- Mental Health
Raise your standards
Raise your standards
When I look back a lot of changes have been taken place in my life. Listened radio many hours. I never let one of that weekly Manorajyam and Mangalam (Regional weekly which has full of novels and stories) without reading cover to cover. I was an addict of such erotic and giggling stories and novels. Then I was waiting for the next issue of the weekly. I put off my studies to red novels and magazines. I red news paper as much as I can. My interest were in those things which will not put stress in my brain. I have to put more focus and attention to studies, that is why I hate doing it. Memorizing equations and phrases, I hate to do. Listening music, sitting idle and day dreaming become my hobby and habit.
About my self
Falling in exams were my constant companion and I used to it. The thought of "I am not good at studies" ruled my brain. I hate my text books. I tried many tricks to get more marks, in class exam by writing twice the answers which I am sure of, one in the beginning and the other at the middle or end. I fooled my teacher few times, but caught one day. Due to the pressure of parents, I went to school every day. I loved Saturday's and Sunday's. I spent a lot of time with my friends in the river swimming and playing. We had fun in the water as well as in the field. I remember the phrase where Bible says about Israelites who were in the desert. Bible says that "they sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in revelry". I was that and that was my life.
My parents sent me to extra tuition. Tuition teacher tried her level best to teach me. Many times I took decision to study well. But failed to keep my promise. My mother woke me up early morning at 4.00 am to study, but while I looking at my text book, I was dreaming about girls. I was in a fantasy world. Full of dreams and imaginations. Not ordinary dreams, but wild dreams. Not constructive dreams, but destructive dreams. In my erotic thoughts all the ladies come including my teacher, and aunts and the ladies around our locality. That was true me.
Looking back to those days, now I realize that I was wrong. I could have put more efforts to do my studies and get a good grade and go for higher studies and could have get a degree. But I failed to do so. Then I went to another town for employment. I got a job as a office boy in a travel agency. My duty was to bring tickets and deliver it to customers. Doing photocopies and all other odd jobs. I was not good at my attitude. Even though I was working there, I was dreaming about girls. A strange life. I was addicted to the behavior of looking at girls with wrong intention. I was shy to look at the face of people. Not open to people. Because I am afraid that if I open my mouth, everyone would know about me. I was leading a pathetic life.
Stealing eatables, from wherever I get a chance, was my habit. In my home I used to do that. I stole money from my mother and father. Stealing fruits from others yard was my habit.
I was in a wrong relationship with a widow. I was trusting her and living with her. But one day I found her with another man. I couldn't sleep that night till the morning. That was the horrible night I ever had in my life. I was staling money as well as things from the place were I worked. One day I caught and dismissed from my job. It was a turning point in my life. Then I struggled to get a job. Did part time data entry job in the night. I realized the value of education. Also the value of leading a just and righteous life. Now I have decent job and a good family.
Now I realize that success will not come to lazy, unethical or unjust people. Those people will stay where they are. No growth. No change. No hope. No happiness. Only uncertainty and unhappiness. You could not expect a better life. Better future or better end.
When I realize that I am a total failure, I decided to change. There are many people who supported me to change. People at Church. People at office. And the Internet and self help books and many motivating websites. Then I studied short hand and typewriting to get a good position. I spent many hours in typing and learning shorthand. I changed jobs many times. I completed my graduation in first division.
I notice a shift in my behavior now. Now I fear God. Now I know if I take a pencil of Rs.1 from office, God will take Rs.10 from me by other way. Stealing business is a loss making business. If I travel without ticket, there are chances to get caught and pay 10 times more as fine. God has many ways to take out money from me if I gain some money unjustly. It could be getting sick, or loosing valuable items and He has an endless way to compensate the money value. I found over the years that staling is a loss making business and put an end to it.
I am not saying that I am pure and holy now. I am not pure. I am not holy. There are many areas in my life that needs to be changed. I am ashamed of my way of life. I want to change. I want to live a good life.
If you really want to change, one of the best and foremost thing is to set the highest standard for your life. Whatever you do, do it with passion. Set higher standards for your work, family, office, business, studies and whatever you do. For example, if you are doing business, set that you want to become the best business man on the world.
I know, if I were not gone through all that odd things, I would not be able to tell you the need of a changed life. Thank God for allowing me go through all the odd situations.