka night! What is that? You need to write a hub about that! I know the comments have a life of their own - I'm just listening to everyone and LMAO!

    Babooshka ??? You have me so curious!

    The tin foil hat - everyone should make one - we decided it works to keep other people from like stealing your thoughts! Lol

    Stu - I know - how funny is that - she thinks her baby is following her, watching and copying her!

  • profile image

    Stu From VT 6 years ago

    BBG,

    That story about you and your baby is hilarious. It would make good material for Rod Serling - "submitted for your approval, your next stop, the Twighlight Zone..." - HAHAHHAAHHA

  • Sharyn's Slant profile image

    Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

    Dear Stu,

    I just can't afford that at this time! I wonder if I could get half a body guard? A midget perhaps? He could protect me from the waist down!

    Dear Mo,

    I do believe I've been in Walmart bra-less. Not a good thing. It was difficult to cross my arms in front of my chest and hold the cart at the same time. And no electrical tape, would have to be larger like duct tape :)

    Dear BBG,

    I'm lost with the foil hat thing but I will say that I bet it looks really purrrrrrty with your dark hair!

    Dear Kel,

    How many comments are on this damn hub???

    By the way, I love the title of this one~clever!

    So, I was thinking, I've got to write a hub about "BABOOSHKA NIGHT." My sisters and other female relatives and friends have been doing "babooshka night" for over 20 years now (at Christmas time). I'm sure we've been caught on security cameras! Anyone else experience babooshka night? ha

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Is it a little boy thing? My nephew was fascinating aged by eggs. At Max's age - my sister had to put a lock on the fridge because he would sneak over and just drop them and watch them crack on the floor. He figured out how to open the fridge lock in like 3 minutes flat. Finally he found something else to focus on.

    People are watching and following you for sure! Do t doubt yourself!

  • barbergirl28 profile image

    Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

    Real, you crack me up. I took off the foil hat today (it was just to hot) My baby still copies me - but this time he added throwing food and making me do pat a cake! It is enough to make a person go crazy - which goes hand in hand with paranoia cause I am almost positive someone is watching me.

    Now - with that in mind - with this many comments - does it make you paranoid that so many people are following you! LOL Sorry - couldn't resist!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    I like to wear my fancy animal print peel off pants to Walmarts:). With big white framed sunglasses while I smack my bubble gum. I accessorize with gaudy jewelry and a loud scarf that clashes.

    Also - you guys just made me think - wouldn't it be hilarious to fill your cart with only the most embarrassing products just to see how many people will look while pretending not to look? Omg! That would be fun!

  • profile image

    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    Sharyn, bras are a must at Target, Wal-Mart, not so much. Fancy pants are a must too, because if you go and DON'T get videotaped, then you'll just fall into deep depression. Of course, if you feel like being REALLY different, you could go with just electrical tape on your nips in an X shape and see how that goes.

  • profile image

    Stu From VT 6 years ago

    Hi Sharyn,

    Yes, I am following close behind. My body guard rate is $75 per hour (I accept PayPal).

    Stu

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Stu - Are you kidding me? He would!

    Sharyn - don't tell it to anyone else! It's a secret!

  • Sharyn's Slant profile image

    Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

    Oh Kel, thank God I got the password. Phew!

    Stu, are you following me?

    How much does it cost to hire a body guard?

  • profile image

    Stu From VT 6 years ago

    RH - No. That's actually a translation of an original Obama quote that went "Possession is 13/10ths of the law." He coined that phrase on his tour of our 57 states.

    Sharyn - PLEASE tell me you're kidding.

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Sharyn! LOL! Now you're going to have me thinking about what to wear when I go to Target! Omg! No more sweat suit shopping for me!

    Watch out - they really are watching! So the password is finggijfdfjidjf when you're asked!

    Thanks so much Sharyn - once again you dazzle me with your creative mind!

  • Sharyn's Slant profile image

    Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

    I need to go to Walmart or Target and I'm afraid to do so. And I've been obsessed for hours now because I'm not sure what clothes to wear if I do go? I'm paranoid that if I wear my fancy pants, I'll be videotaped. Should I wear my hair up or down? Flips or tennis shoes? Bra?

