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Resolving real problems is not a dime store trick

Updated on November 22, 2013

Problems are like sunset and sunset

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Think back on the last big problem that your family faced. Financial, Divorce, Illness, Legal Problems, Government action, IRS, Cars, Teenagers in Trouble. How

Problems are common. Damage from them is constant. A financial problem can cause a health problem. A health problem can cause financial problems. Work/employment problems cans cause marital problems. No one came with a manual as to how to solve or resolve problems. Hopefully most people learned how to deal with problems as they grew up.

But guess what many people did not learn how to deal with problems. Our parenting skills often either leave no guidance or in fact over protect children so problem solution finding is not a learned skill. Now add that issue with the fact that so many younger people come from one parent homes. And now add to that that our schools do not teach practical finance. And add to that that there is no education in public schools dealing with matters like the Law and Insurance and conflict resolution. And then add to that that there is plenty of bad advice everywhere you look.

Volcanoes are natural

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The problem with resolving problems for a living.

The problem with resolving problems for a living.

Think back on the last big problem that your family faced. Financial, Divorce, Illness, Legal Problems, Government action, IRS, Cars, Teenagers in Trouble. How would you like to solve them for a living? Here is a man that does just that for others.

Problems are common. Damage from them is constant. A financial problem can cause a health problem. A health problem can cause financial problems. Work/employment problems cans cause marital problems. No one came with a manual as to how to solve or resolve problems. Hopefully most people learned how to deal with problems as they grew up.

But guess what many people did not learn how to deal with problems. Our parenting skills often either leave no guidance or in fact over protect children so problem solution finding is not a learned skill. Now add that issue with the fact that so many younger people come from one parent homes. And now add to that that our schools do not teach practical finance. And add to that that there is no education in public schools dealing with matters like the Law and Insurance and conflict resolution. And then add to that that there is plenty of bad advice everywhere you look.


Does rain fog your view?

The destructive force of conflict over problems

Most USA households run into problems a few times every ten years or so. It is just a natural fact. Many households just blow through the problems and move on. However many do not. Here is the first major stumbling block to working through a problem. Communication lines get cut. One member likes to fret and become somewhat consumed by the problem. The other likes to compartmentalize and deal when time to deal. That really should be no big deal. But it becomes one. The one partner cannot think of other things and so mentions the problem constantly. Sooner or later our compartmentalizer shuts out the communicator. And now whatever problem that is being faced has just escalated into a personal and emotional problem, further escalating lack of communication.

The communication problem escalates. Within a few short weeks the communication problem becomes worse because it infiltrates into support relationships. The one who shuts down shuts down all over. The one who communicates now really bugs others who will shut down. So now we have isolation upon isolation and that turns into a defensive denial.

Notice with all you just read the “problem” is not even being addressed any more. And you guessed it, the worst things to do with a problem is to avoid or ignore it.

Sometimes these folks just lose it all. I promise you this scenario leads to divorce and bankruptcy more that any problem ever has. Think of that, it is not the problem that destroys but our inability to deal with it that destroys.

I think you can conquer anything, you can my friend!

Can you step outside yourself and be a victor and not a victim?

See results

We begin from nothing more than what is in this photo.

No your components
No your components | Source

Enter the Problem Resolution Expert.

This is a job for a superhero not an ordinary man. The first thing the man has to do is enter the “relationship” and gain trust from two warring factions at the same time. That requires that the man enter into the relationship problem first. That is near suicide.

So the call comes in at 1pm, a friend has heard enough and knows the man and tells his friend to call this man now. Within minutes there is a monologue. The man is experienced enough to get up, turn on computer and not even wait but start writing/jogging down notes. The monologue is rambling, nearly incoherent, and almost always in a late night monotone because it has been repeated one hundred times with no one really listening. And guess what, the problem is no longer what the problem really is but now the other partner.

The experienced man listens for nearly 25 minutes. That is his first job. From his notes he responds in some detail letting the caller know that he knows and understands the problem. Then the man begins to ask pointed questions. Gets the caller to get paper and pen. And begins to give a plan of action. And helps the caller organize it into a list. The list is done the phone call for mid day, next day is confirmed.

No more drinking is given as an order. Along with no more anything like that. Important to note that the command probably cannot and really should not be followed yet. The idea from the man is to gain a promise which will be broken and the forgiveness of such will begin a moral leverage to get the caller to compromise for he is not perfect either. The caller is relieved, he has a plan, finally, he is moving forward in a good positive fashion and will kick some butt. The caller gets the first good hours of sleep in weeks.

