- Quality of Life & Wellness
Perspectives: Knowing Your True Self – Happiness Is Mind Over Matter
Knowing your True Self
The idea behind this series called Perspectives is explained in a hub published by MickeySr:
- Perspectives: An Introduction
What we think and how we feel about things is defined, not by the things themselves, but by our perspective of things. Everything that comes before us is filtered through our perception of things...
I feel honored to be part of a team highly accomplished writers at HubPages, sharing perspectives on important issues.
(Please feel free to share your perspective via a hub or a comment.)
- marcoujor on HubPages
In my time here at HubPages, I have been honored: **with a HubNugget for Appreciating the Gift of Life - After Survival, in June, 2011. **with...
- MickeySr on HubPages
I was born in San Francisco in 1954 and moved to Pennsylvania when I was ten. I married my high school sweetheart after falling hard for her...
- Docmo on HubPages
I love words. They inspire, excite, educate, entertain, reassure, heal and do so much more. My love of writing comes naturally from my lifelong...
- bravewarrior on HubPages
Writing is my passion. I've written poetry since age 19 and have been published by The Library of Congress, The Poetry Guild and Random House. ...
Knowing my True Self
I was in a state of extreme unhappiness when I asked myself for the first time “Who am I?”. Thereafter I realized that I tend to ask this question only while I was in a state of unhappiness.
Being sad, angry, disappointed, afraid and anxious are in my book the equivalent of being unhappy, and this I was for many decades before I finally found my True Self where I've jailed her in the corner of my soul at the age of twelve in order to become who/what others wanted me to be. So in my quest to find my True Self, I’ve came to the conclusion that knowing (and accepting) my True Self is the same as knowing what makes me happy.
An Easy Way to Find Your True Self
- Do you know your SELF (and the angels and devils on your shoulder)
Before we can find our True Self, we have to distinguish between the voices in our heads ~ Ego, Self-Image, Mind, True-Self....
Perspective on Happiness
By explaining my personal perspective on ‘happiness’, I answer a few questions asked by my fellow-writer bravewarrior. (My True Self will speak the truth and nothing but the truth.)
Question: Setting the world and your obligations aside, what makes YOU happy?
Answer: First of all I must say that I would be extremely unhappy if I had no responsibilities and no chores to take care of. The more responsibilities and chores on my agenda, the more strength and energy I manage to generate. Without responsibilities I would sink into the dark, depths of depression. Therefore I acquired the habit to create responsibilities and chores, keeping myself happy by being productive, constructive and creative. After all, doing this triggers the brain to release serotonin and all kinds of uplifting-endorphin that make us feel good, happy and contented.
Unfortunately with this habit I have dug myself another grave - 'Ignoring True Self'. So eventually I was once again compelled to find and acknowledged my True Vulnerable Self, called Me. (I can be anything from a mother to a mechanic, but Me is only Me.)
To answer the question 'what makes me happy' -
Being ME makes me happy. Doing whatever I am doing WITH the approval of my beloveds, makes me happy. When I don't have their approval, I find myself without any doubts in a state of unhappiness and revolt.
Could I be the only one with this particular perspective on the primary need of one's True Self?
To answer the question without thinking twice, I would say making music - alone or with others - makes me happy.
Question: When your 9-5 is over, the food is on the table, the kids are in bed, laundry is done, bills paid, animals fed, etc, etc., what do you do for yourself?
Answer: To be honest, everything I do, I do for myself. My doings may appear to be for others, however, while taking care of others, whether by providing what they need, or supporting, encouraging and entertaining them, simply loving them, I feel happy and worthy.
So what do I do for myself when I've done everything else?
I play the piano or write stories, articles or whatever I feel like writing. But closely examined this, too, could be categorized as ‘taking care of the needs of others’. I can only be happy, truly happy, when everybody in my realm is happy. If not, I would try to make them happy, even if my efforts mean staying out of their sight and wishing them the best.