    Crap, I think I'll hold off until someone else in the house realizes that we REALLY need toothpaste and toilet paper and that the cat's are peeing in boxes with no litter. I think I'm just going to close all the windows and doors and drapes and pray no one calls or rings the door bell. Uh, you can't see me, can you?

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Stu - lol! Possession is 9/10ths of the law - did you copywrite that thought?

    Hahaha!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    BBG - LOL - ROLF - LMAO! Omg! You could make a hilarious hub -

    "I may be paranoid but I think this baby is copying me!" then list all that he copies:) lol - geeze!

    You are too too too hilarious!

  • profile image

    Stu From VT 6 years ago

    BBG,

    All babies do that.

    Now toss the tin foil hat. You're making me paranoid.

    HAHAHAHAHA

    Stu

  • barbergirl28 profile image

    Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

    RH - that is the true reason people are looking at me weird. After all, I have been wearing the tin foil hats we made since this hub comes out. I don't mind sharing... but being completely taken over... lol... now that I am scared of. And I am pretty sure they are out to get me... especially the 18 month old... he keeps copying everything I do... BABIES ;)

  • profile image

    Stu From VT 6 years ago

    RH,

    Now I've got a crisis. That thought you stole. The other one just died of loneliness. That's 2nd degree murder by depraved indifference (20 to life).

    Stu

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Temirah - thank you very much! I try really hard to present the real info - and stick to factual research, but then add my 2 cents:)! I am really interested in human behavior so the topics are things I want to know more about too. And that's what I'm talking about - sometimes people are watching and waiting to get you! Lol (not me tho....)!

    Stu - I know - psych isn't a field that will stop changing. It obviously has to change with the times and everything that is learned along the way. I took a lot of psych/sociology classes back in college but I have long since forgotten a lot - like Jean Piaget - Darwin, Freud - Pavlov - I can't remember much about any of what I learned!

  • profile image

    Stu From VT 6 years ago

    Hi RH,

    You're in for a very long research project. I've studied psychology for over ten years, and have read extensively from the original works of Freud, Jung, etc.

    It might be interesting to do a Hub on this, explaining why psychoneurosis occurs and the manner in which it impacts different personality styles.

    Stu

  • Temirah profile image

    Temirah 6 years ago

    This is a great hub - a mix of fact and humour! Useful for me as, while not a Stan, I have been known to be at home to Mr Paranoia...making up the guest bed up and opening the front door! But just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they're not out to get you...!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    BBG - I've been copying off you and a few others since I found you awesome writers. I'm Stealing your thoughts! Ha! That actually is another facet of paranoia - thinking people are stealing your thoughts! So I'm really nuts - I don't think someone is stealing my thoughts - I think I'm stealing other people's!

    No - 18 months old pretty much gives you a license to do anything and whatever happens - it can't be helped! Really - that is my favorite age - when they learn to talk and develop their own little personality. Cool age!

  • barbergirl28 profile image

    Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

    I agree 100% with epi there - you have a sizzle for the written word! :)

    As for my kids - they are pretty well behaved, for the most part. Well, with the exception of Max's need to be naked and him starting food fights, but he is only 18 months old so I can't really say too much! LOL

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Stu - It's way better than things most dogs get! Lol.

    I am still mulling what you have said over - I'd like to know more. I am going to try key word searches? Let me know if there's somewhere I can read about this! Very interesting really.

  • profile image

    Stu From VT 6 years ago

    RH - I must have ASD!!!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Stu - your comments are shocking! Omg! You have just thrown me into tachycardia! Lol. You are one smart dog. I really have never heard of that before! It is very interesting. I would have to read it a few times to really have it sink in but it sounds pretty good. I also am not sure which one I would be - the shocker or the shocked! I do not want to throw anyone in jail tho:)!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi epigramman! Wow - thank you so much! How nice to wake up to such an awesome compliment! I absolutely loved doing this hub because it was fun:) the target guy is really out there! I have to admit epi - with comments like yours I think you're pretty magical too!