The man begins the work of building profiles of the clients. And he starts a project outline with whatever the problem is. And though he has taken on a huge role to save a family and resolve a family he goes gently back to sleep.

Can you carry the load and burden of disaster.

Victory just has different stripes but is the same animal.
Victory just has different stripes but is the same animal. | Source

Now imagine the man. That is what he does for a living or perhaps in order to live.

We like to run from problems. We love to blame others. We like to avoid confrontations. That is good and peaceful. But too often we must confront issues that we do in fact put off and it has ruinous effects. Our natural instinct is not to run into a burning building but away from it. Conflict can eat a hole inside your gut quite literally – it is called an ulcer. Conflict can cause the separation of those who were once joined and in union. No matter it scars the soul, mind and even bodies of those exposed to real problems and conflict.

So what kind of man engages that on a routine basis. Clearly just because he is 3rd party does not immunize him from the harmful effects of an out of control fire. Nothing does. But here is a secret that the man learned years ago.

The secret of problems is not what you think.

Here is a strange truth. The man was, for lack of other words, afflicted by a disease. A disease that made him feel well or bad from the inside out. Horrible condition that drastically changed his moods and abilities on the chance of any given day. He learned that health and goodness was an inside job. A disease that is often deadly taught him that outside influences were not the controlling factor in his wellness. It was his insides that controlled (at that time) his condition. A great effort to master those insides was undertaken. I mean a 24/7 fulltime effort to understand and even control the inside. So that five years later his inside and outside no longer controlled his well being. He did.

Ego and faith kind of had to get booted out. They had to get the big stick. But they were not considered evil they just were considered next in line. Once the man had control of self the ego and faith were invited back in. As kind of buddies without a controlling share in the soul.

The man felt everything deeply. Yet he was able to let nothing harm or scar him. A hand into the fire of the hell of another no longer scorched his own arm.

The man was satisfied for this peace. But knew it meant the field work was before him.

And so the man could handle a hot flame caused by man without getting burned.

Let me wrap up with this.

The man cries each day. If not for you but for someone like you. There are such men. They may not ever be well. But their sickness allows them to know and love yours without scar or travesty.

I would never be such a man. Think of the loneliness and despair he suffers for others.

A night ago the man got a call from a long time attorney friend who dumped a problem on him. They chatted and the attorney asked "how can you possibly deal with so many problems"?

The answer was silence and then a simple answer "I can not".

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    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thanks Eddy, We got some rain here so I am not quite so envious of your beautiful pictures of greenery, I'll drop by for some tea.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Oh so wonderful Eric.

      Another gem which leaves the reader with much food for thought.

      Voted up.

      Eddy.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you much for reading and the nice comment tillsontitan.

      I promise you there is a man that actually does do not for a living.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      That's a lot of adding Eric but your theory is perfect, "its an inside job". Who esle can we trust? Who else can teach us how to handle adversity? Only ourselves.

      I don't know if any of us can be the man you described and I'm not so sure I'd want to be but walking in the other's mocassins will certainly keep us on the stsraight and narrow.

      Voted up, ueful, and interesting.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Buddy that is so poetic. I had one just today that I had to reread and attempt what you say. It became beautiful instead of just interesting. You are a master.

    • cleaner3 profile image

      cleaner3 4 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

      yea man... some may call your writes preaching.. but to see what you read is in your own mind.. upon closer examination of the expression is

      taking someone's words and letting them penetrate is the process of fulfillment..

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      There is a specialness to people who have lived through the hells of our life and come out better. Brian you bring an uplifting spirit, thank you.

    • Brian Prickril profile image

      Brian Prickril 4 years ago from Savannah, GA

      Eric, several times my life has been demolished to rubble through my own problems/disorders/illnesses...whatever. I'm not sure right now if I'm flat out lucky or extremely blessed, but standing on that war-torn earth I received the Great Secret. And you're right, buddy...it is an inside job!

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Most problems are inside jobs. And Bill you have conquered that nemesis.

      thank you for being a good friend that helps others.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I was trying to think of the last big problem I had, or that we had....seven years ago before I quit drinking. Eric, I am a blessed man. :) Have a great weekend and thanks for the message of truth.