Perspectives: Loneliness - Choice vs. Choices
Introduction
If you are a newcomer or simply need a reminder, the Perspectives team and concept is headed by our founder, MickeySr. We are now on our 5th installment of the series. The theme changes each month and guest writers are invited and encouraged to join us.
This month we welcome Randi, aka btrbell, taking our menage a cinq (MickeySr, Marcoujor, Martiecoetser, Docmo and myself) a step up to menage a six. Welcome Randi and thank you for rounding out the team!
Loneliness
I’m one of the fortunate few who have never experienced loneliness; therefore I waited until the enth hour to begin my composition. I am alone quite often and frankly, I’m perfectly comfortable with that – in fact I prefer being alone. That wasn’t true not so long ago, but bad choices in mates has rendered me accepting of what makes me comfortable, and I’ve discovered what or who makes me comfortable is me.
You may deem me selfish, but I beg to differ; I am realistic. Funny for an idealist to profess, but we must (I must) embrace every aspect of our personalities in order to be comfortable with life and claim happiness in this world. Having spent most of my life in need of others to validate me, I now, in the downside of life’s ‘hill’ need myself more than I need others. Perhaps this is due to my having not known that it is ‘me’ I need to become comfortable with more than the other way around. Again, you may call me selfish, which I was when young, but now I’m turning inside and working on becoming a better human in order to be there for others. If you still think I’m selfish, so be it.
There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone. Sometimes being alone is a conscious choice, as I have made for my current phase in life. Sometimes being alone is not a choice; someone makes it for you whether in death, separation or divorce. But what about those who separate themselves from the comfortable life they know in order to strive for a better world?
What about the soldier?
What about the soldier?
Imagine yourself thousands of miles from home in a climate unlike that of the most arid parts of the US or any other familiar climate. Imagine yourself having to look over your shoulder with every breath you take. Imagine having to look forward and around as you look behind – all the time! Imagine not being able to shower and having to eat MRE’s instead of real food. Imagine yourself sleeping in a hole dug in the sand with artillery as your pillow. Imagine the monstrous spiders and other grotesque desert dwellers crawling all around you. Imagine never being able to fall fully asleep.
Imagine wanting to come home to a hug at the end of a hard day’s work and it being so far away you can almost taste the feeling but have no idea when – or worse - if you’ll ever again feel those warm arms around you. Imagine missing the birth of your child, an anniversary, a family reunion.
My imagination spells those situations as L-O-N-E-L-I-N-E-S-S. The yearning and longing and feeling of loss one becomes saturated with is what creates the sense of loneliness. At least that’s my interpretation. The word ‘loneliness’ has a definition in the dictionary, but I think loneliness is a feeling that is hard-pressed to be defined in words, therefore I won’t bother with what the dictionary says; it has no frigging clue!
Our brave soldiers gain a comradeship that can never be rivaled. They cling to those who have seen things most of will never see, in order to survive. They will never be alone, but are they lonely? Perhaps and probably. Perhaps they won’t let you in when you try to understand. After all, who can really understand unless you’ve lived and seen what the soldier has seen? Perhaps their military position and rank has forbidden them to talk about what they have seen and done, all in the endurance of our freedom. Our beloved soldiers can’t talk about what they have seen even if they so desire to relieve their hearts, memories and minds.
My point to choice vs. choices
So, back to the title “Choice vs. Choices”. What do I mean by that? Simply put, you can choose to be lonely by ostracizing all who want to share your life in the every day circumstances of we common folk. If you experience loneliness because of that, you have brought it upon yourself. Go inside, see it and fix it unless you want to wallow in your sorrow. Frankly, I have no time for that mindset.
On the other hand, our soldiers experience loneliness that unfortunately, is part of the job description. Love them, keep in contact as often as their position will allow, be proud of them and welcome them home if you are lucky enough to have that privilege. Take time to try to fathom what they have seen in their absence from life as they know it and realize it will take time to ‘come back home’. Support them. Love them. Leave them alone when they need to be alone and work to never have them feel lonely again.
Choice vs. choices. Sometimes loneliness is brought on and sometimes it’s a bi-product. Recognize the difference and govern yourself accordingly.
Shauna L Bowling
Copyright © February 2013
All Rights Reserved
The rest of the team
Please read the perspectives offered by the other members of the team. Rarely do we have the same take on each topic. It is always interesting to see how each of us perceives the human emotion brought to mind in this series.