  • profile image

    Stu From VT 6 years ago

    Hi RH,

    Technically, PPD is one of 14 psychoneuroses. At root, it is a fear of being shocked, although it manifests itself in fears of other actions as well. It is essentially the polar opposite of antisocial disorder - the fear of boredom.

    In psychotic (control) states, paranoids try to "imprison" others (control them) so they can't be threatened (shocked) by others, who they believe are all antisocials. Antisocials in a psychotic state are agressive shock jocks; they get a vicarious thrill by throwing others into shock.

    Both states are exaggerated versions of normal, but opposite, personality styles. Vigilant personality types like a slow heartbeat, and Adventurous personality types like a fast one. Vigilants tend to be very aware of what is going on around them, and avoid reckless risks. Adventurers enjoy "escape thrill," and seek a fast heartbeat (excitement) by taking risks (skydiviing, mountain climbing, etc.).

    In the case of psychoneurosis, the individual does not feel "worthy" of attaining their desired heartbeat, so they can only attain it by obtaining control and seeking it vicariously by controlling others. So paranoids "imprison" (watch over) imaginary antisocials by controlling their behavior so there is no opportunity to shock them (psychologically, they are throwing others into jail). Antisocials, fearing imprisonment (boredom) from imaginary paranoids, try to achieve control so they can shock others for a vicarious thrill (essentially, pretend they escaped prison and scare those around them by pointing a gun, pretending to push people off a cliff, etc.).

    Both conditions require psychotherapy, and in many cases andidepressants as well. Antipsychotics may also be called for if there is organic disease present (such as schizophrenia).

    Stu

  • epigramman profile image

    epigramman 6 years ago

    ...well you may be a real housewife - but damn!!!! you're also a real great writer - if you changed your hubname with all due respect to REAL GREAT WRITER - I would follow you - oh what the heck, epi!!! I will follow you even as a REALLY GREAT HOUSEWIFE - love the title, by the way, you've got something a lot of other writers would die to have - a writer's mojo and that's like magic - hard to find but easy to use (if you have it, and believe me - you definitely have 'it')

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    BBG - I can totally tell just from your pix your kids behave well:) you can't fool me. They are always hugging you and close to you, smiling and relaxed looking. Sweet kids.

    So funny about Max too - for a while Madison always wanted to be naked. (ok she was like 1 - 2 yrs. But the second we would come home from anywhere - she would start peeling her clothes off! She would get mad when I dressed her and you know how they get - mad pouty - making the noises like they are an animal? - so we compromised. She wore little girl underwear around for about a year!

  • barbergirl28 profile image

    Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

    WAIT!!! I am soppossed to teach my kids manners? Oh great - I am way behind the curve now... being that I have a 9 year old and a 6 year old. It might be too late for the girls... I guess I will have to work on Max. But, with the potty training today - he kept streaking around the house naked. Oh boy - guess I got my work cut out with me!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Sally! Isn't that hilarious! I shop there all the time too - they have cute stuff! If we see that guy though - the gig is up - we will know he really IS watching us:) LOL

  • Truckstop Sally profile image

    Truckstop Sally 6 years ago

    The video is so funny!! The store is Target!! I shop there way too much!!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Kat - I agree and I do keep a watchful eye on them. But when it's just my kids - they know how to deal with her:)

    Amy - that is just so awesome to hear, I'm honestly on cloud 9!!! It's as if I'm not even aware of what I'm writing sometimes when I get on a subject. I start outlining something and it usually gets monstrous! I just love trying to put something funny in:). Laughter is great any time of day!

