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Season Of Loss

Updated on February 4, 2015
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"Life is not measured by how much one owns.” (Luke 12:15 NCV)

The policeman on the highway flagged my car down the other night. He walked towards me rather menacingly, at least that's what I could make out from the glare of the headlights. He stood beside me and asked me to roll down the window. It was a cold winter night, and the blast of the cold air hit me rather hard. "Your tail lights are off, how long have you been driving like that?" I jumped out of the car and ran towards the rear. What I saw was devastating and I let out a grunt of disbelief. The policeman came near me, took out a gloved hand from his inner pocket and touched my shoulder. "Come on buddy, it is not all that serious. Why are you so distressed?" I let out a moan, "What? Where has the trailer and the mountain bike gone?"


Life Is Filled With Losses

Nothing around us is permanent and forever, because life is filled with losses-the loss of our business, our marriage, our job, our health, and the ultimate truth-loss of the persons we love so dearly and who we hope shall live forever. There are times when we go through seasons filled with grief, seasons when tragedy happens with regular frequency, seasons when everything seems to go wrong for no apparent reason despite our best efforts.

We tend to have this myth about ourselves that we are infallible. However, life is not always fair-a fairy tale where angels fly in utter abandon and bless us to live happily ever after. But that is what life is all about. We need to realize that what we get in life is not always what we truly deserve. We believe that goodness begets good tidings and the reverse, that all bad things happen to people who wish or do bad. So when bad things happen to us despite our best efforts at being good to ourselves and others, we tend to disbelieve and lose faith. When bad things happen in our lives which defy any plausible explanation or reason, we need to understand that that is the way things work and is the essence of the cycle of life, that everything is temporary, cyclical, here today and gone tomorrow. Life is incomplete without losses, sometimes sparse, other times in abundance, but omnipresent always with every step that we take.

“Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:8b NLT)

Tragedy is always the precursor to strong emotional outbursts-be it depression, fear, anger, worry or guilt. When we experience these emotions, we really do not know how to deal with them. And if they are not dealt with properly and within a time frame, recovery takes much longer.

There are people who deny grief, and keep their emotions pent up within themselves. They tend to push it down, stuff themselves, and behave as if it doesn't exist. Such people are never at terms with themselves, and struggle lifelong from emotional stress caused by losses even decades back.

So what should we do with our feelings? Well, to begin with, we need to deal with them with a heads-on strategy. We should never try to push it down and repress it, rather try to release our grief. A good way of doing that is to cry to your heart's content. If you believe in someone or something up there, be it the Cosmos, God or some unknown power that is orchestrating everything, cry out to that and say, "Hey, I am hurt, I am down, I am low. It's tough on me." Those who do not do this need to realize that the grief will pour out some time sooner or later, since everything that is pushed down tend to fester and either implode or explode. Those situations are far worse to tackle than a simple immediate outburst of emotion after a tragic event.

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“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”

— ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

How to Grow Through a Season of Loss

So how do we live through and thrive subsequent to a seasons of loss? How do we overcome the hollow inside created by the loss?

1. Mourn the Biblical Way.

The Bible says that there is a time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to grieve and a time to dance. It further says,“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4).

So weeping and grieving is really not child-like. Even Jesus wept. Weeping and mourning loss speeds up the healing process, while suppressing grieving only ensures that recovery is postponed.

2. Invest in Energy and Time.

One needs to invest in healing which consumes quite a bit of energy and time. After suffering losses, pain is sure to follow since it all happens suddenly and catches us off guard. Investing in time and energy is a great way to heal from these inflicted wounds that catch us totally unawares.

3. Recovery from Grief always Occurs on Individualized Basis.

Each of us have our own speed and momentum for recovery. There is really no quick-fix solution to overcoming grief, and we need to know ourselves and our loved ones better to understand how best we or they can overcome grief. While some may take lesser time, others may take far longer. While extroverts try and seek refuge in social interactions, introverts look and seek within themselves to process their feelings.

4. Attitudes can be Guided to Speed up the Process of Healing.

Our attitudes will either prolong or heal our grieving. Though we cannot change our attitude towards life, we can try and take control of them to a large extent. We need to modify our attitude to realize that losses can never devastate us, and that once we overcome our grief, we will jump back into life and then move on with living.

5. Anticipating Complete Recovery.

When life takes a step backwards, we need to remember that for every step back there will be two steps to the front. When a backward step is taken, rather than dwelling on the misery of the step, anticipate the following two steps forward. Thus, any loss is only temporary, for there is a world full of hope and happiness ahead in life.

“It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.”

