- Mental Health»
At Your Best You Are Love
How Can I Love You When I Don't Love Me?
The most important relationship in our lives is the relationship we have with ourselves, because this relationship will determine the success or failure of our current and future relationships. If you are someone who has experienced rejection, abandonment or any type of abuse either in your childhood or a past relationship, these issues have a huge impact on how we relate with others.
They place this fear upon us which causes us to think we are not good enough for love, because love was never given to us and this leaves us feeling empty. If you are constantly empty, then you will constantly look outside of yourself for fulfillment when true fulfillment comes from you putting yourself first and loving you first. If we don’t love ourselves first and accept our flaws and imperfections, we will put this expectation on another individual to love us, but what they give will never be enough because we are missing it within ourselves. The love which we did not receive as a child, causes us to look for someone to fix, save, love and heal us of what we were missing as a child. No one can fix, save or heal us, we are responsible for healing on our own before we enter a relationship. The only person who can give you the love you need is you, and once you have this within you, you can effectively give and receive love reciprocally.
When you play a sport, you attend practices and you discipline yourself to be at your very best for the game. You don’t show up to the game without practicing and expect to win, even when you have practiced you might not always win but you know you gave it your best, because you put in the effort required to win. The same is required if you want to have a successful relationship, you put in time for yourself and with yourself to give someone the best of you. You must be at your best to give your best and if you are always last then you are certainly not be at your best.
Many of us go from one relationship to the next without taking time for ourselves to see what brings out our emotions and feelings of love, happiness, sadness, anger and excitement. We have not taken the time to realize what we love doing the most and what we are most passionate about. When we don’t take the time to do this we will look for this fulfillment from an outside source, but this source is only found within. No one is going to provide you with the happiness and love you desire, until you have found happiness and love within yourself first. If you have not taken the time to love yourself and fill yourself, you cannot give and be of service to anyone because your vessel is empty. I think we have trouble putting ourselves first, because we have been taught that loving ourselves is selfish, and it is better for us to give than to receive. We have this difficulty receiving when others or the universe want to give to us. When we do not receive, we are denying both the person who is giving to us and ourselves the blessing which is meant to come from the giving and the receiving.
Self-Love = Divine Love
When we love ourselves for the imperfect person we are, we can love another imperfect person for who they are. There is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect relationship, because we all have issues we deal with and have gone through. When we genuinely love and accept ourselves, we can love and accept others for who they are. Our perception is our reality, so when we love ourselves completely we can love others completely. Once we begin to love ourselves is when we will begin to see how much our divine creator loves us. From my own personal experience, the more I began to love myself, the more I realized, I am loved and cherished by the divine creator. There are some people who do not believe in God, but I would challenge them and say if you began to practice self-love within yourself you will begin to see and realize, there is a divine universal force at work in our lives. Whether you call this universal force by another name other than God is your preference.
Many people may ask: What is self-love and how can I begin to practice it? Self-love for me was putting myself first and putting my needs first, because as a mother, I would place my children's needs before my own because I thought it was selfish to put my needs first. When we place others needs before our own, we are pouring from an empty vessel and this will cause us to resent or act harshly to those we love, because we are constantly giving and never receiving. Self-love is when you learn to give and receive from yourself and the universe. By taking time for yourself and doing things you enjoy doing and the things you are passionate about, this allows your vessel to be filled. Once your vessel is filled then you have some to pour out onto others. Whether this is your children, your spouse, a significant other, your family, your friends or the people of the world in general. When you love yourself, you can see the beauty in ALL things!! All things include all of God's creation, and our divine creator. I think self-love should be taught in schools and in churches, because our primary purpose on this earth is to share this divine love with others. We can only love others with the love we have been filled with, and when your vessel is full, you are at your best and you are love.
At Your Best
© 2016 Ayonna Suttles