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It's Over - Ending a Relationship with a Narcissist

Updated on June 16, 2011
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It's Over - Ending a Relationship with a Narcissist

When the two of you were first together, you happily tried to fix him - to fill the emptiness and void that filled your partner. His neediness seemed cute, even endearing at times, and you felt special that he picked you to fulfill his needs. You felt valuable, heroic, and needed. Yet, now you feel agonized and empty inside. After the million and first time breaking up, you are confused at how he could ever have left you after needing you so much. You are afraid he will call because you will once again be sucked back into a relationship in which you put up with entirely too much unacceptable behavior.

Narcissists are preoccupied with themselves, their egos, their own needs and wants, and fulfilling their own desires and demands at the expense of others, which in this case was you. He bullied you down to having little to no self-esteem left, and now without him, you are as distraught as ever. In all seriousness though, does any woman deserve to be put through what you were put through for however many months, years, or even decades? The reason the relationship most likely ended is because extreme narcissists tend to eventually emotionally isolate themselves from others. Your partner became so self-absorbed in himself, there was not any room left for you in his own egotistical world.

There is no use in blaming yourself at this point. Your focus now should be on how not to get sucked back into a relationship with such a narcissistic person. The relationship at some point turned toxic and pulling yourself down repeatedly by being with this man is no more an option for you. In order to move beyond blame and begin the healing process, there are several beleifs in which you should beware in order not to get sucked back into the relationship.

These crucial, yet misleading beliefs that will have you swallowed whole in minutes are as follows:

1. Believing that this man holds the key to your happiness

You may still be hanging on the belief that your ex-man made you happy and filled you with joy, yet the grim truth is he most certainly does not. You have instilled this man with special powers that do not exist. It was only in the beginning of the relationship that needs were being met, and most likely these were only his needs anyway.

2. Believing that because you caused all the problems in the relationship, you can fix all the problems

You obviously did your best to be and to do what your partner wanted, but this was impossible because his needs and wants changed on a daily basis. Your partner subconsciously projected his own self-hate and worthlessness onto you, and therefore, lowered your own self-esteem. The only thing you should be fixing at this point is your self-esteem and other self-injured areas affected by your ex-partner.

3. Clinging to every word that was said

In the past and throughout the relationship, you and your ex have declared your love for one another and sang praises for each other many times. However, the difference between your words of love and his are that narcissistic people tend to build their partners up on a pedestal before knocking them back down. You must let go of the words, because no "I love you" holds meaning when its counter-action is meaningless.

4. Believing that love can prevail over everything

It is sometimes hard to separate true love from relationship addiction. Relationship addiction is when you romanticize the suffering and martyrdom that people put themselves through for a failing relationship, which is so highly popularized in today's society. If the relationship is failing, bail out while you still can. True love may prevail, but what you have does not even come close.

5. Believing that things will return to just the way they used to be

The fantasy world in which the beginning of the relationship was based upon is entirely that - fantasy. Once reality sunk in for you hopefully and regrettably your partner, who realized that you could no longer meet his needs, while he could no longer move onto a healthier and more engaging step of the relationship, things just seemed to fizzle out. Do not hold on to false hopes of things going back to how they were way back when, because chances are, it just is not going to happen.

While those are just a few life saving steps for someone coming fresh out of a relationship with a partner with narcissism, surely they can put you on a much more solid foot forward, rather than taking two steps back. Remember always put number one first - number one being you! And, always take care of your recovering self beforing jumping to aid his. Most likely he does not need you anyway. Oh yeah, you do not need him either. Nonetheless, stay strong and keep your head high. You are so worth it, girl!

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