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Releasing Your Anger the Healthy Way

Updated on May 10, 2016

Holding Onto Anger

So, you are a nice person and don't like to escalate issues at work or at home but you sure do seem to have a lot of anger brewing underneath that hard exterior you call self control. Feeling like a doormat and within your darkest fantasies before sleep you imagine an evening donning a hockey mask and a machete and going about a little cleaning up around camp like that 'oh so famous' 1980's serial killed. You probably never really confront what is eating at you except in your deepest imaginations before sleep, but then, every morning you get right back to it and face the same kind of people and situations that are causing your nighttime imaginations to create a bond of understanding between you and Jason Vorhees.

Don't worry, you are not alone. There are thousands upon thousands of people just like you and there is nothing quite as liberating as learning how to release anger in a healthy way. Maybe it is just a sarcastic response or maybe just maybe you don't even need to deal with whoever or whatever it is that is pissing you off consistently. Yes, maybe there are better and much more fun ways of dealing with that teapot of anger that is just moments away from blowing its steam whistle to say, "Enough is enough!".

Nice people don't have to finish last anymore. When you have self control enough to remain silent in the face of absolute disrespect, it simply means that you are the better person but the better person should never hold onto all that anger because holding onto it will eventually turn you into what you find so repulsive about the world around you. Holding onto anger will eventually turn you into one of those crappy people that have brought you to your boiling point to begin with.

What Kind of Person Are You?

When facing something that makes you angry, how do you deal with it?

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The Extremes of Anger Management

There are so many seemingly small events in life that boils us up inside that I couldn't possibly list them all.Whether it is a careless cutoff in traffic or a complete lack of respect from a cashier as they throw your change at you and turn their backs to continue an obnoxious cell phone conversation, we all experience some form of anger and we all deal with it in different ways.

It is believed by a lot of men and women that doing nothing and saying nothing is the healthiest way to deal with anger. It is common to believe that we should react in the complete opposite way of what we have viewed as extreme responses by others. From raising a voice to the more violent punch in the nose, we have been taught from early childhood that we should never respond to such circumstances with that kind of brute force. Our parents wanted polite and kind children that were viewed as quiet and submissive. Our parents wanted us to be seen as well behaved and tolerant. We were, after-all, representing our parents' parental skills.

The purpose of this article is to discuss a healthy release of anger and I am here to tell you that throughout my educational career (an education that incorporated massive amounts of psychology) that neither an aggressive response nor a completely passive response toward issues that anger us is at all healthy for our emotional and mental well being.

How do unhealthy minded people deal with anger?

There are several ways in which a healthy minded person approaches anger. These habits are taught from early childhood and fall directly between the passive and the aggressive reactionary flaws of the majority of our population. There is not anything positive about either extreme of the spectrum when dealing with things that one has a right to be angry about. Remaining silent and holding onto the anger ends up hurting the person who stores it like a poisonous liquid that will eventually spill over and do its damage to the passive person's psyche. There is a quicker acting poison for the aggressive character. Not only could one end up in jail very quickly by clawing out someone's eyes but it is also true that the nervous system isn't designed for sudden outbursts of unbridled anger..

The damage to the over reactor is instantaneous. The damage to the under reactor can lead to becoming an over reactor during a slow and agonizing course of self-doubt, depression and lack of confidence. The final destination is the sudden outburst and total over reaction that is termed a nervous breakdown.

Healthy minded men and women have formed habits that allow for them to calculate reaction and deal with anger the moment that it becomes evident to them. They do not allow themselves to react immediately. They take their time but they do indeed react to it and deal with it.

Learning how to deal with anger isn't as easy as it might seem.
Learning how to deal with anger isn't as easy as it might seem.

The Rules of Healthy Anger Release

The healthiest minded personality type is the assertive character type. They are kind and soft spoken, yet show confidence and deal with their anger in a healthy manner. The assertive archetype follows an eight rule system when confronting a circumstance that angers them, frustrates them and seems to stick around for far too long.