    I have been writing for a long time and my friend called me and told me to watch Julie/Julia - I loved it! She ki d of pushed me to do something similar - I just didn't think I could make a blog about my daily life:) lol it would include repetive hubs about laundry and missing socks! But I did love that movie - it's a good Sunday afternoon movie.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    I am very concerned about her actually. I don't worry about her mom reading this because she is so uninvolved with everything but her BF - I took the kid to school every day and sometimes her mom would drop her off here before even going home. She leaves her here from dawn until 10 or later not even checking to see if she has eaten. One day she sent her over here with a plastic baggy and it had medicine in it with a time written in marker about when I should give it to her! MO - I've spoken to this woman 2 times. She lives a few houses down. She is severly neglected - she was here a lot! We took her everywhere with us but it's been nice I have to admit with her being at her dads! Omg! I feel bad even saying it but I do what I can, it's tough sometimes - she is wild.

  • Amy Becherer profile image

    Amy Becherer 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Dear RealHousewife, It's funny now that I'm writing articles at another site, I am more discerning about truly great writing. There is so much crap online. I responded to another hub piece about being a successful writer and she sent me a terrific link about blogging, which I'm really not familiar with. It was some of the best blogs of 2011. One was a woman whose husband got a job where they travel internationally. She blogs about aspects of the trip, such as the crazy, useless, futuristic shower in their Italian hotel room, another about a selfish asshole on a long Air France flight. They are hilariously truthful. This piece reminds me of her style of writing. It is original, fresh and relatable. I'm not being nice, I really mean what I say, RealHousewife. Great piece. It's rare to love every word from title to conclusion. This one is a real winner...just like you!

  • Katharella profile image

    Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

    Wow, that's sad. I find that parents like that just don't want to take the time to teach their kids manners, so it's an excuse. RH: Keep the baby monitor handy! I overheard some pretty bad things going on, on accident. I mean, enough to wake me out of a dead sleep! There's just no room in my life for people like that, or people who house people like that.

    By age 8.. yeah, they know right from wrong, they've learned it at school. So if they still have that behavior, then they just know they get away with it at home.

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    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    Maybe you should pull her aside one day and ask if she's got anything she needs to talk about...there could be more going on than you know...and you know how kids are - they parrot the kind of language they hear from their parents and other caregivers??

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Amy - hi St. Lou! Thank you SO much you are too nice! But I love ya! Lol.

    But you know - I just thought I should find something to laugh about with it. I know we all do feel somewhat vulnerable about putting our written thoughts out in the open for people to see. Some people want to pick us apart when we weren't meaning any harm. But those people could ask questions without going into attack mode too. But live and learn right - so I found something to laugh about:)!! I am so glad you did too you may my evening homegirl!!

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    I'm afraid to leave her alone with the little girl she doesn't like. I mean these days you just can't guess what kids might do. They don't understand sometimes their actions can be permanent. I'm a little anxious when she's around:)!!! Since summer began she's been at her dads a lot thank gosh. I feel sorry for her though it's not her fault really. When I ask her to behave she usually does for the remained of the visit.

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    Amy Becherer 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    RealHousewife, This is totally, completely, awesomely outstanding! I love the title. You are a genius. Your writing skills are just so, so, so...fantastic. This piece has everything. Sarcasm, fact, truth and more comedic value than I've seen in a long time...Seinfeld-ish even. BRAVO!

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    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    Good grief....Sounds that way. She'll be like Mackauly Culkin in The Good Son. Ack!

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    MO - I know. This particular mom doesn't realize her child misses out on a lot because the kids notice too. This kid though - is going to have a lot of issues - she told my kids she wanted to see the other 7 year old neighbor DEAD! I find it very worrisome - but she isn't my child so I can only make sure I watch her closely when she's in my house. Secretly - Dave and I refer to her as "The Bad Seed!" lol!

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    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    Real, that's a bunch of bull....not teaching your child manners at 8 because they're too young? I learned them EARLY, and what's more, my parents always used them with me. I recognized their authority, but when they asked me for something, THEY always said please and thank you. That matters a lot too, I think.

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Kat I knew you were kidding! No I do not think you would seriously do that! I love when parents help their children learn good behavior - it really means everything - especially first impressions. My neighbor has a child that is around 8 and she says she shouldn't be held responsible for her manners bc she's too young - that's a load! My kids were taught to say please and thank you when they were learning to talk and I think that's pretty normal. But to think 8 is too young to be nice and behave? She behaves when she's in my house so I know she's capable.

