ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Chapter 1 - Understanding Human Behaviour and the Winning Recipe for Success

Updated on March 9, 2020
MitaraN profile image

Finding my inspiration through the voice of music and poetry. Being creative and finding ways in making life easier and smarter for others.

In the earlier stages of my career, I was young and naive, and understood very little about the different personalities that I encountered daily.

I quickly became fascinated by human behaviours and I often wondered about what makes people act the way they do, what makes them tick and after hours of research I realised there are no clear-cut answers to these questions. This is because there are so many variables that influence these aspects.

I was lucky to attend a very interesting occupationally directed workshop for leaders.

The pre-requisite at the time was only directed to employees in leadership roles, however there were so many missed opportunities.

One of the many concepts I had the privilege to learn was the Ego State and the benefits of these in daily interactions.

In every one of us there are 3 main ego states that embody our behaviours. These are the Parent, Adult and Child ego states. This can be further drilled down to a secondary layer.

The Parent ego state are behaviours, thoughts and feelings which are usually copied from parents or parental figures and can be distinguished in the graphic below.

This made so much sense to me as I could easily identify from my upbringing that my father was the critical parent and my mother was the nurturing parent, however these could be different for each family.

Considering this association, let us dive deeper using the following scenario:

I received my report card for the school term, and my average results ranked in the mid 70th percentile. At this point I did not know whether this is good or bad, nor I did care.

Showing this to my mother (nurturing parent), she was so proud of me and acknowledged my hard work and the time I put in during the examination period. I was care free to enjoy my midterm break.

Later that evening, with the excitement of my mother's words resonating through my mind, I showed my report card to my father (critical parent). It was the most confusing moment for me as a child, when he did not share the same enthusiasm as my mother. His voice became stern with patronising remarks, asking me “Do you think this is something to be proud of?”, he went on to ask me a few more questions in a tone that quickly indicated to me that it would be best, not to answer.

Now analysing the scenario above, it may seem like the critical parent is being very nasty and you would most likely link it to the fact that he may have had a bad day at the office, or he doesn’t understand the complexity of the examination. This is a usual defence mechanism that we as human’s resort to by default as this lessens the impact of the situation. “It’s not ME, it’s him”.

Contrary to popular belief there is a place for both these ego states to co-exist. The nurturing parent helps build the confidence whilst the critical parent drives performance and results.

The issue with the scenario above is simply a matter of timing.

It would have been best for me to show my report card to my father first, it would not change his reaction, however the comfort that I receive from my mother afterward would surely have lessened the impact to my confidence.

The Adult ego state are behaviours, thoughts and feelings which are direct responses to the here and now, usually task orientated.

In practical terms, this ego state allows us to just get the job done with no emotion only results orientated. This ego state is where we are optimally thinking and effortlessly performing as there are no ambiguities regarding the task.

The Child ego state are behaviours, thoughts and feelings replayed from childhood memories.

These ego states are directly linked to the dominant parent style in the household which a child is raised and exposed.

In cases where the nurturing parent was mostly dominant, the notorious child ego state often referred to as the free child, is cultivated. The free child as described above usually display skills that foster innovation, impulsiveness and all round FUN! The free child lives in each one of us, and is often seen during the holidays.

In households where the critical parent is mostly dominant, the rebellious child becomes active. Generally, this can be easily relatable when dealing with teenagers. This behaviour is born on the premise that the individual cannot take the torture, built up in their minds, of having someone constantly controlling, judging and patronising them.

Looking back at my youth I acknowledge that I was the product of a dominant critical parent household, which saw me rebel so often that eventually the rebellion did not make sense anymore.

Finally, the adaptive child, which is born from an equally strong nurturing and critical parent. The result is confusion in the mind of a child as they are not sure which way is correct. If you look closely in your social circles, you would most probably identify this person in your group. In my experiences, this person is not decisive and is often seen as aligning to the majority, usually afraid to make the wrong choice even when there is no wrong choice.

I have found that by understanding the 6 ego states, you are more prepared to deal with all types of individuals irrespective of their dominant ego state. When practiced consciously, it can effectively change the outcome of almost every interaction to become more meaningful and worthwhile.

I have tried many different combinations of the ego states to help me and the most successful recipe is to start all interaction with the nurturing parent, this allows you to build rapport and support you to move into adult mode. This is the time get to the point of the conversation as both parties are ready for the task and finally end of with the nurturing parent to ensure that the invite for further interactions is welcomed.

The winning formula: Nurturing Parent -> Adult -> Nurturing Parent

At the beginning of this article, I mentioned missed opportunities.

Do you see any other opportunity that this can be used aside from the workplace?

See results

Many organisations provide the correct learning programme and workshops; however, to reap the rewards of this, the culture of the organisation must be supportive for employees to practice the newly acquired knowledge.

This has had an impact with the interactions in my household and by using the winning formula, this has helped me become an effective parent, which is truly amazing.

What ego state do you consider yourself to be most dominant, in the work place?

See results

What ego state do you consider yourself to be most dominant, at home?

See results
Leading the Workforce of the Future: Inspiring a Mindset of Passion, Innovation and Growth
Leading the Workforce of the Future: Inspiring a Mindset of Passion, Innovation and Growth

Brigette Hyacinth is a fine example on leadership in the messages she brings across and her actions.

She is a well renowned bestselling Author, motivational and keynote speaker.

I had connected to Brigette on LinkedIn a while back, and still continue to be inspired by her words of encouragement, helpful tips and views.

Brigette has wrote the following books:

- The future of Leadership: Rise of Automation, Robotics and Artificial Intelligence

- The Ultimate Leader: Learning, Leading and Leaving a Legacy of Hope

- The Edge of Leadership: A Leader’s handbook for Success

She has announced the release of her new book “Leading the Workforce of the Future: Inspiring a Mindset of Passion, Innovation and Growth”

I have read all of her books, they are so motivating, inspiring and enlightening. I encourage all my readers to check it out. I look forward to reading her latest release

Available on Amazon

 

For further information on related articles, refer to the links below:

© 2020 Mitara N

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • MitaraN profile imageAUTHOR

      Mitara N 

      11 days ago from South Africa

      Thank you for your enlightening feedback on the article.

      It's good to differentiate or understand the ego states independantly, to assess a situation in terms of approach, whether it be in the workplace, business or personal.

      Your comment is always appreciated, stop by anytime to read many more insightful articles.

    • profile image

      Kabelo Mahape 

      12 days ago

      I find the ego states very interesting especially in my world of work. I resonate with the adaptive child as I am afraid to rock the boat of fear of victimisation or bullying. However if i change my approach and make a concerted effort to use the winning recipe, i am hopeful that a positive outcome will be reached. I will post my feedback once i have practiced.

      Please share more insights, this article had me gripped from beginning to end.

    • MitaraN profile imageAUTHOR

      Mitara N 

      2 weeks ago from South Africa

      Hi Robert,

      The ego state concept is a physiological concept that is referred to in many soft skills courses. I often find that in learning courses these are not applied using life scenarios which sometimes does not entrench the skills.

      Thank you very much for your feedback.

    • Robert Sacchi profile image

      Robert Sacchi 

      2 weeks ago

      A good article. I learned about the three states in a work course. The instructor used characters from Star Trek TOS as examples of the different ego states.

    • HousewifeHawaii profile image

      Ruth Fuller 

      3 weeks ago from Hawaii

      Very informative and interesting article.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)