This makes me realize that my True Self has a natural desire to serve others in some way or another. So serving others means making myself happy.
Knowing this also makes me happy AND willing to find more ways to serve others, though the minute I realize that I am taken for granted and treated like a slave, my Ego takes over and send me to the corner where I am supposed to consider myself.
Question: What do I want from Life?
Answer: All I want from Life is the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate it in all its facets. I have no outrageous wishes and desires. I am a Spartan by nature; though I do need (and have) more than just the bare necessities, like a nice, cozy home, a comfortable bed, a car, dishwasher, a TV, cell phone, sound equipment and most important, computers and Internet facilities. (Oh, my TV is out of order for weeks now, and my sound equipment is not the quality I would like it to be, but I am still happy!)
Struggling makes me unhappy; I need comfort, but not luxury. Instead of an expensive Mercedes, I am quite happy with an ordinary Ford. On the other hand, if I could afford a Mercedes, I would certainly have one.
The point is, my happiness does not really depend on materialistic stuff, though I find it easier to be happy while I have what I consider to be 'comfort'.
Question: How do you envision your life?
Answer: When I was a young girl, I’ve seen myself as a happily married woman, a loving mother of beautiful, healthy, intelligent and obedient children, successful in my career, living happily ever after in a comfortable home. Some of this became reality, while others remained envisioned, yet realized in a different scenario. Now, at 50+, I hope to see myself happily and gracefully age, all the way willing and able to grab opportunities to enjoy life.
Question: If you had no encumbrances, how would you live the one life you have on this Earth?
Answer: To be happy, I have to feel worthy and wanted. But to feel worthy and wanted I need others to want me, or, better stressed, to want me to satisfy some of their needs. How would I be able to prove that I am worthy to be wanted without encumbrances to conquer?
Of course, there are encumbrances and encumbrances. Irresponsible people tend to create their own burdens, such as debt, demanding relationships and unnecessary responsibilities. I was one of them and from time to time I am still one of them. It takes a lifetime to grow wise. However, developing one's talents and skills and achieving qualifications are also encumbrances. I see a life without encumbrances only in death.
Question: Setting aside all the identities that life thrusts upon us (parent, neighbor, employee, cook, maid, etc, etc) who are you?
Answer: I am only, but only, a being to be loved (sustained) by another being. I am in fact only half of a being that is part of a bigger being.
Everything I was, am and will ever be depended, depends and will depend on the presence or absence of a man in my life. Of course, I can be happy without a man in my life, but I will never lie to myself and deny the fact that my True Self is her happiest and most contented while she is firmly connected to her 'other half' - a man who happens to meet her expectations. My True Self also desire the results of such a connection (in order to become better, stronger, more, reproducing herself).
Question: What do you like and enjoy? What makes you, the real you, happy?"
My True Self love to love and love to be loved.
But what is Love?
- Agápe - a general affection or deeper sense of "true love" - the feeling of being contented or holding one in high regard. (My True Self wants to agapé every living being, therefore crimes of all sorts, including war, saddens her to the depths of despair.)
- Éros - passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. (My True Self wants to eros her 'other half' - a specific man meeting her expectations.)
- Philia – friendship, includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. (My True Self wants to philia her relatives, friends and acquaintances. She finds it impossible to philia her enemies - those who hate her and/or her fellowman - so she is trying her best to stay far away from them, hoping and praying that they will become worthy of her philia.)
- Storge – affection, like that felt by parents for offspring and human’s love for pets. (My True Self storge her offspring and also pets, though at present her grandchildren are her only 'pets'. Maybe one day, when she is once again ready to cope with the emotional pain instigated by sick, dying and deceased pets, she might get herself a cat and a dog, and maybe a parrot too.)
Happiness - What exactly is my perspective on happiness?