  1. Stop and Think - understanding that the moment is heated, the healthy minded will pause and allow their brains to catch up to the situation and they will analyze the situation from all perspectives. If it is another human being, the healthy minded person will also allow the other person this time of silent introspection and quiet calm.
  2. Calmly Express That You Are Angry - "I am pissed off because..." - the healthy minded individual will not raise their voice or make an intimidating push forward. The assertive man or woman simply expresses the point that they have been angered and they will calmly explain why and how they have been angered. They will then express in the same manner how a remedy for their anger can be achieved. (this sometimes solves the problem but sometimes it does not. The point is that confronting the issue is much better than harboring the anger and feeling ran over top of after the fact)
  3. Exercise and Sports - As stated above, confronting something that angers you doesn't always resolve the issue and the anger remains. Though confronting what makes you angry in a calm and non-intimidating way does help, the healthy minded person will go home and punch a punching bag or take their .357 to the shooting range and get some target practice in. The healthy minded person will put their anger to good use by weightlifting or a game of baseball with their kids. Exercise and the aforementioned activities are renowned for their stress relieving effects.
  4. Just Stop and Reflect - Sometimes the things that make us angry can't be confronted. A timeout is a healthy way to quiet the mind and reflect upon what it is making you feel angry. Quiet time can do wonders to aid the mind and emotional state, especially if the anger is from a situation at work or in a crowded location. Just take a timeout.
  5. Find Solutions - Don't just focus on who or what made you mad and keep recanting the same tale to every person in your family and friend circle. Think of solutions. Think of ways to solve the issue. Focusing too much on the act or acts that made you angry just adds more heat under your teapot.
  6. Use "I" A lot - "I am mad because you left your wet towel on the bathroom floor." Use I statements rather than you statements. "You never cleanup after yourself." Placing blame has a tendency to escalate situations. Using I statements shows more respect and consideration for the feelings of the other person and are far more likely to have positive results.
  7. Grudges Are Bad - Don't allow negativity to sit inside you for long periods of time. The only person harmed by holding a grudge is the person holding the grudge.Negativity is a rabbit and as we all know, rabbits multiply like...well... like rabbits. If you allow one ounce of negativity, such as a grudge, that negativity will multiply exponentially until it swallows the person entirely and turns that person into a cauldron of hate.

8. Releasing Anger with Humor

There is nothing more powerful than laughter. Laughter can heal broken hearts or make a serious illness seem as insignificant as a stubbed toe. The power of laughter has no bounds and when it comes to releasing anger, this is the purest and most powerful tool that a healthy minded person has in their arsenal of anger management weapons.

The Swear Word Adult Coloring Book is just the medicine for the adult who is looking for some quiet time and laughter. I love all of the products in this category of anger management and keep them stocked for those times when words just cannot solve the amount of anger and frustration I am dealing with,

When it is time to shut up and collect my thoughts and have myself a little timeout, I pick up my Hilarious Sweary Coloring Book for Fun and Stress Relief and go to my bedroom and start coloring and eventually, my mood shifts and I find myself laughing at the zany mixture of adult words and how pretty my coloring job has made the designs around the groups of words that would make a first year sailor blush.

I highly recommend this book and the many others that inspire laughter and alone time. The line of Releasing Anger with humor books is very large because it is a trie and true method of anger and stress relief. It may seem ridiculously easy, but it is 100% effective and is an immense help when trying to turn your stormy skies blue again.

Laughter is nature's best anger management.
Laughter is nature's best anger management.

Humor Is Anger's Enemy

Anger Management

One of the funniest films on the subject stars Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson. In fact, I'd suggest when the anger bug bites, that watching a funny movie or reading a funny book is one of the most advisable ways of dealing with it and getting rid of it quickly.

The scene to the right shows exactly how stored anger will eventually erupt but the scene is one of the funniest scenes ever filmed. Next time you are frustrated or downright angry, come back and visit this scene one again and see if it doesn't help you cool your heels.