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    Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

    Oh! Well, darn I guess I shouldn't do meth to get slim and pretty like you even if I had to get fake teeth! Um, ok I need a new plan! Eating right and the treadmill was plan 1, and it's not helping. Um.. new plan, new plan.....

    I know you're not making fun of anybody silly!! You're about the only one I know who DON'T do that!! :) You don't think I really trip the retarded kid do ya? I mean that was a joke! I don't think we have any kids with those problems here actually! I think they're smarter than some of the adults! lol Now that isn't a joke! They're sweet, they say "Hi Miss Kathy hope you're having a good day".. and it's all I can do to not say "YOUR TEACHER MUST OF TAUGHT YOU THOSE MANNERS COS YOUR PARENTS SURE DIDN'T." LOL. (My ex d-i-l told me they know how to question kids about their home life, without realizing they are being questioned!) I thought that wasn't nice. Kids shouldn't have to worry about that.

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Haha! K don't mean HERE I mean here (in Missouri!) I wish they would get rid of it but I bet dentists love it!

    Oh no - I don't think the tests are really right - they are for making fun of yourself! LOL I would always pick on my own self before anyone else:)! It's just for fun. D.William got a really nasty one too - I wanted to link it but I think it got unpublished for the language the writer used:(

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    Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

    RH: If you have meth there, you better just get RID of it!! omg! I hear it's good for helping you obtain dentures tho.

    Um, as far as the tests, I think they aren't really necessary, cos if a person truly cared about a person who they though had these problems, then a real friend would help them either get help or not make fun of that person and make them feel bad! Of course that could be why I don't have any friends, cos I like making people feel bad for things they can't help! Like when I trip the retarded kid down the street. That is a total morning knee slapper!

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Kat - that Meth is the worst stuff. It is very big here - crying shame.

    I'll have to check out cheeseburger.com and see what they got - thanks for the hook-up!

    Marellen - thanks - I watched all of that guys videos and I noticed there were some spots where it was spliced so I think they may have been interrupted:) so hilarious though - you can tell everyone wants to know who he's talking to and why about them! Lol!

    Manna - you got that right. That's one of the interesting things - people that dont think there's something wrong with them are usually the problems so they don't see it in themselves - it's everyone else! People that do think they might have issues are usually the normal ones! Lol

    BBG - I even took the tests and marked them as I knew they should be - not as I really felt - I still didn't get anything that even looked accurate! I think the questions make sure you do need some special help no matter what you say! But even when I answered them honestly, I don't think my real issues were detected, you know? Or may e my Shri k was totally wrong about me! Ha!

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    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    LMAO - BBG, I don't think there's a way to "psych" out that test!

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    Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

    I am a borderline Paranoid with OCD apparently... is there anyway to get good markings on that test... lol... geez, someone really must be out to get me! LOL

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    Manna in the wild 6 years ago from Australia

    Social Networks are no place for paranoid people. :-(

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    marellen 6 years ago

    Real....Love the video and I'm surprised no one said anything to him. I guess we all have a tendency towards paranoia....some people are worse then others for sure.

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    Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

    Thanks! I'm not going to do cocaine lol! Only if I lived where it grows before it's chemical process. We don't grow the Coca Plant here, Texas isn't warm enough. :) Besides if anyone really did "drug" research, the "in" drug of choice is Meth.

    Thanks for letting use the cat picture! I am totally loving that site! It actually came from cheezburger.com and they are free to distribute! You can upload yours too! It's fun but I keep forgetting to add them to my folder, they're all in my Picasa lol!

    As for the food, yeah, if someone asks for food, I will always feed them if I can. My parents always said never let another go hungry. They grew up in the depression era so they know hunger. I would never give them money for alcohol though because why would I want to damage a persons empty stomach even if it gave them temporary relief. I watched my ex bf almost die because of what alcohol did to his throat. They had to go in and take food out that got stuck! Only cos I wouldn't let him LIE to the dr and say he only drank a 6pk, lol I blurted out 2 -6pks a DAY maybe! lol!