— ― John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent
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My Personal Season of Loss

When I was a kid, our mother was the anchor of our house. Whenever we would go out on our Sunday trips in the big Dodge station wagon car of ours, we would all sing songs from "The Sound of Music" or contemporary hits from that era. My father would also pitch in with his rich baritone voice that would throw the tune in disarray, but all the same we would laugh, sing and be happy to be together as one whole family.

When I was around twelve years old, my mother passed away. She fought a long and bitter battle against cancer, but could not win it at the end. I still remember the evenings when she would pace around the house with her upper teeth biting her lower lips hard to control the pain of cancer gnawing away her insides. Those earlier days of reckless fun were no longer there after she went. My father turned grim and introspective and took refuge in religion, while my sisters went away to different cities either after marriage or to pursue further studies. That left me, my elder sister and my father alone in the house. The songs were gone, those Sunday drives never took place again, and we started simply 'getting along' in life and growing up and getting older.

After a few years, the whole family came together once again celebrating the birth of the first child of my eldest sister. We got talking about how great it would be to have mom around, and after some time all of us got singing "Do Re Me" from Sound of Music, including my dad in his voice that was no longer baritone as before. By the time we got into the second part of the song, all of us were weeping and by the third part were crying out loud with tears running down in cascades. The song got over, we then got into other songs that we all sung together once, and after some time all of us started feeling much better.

We knew then that we had overcome, that life had taken its own course and healed us to a certain extent from the loss that all of us suffered together, though the loss of mom would remain irreplaceable to us children until the very last, only the hurt had mellowed with time.

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”

— ---Rumi

Your Season Of Loss

How Have You Dealt/Will You Deal With Your Own Season of Loss?

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Note From The Author

We all go through a season of loss when tragic events occur one after the other for no apparent reason. At times we feel like giving up and submitting ourselves to the vagary of time, at other times we feel like grasping our lives back and guiding it towards fulfillment and happiness. We are not always successful at such attempts, but it feels good to know that we at least tried.

Thank you for reading this article. I appreciate your opinions, and it would be nice to leave a note for me to understand you better.

Best wishes,


Dipankar Moitra

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    • Dip Mtra profile image
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      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      Thanks Mara. We all will need or have needed this article some time or the other. Whether we are able to follow whatever I have written is a different matter though.

      Thanks again for stopping by. Much appreciated.

    • MonkeyShine75 profile image

      Mara Alexander 2 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      GREAT HUB I Lost my mom when I was ten years old, and I needed something, such as your article at that time. Thank you

      I voted it up

    • Dip Mtra profile image
      Author

      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      We need to be prepared at all times that someone dear to us may part any moment without notice. The worst parting they say is that of a spouse, then a child, then parents, then siblings and the list progresses through friends and other relatives. We can never prepare ourselves for they are sudden and painful, but need to understand that fallen leaves make way for new foliage and the cycle of life carries on this way.

    • Dip Mtra profile image
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      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      Thanks Mana though we are all child like and childish at different times even at this age.

    • profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago

      Thanks Dip.

      About the two English words, yes, you're correct. Much Peace.

    • Dip Mtra profile image
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      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      Thanks Denise for stopping by. I believe we can overcome grief if we are able to deal with it the proper way, but the time required to do that varies from person to person. Time is the greatest healer they say, but no one says how much. I am yet to overcome the death of my father, though that was some 15 years back. Overcoming in the sense that it still hurts somewhere deep inside, though life has moved on.

      Thanks again. I shall follow your hubs henceforth on developing life skills.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 2 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      You are right. If we don't grieve, it comes out later in other ways. My brother drowned at the age of 16. I was only 15 at the time, and could not grieve. It was tough for our family. It wasn't until years later, that I experienced the death of another close relative, that I became physically ill with grief. I realized that I was grieving for my brother as well! When I took steps to deal with my feelings toward his death, I was able to process the other one.

    • Dip Mtra profile image
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      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      Thanks Manatita, again, for reading this hub.

      I quoted from the scriptures because they were good words and in resonance with what I wanted to say. To me God is still unknown, but I do believe that there should be something that is orchestrating everything, be that physics, or anything. I wonder if the earth's revolution would have been any lesser, centrifugal forces would not have kept it in its orbit and it would have collapsed. How did that speed come about? Even Einstein was stumped. Child-like is innocence, childish is being foolhardy, am I right Mana?

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Dip that was a truly brilliant Hub! So well written and an excellent reminder to all that all things are transient, just like the Buddha said.