MickeySr.: http://mickeysr.hubpages.com/hub/Perspectives-Loneliness-Its-Not-About-Being-Alone
Maria:
Martie: http://martiecoetser.hubpages.com/hub/Perspectives-Loneliness-An-Indisputable-Emotional-Pain
Mohan: http://docmo.hubpages.com/video/PerspectivesLoneliness-Echoes-are-Louder-when-Empty
Randi: http://btrbell.hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Learn-to-Accept-Loneliness
March's theme is 'What Don't You Know'. Please feel free to email Mickey if you'd like to be our guest writer for March.
Comments
Hi Shauna,
Like you I have no problem being alone.
I cannot begin to imagine how lonely it must be for soldiers in a strange country, away from their family, friends and way of life.
Voted up and sharing
Have a great week. :)
Great hub, soldiers do a lot for the country. They are the brave warriors in life. Great write. Voted up.
I had never even thought about the loneliness aspect of a soldier's life before, very true. Great article, interesting, open and honest.
I agree with you that we have a choice. I pray for the soldiers as I know many struggle to stay alive, and they are so far away from the comforts of home. I enjoy being alone at least some of the time. I think being alone can be healthy as long as you fill up your life with something that fulfills you. Awesome hub.
Your insight and self-knowledge is...simply awesome, my friend..
You clinically point out the vast - and often self-imposed - differences between being alone - and true loneliness..
i too spend the majority of my time alone - by choice - and, i often wonder if standing apart is something that writers tend to share...
You've covered this months topic beautifully - bringing a 'perspective' that really opens ones eyes!
voting up and sharing onxx
Thank you so much for this great read Sauna. Loneliness can indeed be daunting and also one cna be very lonely even if surrounded by others. I vote up,across and share all around . Have a wonderful day.
Eddy.
Eddy.
wow..this is really excellent. glad to share this to others.
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective on loneliness. Although you state you have never experienced loneliness, your wisdom on the subject is evident. I appreciate, especially, your insight to the soldiers' plight and their loneliness . . . very profound. Yes, indeed, choice!
Excellent write. Voted up +++ and sharing
Hugs, Faith Reaper
Thank you for this. Rather than poorly expressing how good this is, I shared it. Thank you
Shauna, an excellent offering from your wise viewpoint. I love the concept of choice vs choices and the way you've linked it to the plight of those soldiers who are out discharging their duty while hiding their loneliness among the battlefield's horrors. up/awesome, my friend.
An excellent perspective, for sure our soldiers must be the lonliest people on earth.
At first I was skeptical about your title "Choice vs Choices" but when I started reading your hub the skepticism melted away. Seems we all agree comfort in your own skin is the first step to not being lonely. It has nothing to do with selfishness.
As I read your description of our soldiers, I was totally moved and close to tears. So many take for granted what these soldiers go through and often for a very long time. They are certainly a group who knows loneliness and often one of their biggest problems is trying to cope with it.
Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting.
I like the way you think! We do have the choice to be lonely or not. This is what I have taught my daughters and one learned very quickly. The other not so much. How could you ever be lonely or alone when you have yourself? This is my way of thinking:)
In regards to the soldiers...that makes me heart sad...I could imagine how lonely they must be for their families:(
I agree with you, bravewarrior - Loneliness is a choice. But one has to identify the emotion before a choice could become an option.
Your hub pulled a specific memory of the first Christmas Eve in the company of my in-laws; I was so terribly lonely; I felt like the soldiers you've described in here. So far away from home and from my beloveds. While - and this is so weird - as a teenager in the company of my beloveds, I have missed people I've never met before!!!
Looking back, I was throughout my life the loneliest in the company of my (ex)husband. Loneliness is an emotion with many roots in many different sources, and perhaps in our genes.
I could have made the decision to die from loneliness, but I've chosen to focus on all the many opportunities to be happy in spite of the yawning emptiness (loneliness) in me.
Excellent perceptive on loneliness!
not at all
What a great hub with a beautiful and realistic example! As far as anyonre considering you selfish?....ridiculous...more like confident and comportable in your own skin! Thsank you for this greatr perspective!
Sha,
This may have been your hardest to relate to but it may just be my favorite of your perspectives.
There is nothing selfish about you. You have your priorities in check and you appreciate the power that we all have within ourselves in most situations.
You describe our soldiers who are true heroes, taken from those they love. That, in itself, may be the greatest perspective of this subject.
Powerful job...Voted UP and UABI. Love, Maria
When you say "I am alone quite often and frankly, I’m perfectly comfortable with that" you kind of reveal my whole 'Perspectives:' hub to be just a bit daffy. I think we all have touched on the idea that "There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone" - I just kind of went on and on, and on, about it.
I have chosen to be lonely in the past, and then I chose to be alive. It made all the difference in the world.
Well done, Sha, and right on!
A very good description of what loneliness really is. It must be hard for soldiers and their families to have little or no contact with their immediate families on top of all the stress they're already experiencing. voting up!
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