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    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    Makes you feel good that they're such brave knights in shining armor though, doesn't it?

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Mo - right! Dave was having his gallbadder out - my step dad's office did the surgery and they wanted me to take him home pretty quick. (My house has less chance of infection than the hospital Im afraid and that's just a fact of life:) but I got lost and ended up in a terrible area - even the gas stations were barred and it was like 11pm. People were lounging everywhere - you know? So I called him and he was all doped up still but when I told him my location I thought he was going to bust his stitches!

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    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    My husband is that way too. He has no fear anywhere! But let ME wind up in a neighborhood like that and I get my a$$ chewed! lol

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Mo that probably sums it up well for Dave - he was in a bad neighborhood one day and several people blocked his way driving down the street - I was on the phone with him and I suddenly heard a loud voice say, "you got some food in there?" he gave someone his McDonalds hamburger;) lol. I was scared for him and thought he ought not to roll that window down!

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    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    Michael gave money to a homeless guy one day and we got talking about what he was going to use it for. He said so what if he uses it for booze or drugs - it may be the only thing that makes him feel good today. :( Sad as it is, it might be true for some.

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    MO - Dave is like that too - he is always giving people on the street money. If anyone asks him for anything he is hard pressed to say no. Great guys these are! When we had the shop people were always asking him for cigarettes or money. (it was in the city). I would say you know you're probably supporting a drug habit - he says what if they aren't?

    Kat - I'll go check that out. You are more than welcome to the pic after all, I stole it from Microsoft (oops I should credit them!) but it was free! So really it's called ughurhgirnfinr I guess! Don't try cocaine! Lol it doesn't help a thing!

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    Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

    I GAVE UP! I cannot get on the "people of wal-mart" site, so like said above.. well, I DID IT MYSELF! Yep, while I was in dyer pain, and few stores around to really shop (for real stuff I like) I decided while going to get my macaroons (oh I love them, and healthy too, if not too much butter is used!)

    So please feel free to visit and I hope you get a laugh of my walmart umbrella & beach bag part, especially! LOL I'm trying to NOT get sunburned at the beach!

    And RH, hon, I had to steal your fish/cat pic, sorry.. I admit I'm a thief.. it was just too perfect for the ending! :) Please forgive me!

    Oh, and I totally agree about the pot and fritos! OMG back when I used to do that, a friend and I were sharing a bag and I literally gave her the bag and said 'O-M-G, YOU DROOLED ON THE FRITO AND PUT YOUR HAND BACK IN THE BACK, YOU STONER" then we laughed, but yeah, no I don't want her slobber on my fritos! Although I no longer EAT fritos, because I only eat healhy, YES You'll see the before & after photos of when I self medicated, and my "wal-mart" doctor medcated drugs did to my health, but THE HUB ISN'T ABOUT THAT, because I haven't had anything to hallucinate on in about 15 years! So unfortunately, now I just steal photos from people I stalk via the internet! hehe.. Is there an acronym for that... PISPFVTI... I think that must be it!

    Sometimes ya just wish you never told people about your real personal life! But there's mine, wide open! After, then before, as you can tell the length of my hair! lol. Which I don't wanna cut! I must be one of those weirdo's who LIKE PAIN cos combing my hair is about as much pain as my shoulders can take for one day! ::sigh:: :) But it does look cool when it's down lol.

    P.S. I think those test are made up by people trying to make us paranoid. I haven't tried cocaine in like 35 years, so maybe I should give it a whirl to see if it has anything to do with my paranoia! Wait.. I don't know anybody who uses that stuff.. idea's on where to obtain would help.. j/k.. I really have enough allergy problems lol.

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    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    Wow, Jim - your personality is a lot like my husband's. He can't stand to see people suffer - EVER. So, God forbid he see someone get bullied, or has to see someone cry. He can't live with that - it makes him angry.