Happiness is relative. A person born and raised in a jungle feels uncomfortable and vulnerable on open flats; a person born and raised on a farm, even only for the first seven years of his life, may find the pulsing liveliness of cities exciting, but in the core of his soul his True Self will yearn, and more gnawing as time goes by, for the peace, quietness and openness of the country. A person who grew up in an environment where love was scarce, may for the rest of his life not need as much love as a person who grew up in an environment where love was abundant.
After I've quested ‘happiness’ for a long time, trying all the gimmicks of so-called successful people, I finally realized that happiness was a state of mind.
Humans are Discoverers, born to be Pioneers
Humans are not born with the urge or tendency to learn from others. We see the tendency to discover and do everything all by ourselves clearly in the toddler when he utters his famous shout. “No, don't help me! I can! I can do it myself!”
We want to, we have to, learn by trial and error. We have to experience, either physically or in our imagination, unhappiness in order to seek happiness, poverty in order to seek wealth, humiliation in order to seek status. The more we experience the ‘bad’, the more we tend to quest the ‘good’... even in the wrong places and even while our perception of 'good' is totally disfigured.
Later, sometimes too late, curiosity and also the urge to survive in the most comfortable circumstances obtainable forces us to consider the knowledge and experience others had obtained in their lives.
We all know how difficult it is to change our perception of a matter in accordance with someone else’s perceptions and perspectives, so many people never learn what they are supposed to learn. They never find true happiness; they never meet their True Self.
Many people DIE as an Ego who had tried their entire live to protect and promote their True Self.
Only some people find the happiness they quested by meeting their True Self and realizing the enough their True Self actually needs in order to be happy.
Happiness is a condition
Happiness is a condition we want to be in before we even know what it is all about. Babies and toddlers cry cordially when they find themselves in an unpleasant condition in any circumstances. I have seen children (and adults) living in precarious circumstances, yet they were radiant with happiness, and I know many people living in comfort and luxury, yet they are unhappy unto death.
Our circumstances do not determine our happiness; happiness is a condition, a state we are in at a particular time.
But this, too, is not the ultimate truth. We are so often in a condition of pain and discomfort, even in perfect circumstances. So finally we can but only be happy when we USE our mind and put it over ALL matters.
Happiness prevails with Mind over Matter.
Happiness is Mind over Matter
Of course matters will affect us. A wet nappy is a matter affecting a baby seriously. A broken leg is a matter with a grievous effect on a child’s condition. Unemployment and Poverty are matters affecting adults to the point of total despair.
We humans are the most privileged beings on Earth, having a mind and not only instinct like animals. We can use our mind to change or accept a matter. It only takes one decision and thereafter persisting action.
- Do you know your SELF (and the angels and devils on your shoulder)
Use this elementary model and meet your Mind, Ego, Self-Image and True-Self.
Referring to the characters in our psychological system - Mind, Ego, Self-Image and True-Self -
In order for True-Self to be happy as s/he is supposed to be, True-Self should be IN CHARGE and not a stranger living somewhere in our inside.
Also read the perspectives of MickeySr, marcoujor, Docmo, bravewarrior and.....
- Perspectives: Knowing Your True Self - Be True to Yourself
Setting the world and your obligations aside, what makes YOU happy? When your 9-5 is over, the food is on the table, the kids are in bed, laundry is done, bills paid, animals fed, etc, etc., what do you do for yourself? What makes you, the person who
- Perspectives: Knowing Your True Self : How to Measure Your Pleasure
magine a summer meadow. Gloriously lit sky reigning over the beautiful green grass. There is a gentle breeze blowing and the soft rustle of leaves.There is a hint of a fragrance in the air, without overwhelming the senses. In the distance there is a
- Perspectives: Knowing Your True Self ~ The Emperor's Old Clothes
- Perspectives: Knowing Your True Self - The Happiness Habit by marcoujor
As a writer, it can be more comfortable to write about others. As a nurse, it can be easier to make everyone else happy before yourself. We all need to discover what makes 'us' happy physically, spiritually and emotionally. This is my perspective on
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