Self Confidence - How Important Is It For Our Children?....

Self confidence is the ability to believe in yourself. To know that you are as good as anybody else, no matter what anyone else may say. It's about realizing that whilst we are all different, we are all basically the same and that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. That's what makes us human. Having self confidence is when we can look in a mirror and like what we see.

• Confidence is something we develop as we become more comfortable at trying things, regardless of if we are good or bad at them.

• Self confidence is when we are comfortable being ourselves. In which case we have to learn to like ourselves warts and all.

Recently I was listening to the radio when a song was played that I hadn't heard in a while, it was "Greatest Love Of All" by Whitney Houston. It's a song that conjures up strong emotions if you really listen to the words and that's because there is truth in the lyrics.

It is up to us to help our children to feel good about themselves. We should be there to guide them, praise them, encourage them and to catch them if they fall, giving them the inner strength and the self confidence they need to go on to live happy, satisfying lives as adults, not being scared to live their lives the way they choose. It's not an easy job by a long shot, overdo it and you could end up with an overconfident child, which can backfire nastily, making them unpopular and ultimately unhappy.

As with all things in life it's about a healthy balance of praise and reassuring them that it is okay when they don't live up to their own expectations. Life doesn't always go to plan, our expectations aren't always achieved and we will always come up against people who will try to under mine us to boost their own self confidence. We can't change that and it would be wrong to try to shield our children completely from what is an unfortunate fact of life . It is up to us though to give them the self confidence and inner strength to be able to deal with what ever life may throw at them. It is important that we are consistent with our support, so that one day a happy, self confident and well adjusted child will turn into a happy, self confident and well adjusted adult. We can only try!!...

Building self confidence in our children isn't difficult, although as with adults some already have more self confidence than others.

• Encourage them to have ago at something they feel they would like to have a go at, but don't have the confidence to try. Stepping out of our comfort zone every now and then is very character building, it helps us to prove ourselves to ourself. Ask them what they think is the worst thing that could happen? Usually the thing that people fear most is failure, explain to the child that it won't be the end of the world if they did fail, but the chances are they won't. Ask them how good they think it would make them feel to have ago ? Sometimes all it takes is a bit of gentle encouragement. Encourage them to approach what ever it is with a positive attitude. Be careful not to build them up so much that they have unrealistic expectations, that would only damage their self confidence....
• If your child doesn't like their appearance, they may think that their nose is too big or small, or that their ears stick out or that they have freckles or something else that they think is wrong and that we as adults don't see. They probably think the whole world notices what they think are flaws and that they are the only ones who are different - this problem is fed by unrealistic images of celebrities that don't look real - tell them that we don't all come from the same mould and that we are all different, then encourage them to take a long hard look around themselves at the differences in people. Not so as to undermine others, but to help them to realize that everyone is different and it's okay not to be "perfect". Point out their good qualities or features, that always makes people feel good what ever their age and in time if you keep reinforcing these good points, the child will start to focus on their good points. Explain to the child that the photographs of celebrities that they see in magazines have been edited to make them look unrealistic and unnatural and that they've probably gone through costly, dangerous and painful cosmetic surgery procedures to look like that too. You could go as far as finding some sites on the internet showing the complications that can occur from this type of surgery....
• Bullying can happen to any child, it only takes one troublemaker and their posse to make a childs life feel like hell. If they do encounter bullying, then it is important that they tell someone and that it is dealt with immediately and measures be taken to ensure that it never happens again, sadly in the real world it doesn't always happen like that and that's wrong. Bullying is one of the most soul destroying things that could happen to a child, it'll drain any self confidence they have if it's not dealt with and is allowed to go on. Tell your child that it's not them, but the bully who is a pathetic excuse for a human being. Tell them that no matter how the bully makes them feel that it is important for them to try to walk away with their head held high. It's important that the bully thinks that he or she is having little effect. When your child tells you that they are being bullied, please listen and take them seriously, then give them lots and lots of love and reassurance. Knowing that their family or somebody is there for them, will help your child feel good and strong and make life feel a little easier too.
• I think that one of the most important things that we as parents and adults must remember is that children aren't clones of ourselves and that they may have different outlooks and interests than us. They have a lot of learning to do in life and we are here to teach and guide them and not to try to mould them into being something they are not. We must learn to except and love them as they are and for who they are....