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Jim - I like that - I worked in the emergency room for a while - and I couldn't take it. It really bothered me to see people in pain. Not just the patients but their families as well. I greatly admire the people that dedicate themselves to helping in that way but it was disturbing for me. The docs told me I would "get used" to it. One night I was reminding myself of that because a 21 year old girl came in with HIV - It hit me at that moment that I don't want to get used to it. Maybe that's why I switched to watching people sleep and helping them sleep better;)

    Thank you so much!! You're the man!

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    MO - the tests are usually pretty silly. I mean I found one that had ten questions! Really?someone can "diagnose" a person in 10 questions? I doubt it! Truly doctors have to interview a patient and look into their lives and the history of their lives to determine these things. I have seen some really good tests that can predict a lot - but only a licensed doctor should really determine! Lol. Maybe I'm too suspicious but I suspect a lot of those tests are designed to draw you to get 'help' from the test giver;)

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    TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

    RH,

    Yeah, the reality is that someone's tears really effects me. I can't stand it, and have to fix the cause. Unfortunately I've found that I sometimes caused the tears because I'm so obsessed with what's in front of me that I forget birthdays, and sometimes don't notice things that I should. That's probably the only thing I'd change about myself if I had the power to do so. With me not to manny things are consistant personality wise. I'm very generous when it comes to some things, and very stingy with other things. I won't give you a bite off my hamburger, but I'll gladly buy you one of your own .. if someone's comming into some kind of relationship with me (work wise or what ever), I tell em about all the negatives. I don't like getting surprises, and I don't like giving them.

    Again, this was a good subject, well put together, and it's going to get a lot more attention I think kiddo.

    jim

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    Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

    I think the test is CRAP...lol Not really. But I wasn't paranoid or narcissistic. I'm not telling you what it said I WAS though...lol

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Jim - hi buddy! We are the same then! Lol btw - the test only gives you what you're closest to and 'normal' wasn't a result for anything! (Maybe I'm paranoid but the test makers can't make money off normal people;).

    I do know that you care about other's feelings - it's just one of your many good qualities. I always root for the underdog. I feel that I am very careful to try not to hurt other people's feelings and it would seriously bother me if I did.

    We are all "messed" up in different ways - I think were all a combo of scraps of labels out there. Were all TOO much of something - too mean, too nice, too forgiving, too aggressive, too passive - whatever. So I don't care - if I'm crazy I'll embrace it! Cuz it's just fun!

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    Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    BBG - Dave and I sat around watching all that guys videos - we were laughing so much! It would be so fun to do that - I have tried similar experiments with whispering. I notice that if you speak in a normal voice - lots of people don't listen to what you're saying - but! If you say ANYTHING in a whisper - everyone's ears perk up!!

    So if it's an important subject and you want others to listen - say it in a whisper:)

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    TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

    That test is nuts! I'm not histitronic/narcissitic or however you spell it! :0 I must have missunderstood the questions or something. Hmmmm .. Before I get carried away; this was a great little piece. Up, useful, and awesome. You really put this together well my friend.

    I've taken every drug on the list a dozen times pied when I was a pup for sure. A gym buddy of mine (can't mention his name but his initials are W.W.) is a famous shrink. A very cool guy. Long white hair, and beard, covered with tats, he looks like an old Hells Angel, and cusses like a sailor. Anyway, he knows me well, and he says I have some kind of "Superman Complex" or soemthing. I HAVE made a life of protecting people who can't protect themselves. I'm a bullie's nightmare, because people who prey on the weak make me nuts. I've done a lot of my own bully beat downs back in school. I truly hate it so completely. The truth is I DO care about other people's feelings, I just FORGET to care sometimes. Sucks, I know. I don't even know what that histironic thing is. I guess it has something to do with history or something. I DO like reading up on Geronimo and stuff, so I've probably got some of that okay. I'll look that one up.

    I've always known I was messed up, but I've learned to accept, work around, and even respect my messed upness. This hub was excellent, but it made me a little ... ummm .. anxious? I'll be okay, I just gotta find my meds! :/

    jim