- Quality of Life & Wellness
Pathways to health, fitness, nutrition, and mind/body balance
Welcome to our space! We are excited to start the new year as a team to move you along the pathway toward a healthier and happier you :)
As one becomes whole, humanity on a collective level is that much closer to wholeness. We must remember this and take hold of our personal responsibility to ourselves and an awakening humanity. With this in mind we begin this journey with the first step away from New Year's resolutions with which we limit and judge ourselves. Today, embrace who you are and who you are becoming.
JANUARY 9 2011
Driving to OC for a visit with my cousins I was thinking about why I am so uncomfortable with New Year's resolutions this year. I had made my usual list: weight loss, more time for myself, reading some of the books gathering dust since last year's resolutions... But something was feeling out of balance about the whole idea behind making resolutions.
Over lunch I gave one of my cousins a copy of an old photo I'd gotten from family in Kansas. he asked about it but I had few answers.
Driving home I called Tyler.
"Hey, so did you have a good time with the family?"
"Yeah, I gave my cousin the photo with his dad in it as a young man." There was a pause and I added, "He asked who everyone else was, but of course I didn't know. I didn't think he'd understand why I couldn't ask my dad, but when I told him that my dad always gets annoyed talking about his childhood, my cousin nodded and said his dad, my dad's brother, was ashamed by their childhood poverty too. That really took me aback. I had never thought of shame associated with the way our dads had grown up. I always thought it was an admirable thing that they both overcame poverty to raise families in a middle class suburbs."
"But they grew up soaked in the Christian paradigm didn't they, your dad and his brother? The whole idea of sin and redemption is hard to shake."
I took a breath, trying to figure out what Tyler was getting at.
"Their comparative success in life was the redemption from the poverty and dysfunction they experienced in childhood. That cycle of poverty and abuse is bad, the sin, so to speak. So they want nothing to do with it."
"But how can you compartmentalize a life like that?" I asked as I tried to understand what Tyler was saying.
"It's called dysfunction. Not being on the same page with what you think, feel and do. As an adult trying to function with unresolved conflict from childhood carried forward to the present will create all sorts of unhealthy coping skills. One way to survive early trauma is denial, thats why the shame or embarrassment of seeing an old photo from childhood, all of the emotions from the past begin bubbling up to the surface and it can be very uncomfortable especially when you have taken great effort in burying the past. Its a survival mechanism, albeit very unhealthy . Emotional health is displayed when what you think matches what you feel, and do and say. "
After the conversation with Tyler as I pulled into my driveway I realized why New Year's resolutions were feeling so unbalanced to me this year. How can I compartmentalize myself like that? Judging that last years habits were bad and I must redeem myself with my resolutions is cutting my life and myself in to good and bad segments.
Last year's habits were me last year. The same me I am today, no different. I'll lose the weight and read those books but not because I need to fix that bad part of myself, redeem it so to speak, but because those are the tasks I choose to take on this year.