Secrets No One Tells You About Life

There have been many times in my life that I look back on and think, "Why didn't anyone tell me this would happen?" I hope sharing some of my big life surprises might help someone be better prepared.

When I was in high school, it was pretty much left to me to decide what I was going to study in college. I really had no idea, so like a lot of 18-year-olds, I just chose something that sounded cool. And thus began a long, arduous process of wasting money on education in careers I would end up jumping out of because I really didn't like them or wasn't good at them. Now that I am older and have found out a little more about myself, I can see that I didn't have much guidance when it came to selecting my area of study and career. There was not enough emphasis on considering your skills and personality type when deciding your life's path. And when thousands of dollars a year are on the line, it's pretty important that you nail it down as soon as possible. Otherwise, you end up like a lot of people I know, in a ton of debt for a degree they don't use. If I could go back in time, I would tell my 18-year-old self to forget what sounded cool and try examining my strengths. If I needed to take a few classes to find out what those were, community college is a great place to start. Much less money down the drain on wasted classes.

When I was pregnant, I heard a lot about how I should go on dates with my husband, enjoy all the sleep I was getting, the birth would be painful and I'd be changing a lot of diapers....all the cliches. What people didn't tell me was that from the moment the child exits your body, attention no longer is on you, but on the child. Don't get me wrong, it should be, but you are going to be physically damaged, exhausted and sent home in that state with the biggest responsibility of your life. At your weakest moment in need of care, you will be taking care of someone else. I had no idea I would be wearing a diaper and Tucks (hemorrhoid pads) the first week of parenthood or that I would barely be able to sit down. Mix that with the demands of a newborn and lack of sleep, and no wonder so many women develop postpartum depression. What motherhood really is, is a journey out of selfishness and into yes, a very fulfilling, but also a very physically, emotionally and all-around challenging life.

People generally know marriage is hard, there will be days you don't like each other, blah blah blah. What people don't recognize is that there is a huge difference between the feelings you have when you first meet someone versus a true love relationship. It doesn't matter who it is, the infatuation feelings will pass. But they can, if allowed to, be replaced by much deeper, more satisfying, exciting feelings of true love. Love takes years to develop and hard work to keep. Ever notice how all the romance movies end at marriage? That's because the movie makers don't know what to do with marriage. It's the infatuation feelings that sell. It's the infatuation feelings that lead people into affairs, then they leave their spouse just to realize the infatuation feelings didn't last with the second person either. Some people spend their whole lives chasing the infatuation feelings thinking that they are really love feelings and when they are gone, they have fallen out of love. Those feelings are fun, but are definitely not feelings to build your life around.

There's accepting who you are, which I am all for, but that doesn't mean you have to live with bad habits you might not realize are dragging you down. I had always just accepted that I was a pessimist. Well, pessimism led me down the road to an anxiety disorder before I realized I had the power to change my own thought patterns. I did not and do not have to accept pessimism as a fact of my life. If you have a bad habit of eating too much, don't just say it's your metabolism (unless it truly is). You do not have to be "the fat guy" or "the fat girl" anymore. It IS possible, with some willpower and encouragement to slim down. Yes, it is hard to break habits, but we shouldn't be defined by them. If something is destructive to your life, it's time to implement change. On the flip side, adding good habits to your life is equally important. There is a great book called "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey which outlines some common habits of successful people.

So what about you? Are there things you wish you had been told sooner? Or had been better prepared for? This is a great topic for other hubbers!!