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Positive Change Series: Your Life Is Your Reflection

Updated on December 30, 2014
Allow the butterfly within to be nurtured as the caterpillar withers away as its season is passing.
Allow the butterfly within to be nurtured as the caterpillar withers away as its season is passing. | Source

All right, here is a disclaimer. This is the part of the series where things get real – real tough. Not to be discouraged, change takes time and it takes guts.

Think of the life of a butterfly. The early days are spent in the body of a squishy, unattractive slinky body that quite possibly is a bit too hairy for your likings. But no worries, in the perfect amount of time the butterfly emerges delicately from the cocoon and flies off into the sunset as a beautiful creature none could ever imagine. As a human, our transformations are not as sensual but none-the-less extraordinary and worthy of noticing. It is time to reflect on the days of the slinky worm we once were, maybe even hairy. Now decide what attributes were represented within that worm that we are leaving behind.

What You Put Into The World Becomes You

Choices in life have effectively created the creature before your eyes. And in fact before the eyes of others. An essential part of who we are emerges from what comes from our hearts and eventually out of our mouths. When thinking about yourself, it is best to think about others. It is true we are better critics of others than of ourselves. So make a list or think intuitively about the attributes you dislike in others. What does your spouse, mother, sibling, co-worker or friend do that really makes the hair on your arms stand on end? Well I hate to say it, but those are the things that you commonly dislike about yourself. It may not be with the same mannerisms or intent but the underlying meanings are similar.

For example, your mother is constantly gossiping about others and only recognizes the negatives of life. Evaluate why that irks you. What emotions does this behavior evoke? How do you feel when you engage with that activity? Does this behavior demonstrate who you are or want to be? By knowing, the what, why and how of any behavior one can begin planning a change.

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For more information about mental health wellness and how to improve yourself please visit me at:

Finding A Better You: How to Positively Build The Person You Were Meant To Be.

Evaluate How You See Yourself

A complete piggyback of the previous section. One cannot begin changing without evaluating how they seem the self. I am not talking about how you look when you try a new lipstick or a new suit; I am referring to what is on the inside. I purposefully mentioned the facade of a person as many times when you are walking around with turmoil and ugliness inside the logical counter is to focus on the presentation of the exterior. However, focusing on the exterior is only temporary and does not solve any true problems with self-esteem. So the only work mentioned in this series relies on fixing the core self.

Evaluate How Others See You

As a very vague measure use the opinion of others to evaluate your heart and personality. This section comes with extreme cautions. I caution you to rely on others that have like minds, interests and beliefs. Also rely on those that have a positive outlook in life. You would never ask the old grumpy fart that has never enjoyed the light of the sun what he thinks about the early morning glistening rays that sneak through the cracks of your window shades as you try sleeping in on a Saturday morning.

Yet do not totally disregard those people as they have a keen eye for what needs improvement and often bold enough to share their opinion. So in time of need when you are looking to improve, yes those people will give you the uncut version. But if you are searching for support and compassion from where you have come, they will not stroke your ego in the way you are seeking.


Take the Challenge (Writing Challenge)

I challenge you all to write a hub that describes you using one word. Describe how you came upon this word that defines who you are and the meaning that the word has in your life. My mini sample is to the left. In the comments section feel free to attach a link to your own hub so others can enjoy. This challenge is a great way to rid the pesky internal critics and just go for it.

Using One Word What Best Describes Who You Are

As I was thinking about this particular section, this randomly came to mind, but felt it would be fun and insightful. Identifying oneself can truly help to set a firm foundation as well as establishing a perspective. Be sure to not fool yourself in a delusional sense. Even if the word is negative or hurtful, claim it. However, don’t be fooled or go out and tattoo the word on your forehead. This is a merely a symbol to aid in identifying a milestone or a desired path change.

As you change your thoughts, perceptions and behaviors one is also likely to change this word or phrase. Hence the reason I advised against the tattoo. This word or phase is meant to be a marker of who you currently are and a way to easily track your transition.

For example, my word has been pretty constant throughout my life and one that I really honor, still no tattoo. I would claim the word “perseverance” in my own life. I have worlds of trauma, horror and adversities but I do not know the words, “no” or “I can’t.” Whether the results were positive or a complete fail I persevered through it all. I do not see this changing for me as I take great pride in my life challenges. Though claiming this word was not easy, immediate or chosen at the beginning of my transformation. I walked around many years unconsciously wondering this world that never went right but through hard work I stumbled upon my true calling and meaning for life. Now I realize that I can get through anything and live with joy while I’m doing it.

Looking Back At Your Character

Reflect on life thus far, does that picture depict you well. Likely not, if you are reading through this in its entirety there are tweaks to be made. So from here on out, get in control of whom you really are and not what others or your internal critic tricks you to believing. Do not trash all those years of distress and aimless wonder. Use it as a blueprint. All experiences are valuable and can be used in the future for either redo’s or never-do’s.