      Your family story is so great, and I like the fact that the whole family including your dad cried. We are all so fragile! even more reason to love.

      Was it you who said that you're an atheist? you really write like a devotee of the Lord, and you quote great scriptures in some of your work. This is a powerful, motivational and inspirational Hub.

      Just one thing, Bro. 'Child-like is excellent. Did you mean 'childish'?

      My heart goes out to your father. We are all alone eventually, and have to cope or grieve in our own ways. God bless you all.

    • Dip Mtra profile image
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      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      Pray that you can ward off such times as far as possible and hope for a miracle that you never go through any loss of a dear one, at least until you are alive. I know that's asking for the impossible, that there will be loss in our lifetime, so this hub is basically dedicated to getting through those difficult times.

      Thanks Devika for reading the hub.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      A very different approach here and I will definitely need a social life to get me through such times.

    • Dip Mtra profile image
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      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      Thanks Sara for reading the hub. As a medical practitioner yourself, you must be witnessing death quite regularly and the pain and sense of loss people go through with parting. Some cry more, some less, while some are stoic. But grieve everyone does. How best to tackle grief and overcome it is rather individualized, and varies from person to person, but you know better.

      Thanks again Sara.

    • Dip Mtra profile image
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      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      Thanks Ruby for reading this. It's easy to write something but difficult to follow that up with action. I hope I am able to do everything I've written above if tragedy comes calling again, but then only time can tell that. I share your grief at your loss and do hope that you are able to overcome as early as possible. And if you believe in miracles, just keep on hoping that you are blessed with them.

      Thanks again for reading this.

    • lisavanvorst profile image

      Lisa VanVorst 2 years ago from New Jersey

      A very uplifting articles about embrassing optimisim and thinking positively. Avoid the pessmistic attitudes and negativitiy. Well written.

    • Sara Sarwar Riaz profile image

      Sara Sarwar Riaz 2 years ago from Michigan, USA

      I loved reading this article and appreciating your perspective of the coping mechanisms humans adopt in the times of despair and loss. You are very right in stating that grief needs to be dealt with… there's no other way around it. We may zealously convince ourselves of our emotional strength and self sufficiency, but the angst eventually catches up with us and leads to psychological repercussions that are profound and everlasting.

      The loss of a loved one inevitably leaves a void… a void that neither time nor a million tears can fill. But with time, we get accustomed to living with that void. As you rightly said, the hurt eventually mellows.

      Thank you for sharing your own personal experience and shedding light on this sensitive matter. Beautifully written and captivating.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I needed to read this today. I am going through a loss. A dear friend is slowly fading away. I have lost two sisters recently and now my friend. Your story of sadness, then the happiness when you all got together to sing again was uplifting and inspiring. Thank you for sharing. Peace..

    • Dip Mtra profile image
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      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      Thanks Joel. Great to know that you liked it.

    • Dip Mtra profile image
      Author

      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      Thanks Joel. Great to know that you liked it.

    • Joel Diffendarfer profile image

      Joel Diffendarfer 2 years ago from Ft Collins, Colorado

      Great opening! Both the title and the first section got me hooked right away. Yes, in your opening example (not being what I expected), provides an excellent way in which to relate. Great article, well worth sharing and voting up. Thanks, one of my favorites!

    • Phyllis Doyle profile image

      Phyllis Doyle Burns 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

      It is okay, Dip. It may not be featured for awhile yet. The hub I published yesterday took quite some time to be featured. I see no problem with this hub of yours. I did send you an email (to your gmail), please read it asap for further info. You are not doing anything wrong, I did not clarify the image attributions. Please see your gmail.

      Also: eBay, Amazon, and the video are placed nicely and well done.

    • Dip Mtra profile image
      Author

      Dip Mtra 2 years ago from World Citizen

      Thanks Phyllis, but I guess I'm again running into trouble with either the bot or the editorial team at HP since it is nearing six hours now and still not featured.

      I don't know what I am doing wrong.

    • Phyllis Doyle profile image

      Phyllis Doyle Burns 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

      Very good article, Dip. It brought back memories, some leftover grief which needs to come out, and the renewed realization that death is something we all must face in life. This hub is very helpful for those who have lost a loved one and those who some day will.

      The format is pleasing, the text is easy to read and flows nicely in progression. Adding in your own family loss helps readers to know you have experienced the loss and grief yourself, you have been there and have first-hand knowledge on the stages of grieving, which is, as you say, unique to each person.

      Your callout caps with the quotes are a nice touch - and I like the placement of biblical scripture quotes.

      You are learning fast, my new-found friend, and already hitting stellar level. Well done.