Facts About Anger Management

  1. Don't be too passive.
  2. Don't be too aggressive.
  3. Think, don't react too quickly.
  4. Don't attack the situation. Calmly state your position.
  5. Exercise.
  6. Use "I" when confronting the circumstance.
  7. Spend time alone.
  8. Learn to laugh.

Anger builds up if we bottle it up and eventually causes problems.
Anger builds up if we bottle it up and eventually causes problems.

Release That Anger

No matter who you were taught to be while growing up, there is no reason why you should have to remain too passive or too aggressive when it comes to dealing with your inner anger. Everyone will have there own ways of expressing themselves and everyone might have different perspectives. What makes you angry might be something that another person sees as perfectly normal behavior. When confronting such things, there simply will never be a resolution.

When a person has a terrible day and no resolution comes to their anger, they must deal with it in a healthy way. Bottling up anger just leads to more resentment and more anger, but dealing with it in these healthy ways will lighten the load everyone carries and make life a lot more pleasant.

Learn to laugh and you will live longer and your life will be much brighter than the person who holds onto the negative. Watch a movie. Color in a funny coloring book. Listen to music or go outside and target practice with your rifle. It really doesn't matter how you deal with anger, it only matters that you are willing to deal with it in a healthy way.

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    • JRScarbrough profile image
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      JR Scarbrough MFA 18 months ago from United States

      It's hilarious. It is better than going around saying it out loud but has a therapeutic effect just seeing the worda lol.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 18 months ago from USA

      I've learned to compartmentalizations pretty well so that I can let it out at an appropriate time and manner. I love the adult swear word coloring book idea.

    • JRScarbrough profile image
      Author

      JR Scarbrough MFA 18 months ago from United States

      Exactly. Of course we have all been there at one time or another but learning how we as induviduals deal best with it is an act of maturity I believe. It comes with experience.

      These are just some ways I have learned to calm myself and make my load weigh less.

      thanks MsDora.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 18 months ago from The Caribbean

      Good advice on positive ways to release anger. Bottling it up or pretending it is not there can cause a damaging explosion.

    • JRScarbrough profile image
      Author

      JR Scarbrough MFA 18 months ago from United States

      I'm so glad you've come and openes up with the reality of being a human being. So many peopke are like you used to be but don't even realize the damge they're doing to themselves. It is so sad to me when I see this in someone and try so hard to get them to start dealing with the real emotion they're having but gets masked over by sadness, anger or whatever.

      We can really lose ourselves in masks. We forget even what emotion it us that we are feeling. We just stuff these things deep and they come out one way or the other as you have found out in your own life.

      Thank you for being so open. That tells me that you truly have recovered and are learning how to be truthful to yourself and others and that is the most therapeutic act one can perform.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 18 months ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      I used to one of those people who bottles their feelings up, and then explodes later. It was not pretty, and I instilled fear into my family members. After having been diagnosed with depression later in life, I found out that both problems are from not dealing with unrecognized negative emotions. I used to have only two emotions, anger and sadness. Now, I am able to recognize disappointment, discouragement, distrust, and many others that before, only fueled my anger and depression. It is very liberating to express these emotions when they occur, and not have to carry around that bag of stuffed emotions, only to have it burst all over everyone later!

    • JRScarbrough profile image
      Author

      JR Scarbrough MFA 18 months ago from United States

      That's a great way to use that energy. I know so many people who brew instead of putting it to use in a positive way. I workout daily and I take every ounce of anger and frustration and put it to use with weights and also in writing. I find sarcasm to be therapeutic and use FB and such to just let my wit fly.

      However we deal with it. It has to be done in a positive way or it will eat us up.

      Thanks for reading.

    • DreamerMeg profile image

      DreamerMeg 18 months ago from Northern Ireland

      Very useful. I like the exercise route. I remember one day a negotiation was going badly and dragged long after normal work hours. It got pretty heated. But I had an exercise class that evening and got one of the best workouts ever! :)