Create the legacy only fit for you and one that is handmade. There is no place for critics here. Reach to the moon and higher if you dream it so. Limitations are those you place upon yourself. So pull out the red carpet and take a strut. No one but you has to believe your dreams. As long as you believe it, it can happen.

A new legacy is just the formula needed to show you and others that change is possible and that it did occur. Like a football game that blows your mind, be the tale of two halves. As you challenge yourself, you are the only person who matters. When changes begin to occur those in your life will have no choice but to recognize what has occurred right in front of their eyes.

Be the joy that you want to see in others. The aforementioned statement is one that will drive you forward and lead you searching for a better you. Do not ignore that change is difficult, though embrace the challenge and always prepare for the good in whatever the endeavor. Always look forward as there is no joy in past what ifs or should haves but the joy is illuminated in the here and now and what the moment may contain.


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    • mdscoggins profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Scoggins 

      3 years ago from Fresno, CA

      Thank you again poetryman for another comment. I hope that my words can be a vessel for those that seek change. It is true that changing the self is truly difficult but a much easier task than tackling the world :)

    • poetryman6969 profile image


      3 years ago

      You have some very interesting ideas here. I think you have a process that is worth considering as one casts about for the way of personal growth and development. You cannot change the world without changing yourself. If you change yourself, you may not need to change the world.

      Be blessed.

    • mdscoggins profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Scoggins 

      4 years ago from Fresno, CA

      Thanks Dora for the comment and thanks for sharing. Have a splendid day:)

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      4 years ago from The Caribbean

      This article is good; it needs a second slower read to benefit from all the therapy it offers. How others see me is the part I really want to spend time on. Voted Up and Useful and more.

    • mdscoggins profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Scoggins 

      4 years ago from Fresno, CA

      Thank you Catherine for the comment. I am glad that you can take something from this and apply it to your life. During this time of year it is really easy to be cranky since it is so demanding and fast pace. But with the new year arriving it is a great time to reflect. Find joy in your day :)

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 

      4 years ago from Orlando Florida

      Very good advice on self-reflection--it is something we probably all need to do more. I liked "be the joy you want to see in others." I find myself being cranky quite a bit lately. I must focus on your word "persevere" and be more mindful so as to be the joy I want to see in others.

    • mdscoggins profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Scoggins 

      4 years ago from Fresno, CA

      Thank you Iris for the comment. Yes using others as a way to see yourself is great granted that you rely on the right people. I love the idea of a quote board, I have one that I made at work and I use my quotes from my website to post each week for others to see. I even print out tabs with the quote printed so those that walk by my door can grab one. I love the idea of posting your descriptive word to remind yourself of where you have been and where you are going :)

    • Iris Draak profile image

      Cristen Iris 

      4 years ago from Boise, Idaho

      The whole article is great, but I particularly liked the section "Evaluate How Others See You". And I love the one word description idea and that you acknowledged that it changes. For the moment, mine is "teachable".

      As I was reading this I thought of the gift my children gave us for Christmas. It's a framed board that we can pin notes and quotes to. I've written my word down and I'm going to hang it on that board. Thank you for the excellent advice and encouragement.

    • mdscoggins profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Scoggins 

      4 years ago from Fresno, CA

      Well Bill I wait patiently on my heels for your descriptive word. Have a Happy New Year and hope we all have words that flow over in the new year.

    • mdscoggins profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Scoggins 

      4 years ago from Fresno, CA

      Thanks Janis for the kind words and I hope this piece helps kick off your New Year. Have a happy and safe one as you bring it in.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Describe my life in a hub using one word? Wow! Talk about a challenge. I'll try to do that next week. As for this hub, right on as always. I enjoy your thoughts and I look forward to many more in 2015. Happy New Year, Michelle.

    • janshares profile image

      Janis Leslie Evans 

      4 years ago from Washington, DC

      Excellent offering, mdscoggins. Very well written, as usual :) This is a great way to start off the new year with self-reflection and introspection. I particularly like the section on "Evaluate How Others See You." You're one of the best, voted up, useful, and awesome.

    • mdscoggins profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Scoggins 

      4 years ago from Fresno, CA

      Thanks Thelma for visiting and for the comment. Happy New Year too you as well, lets be optimistic about what the year has in store.

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 

      4 years ago from Germany and Philippines

      Wow! This is a very inspiring hub that I have read today.I agree with you. Have a nice day! Happy New Year 2015 in advance!

    • mdscoggins profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Scoggins 

      4 years ago from Fresno, CA

      Thank you Eddy for the comment. There are other parts to this series that are represented in the right column. Glad that my work appeals to you :)

    • Eiddwen profile image


      4 years ago from Wales

      Very interesting and your obvious hard work has certainly paid off here. I now look forward to reading many more by you.



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