- Mental Health
Self esteem building - how to become successful
Confident personality - it wasn't always there
We need to have a clear picture in our mind
Before we can reach a stage where we regard ourselves as successful we need to have a clear picture in our mind as to what we mean by success. Questions need to be asked of ourselves. What does success mean to me? How will I know if I’ve arrived? What are the ways to get to where I want to be? Will I actually reach at a point in my life where I know I am a success? How do I define it? I need to know what that word really means before I can embark on the journey.
Not always a sudden jump, but a successive realization
There have been a number of definitions. One that comes to mind is” “Success is the progressive realization of a worthwhile ideal.” I first heard this in an Earl Nightingale audio tape way back in the early 1980s. But there is also this warning by the famous American Clergyman, Henry Ward Beecher, who said: “Success is full of promise till men get it; then it is a last year’s nest, from which the bird has flown.”
Progression in public speaking
The journey is the thing
So it would seem that being a success is not something we arrive at but something we move ever towards and that the journey is the thing. Moreover, our idea of being successful needs to be something far bigger than just a grand vision of ourselves. It must be more than an ego thing. Celebrity, glamour in itself is not success. Neither is the amassing of trophies or wealth. These things can be useful to us in our being successful. But they should be regarded as means, tools, and not success itself. They are means to an end.
Young souls and old souls
I am of the opinion that there are old souls and young souls and those who are young in that regard generally handle worldly success badly. You see them buying grown up toys to the point of being ridiculous: a dozen Rolls Royce cars, holiday homes all over the world they visit but for a few days of the year, squandering great wealth on endless parties and social events so that they can ‘feel good’ but never seem to – if one can believe the popular press. On the other hand, the old souls, once their needs are met, usually undertake some major project of a charitable nature. We see them spending the bulk of their wealth on helping others in some way. I suspect that an examination of this second group will reveal, as a general rule, that they are not only much more successful, they are much happier, too.
Tom the Storyteller
We desire to use our talents
Sometimes when we say that we want to be successful, what we really mean that we want to engage in a type life which takes us beyond the humdrum and the mediocre. We want positive involvement. We want to stretch ourselves in our contribution to the Common Weal. We desire to use our talents. We feel that the acclamation and kudos is an indication that we’re on the right track. Provided that acclamation and the kudos which go along with it do not become an addiction, then these can only be regarded as good. They are signs that the world-at-large has given us recognition; hopefully deserved recognition. But unless we give ourselves that acknowledgment by feeling in our hearts that we are successful, we know that despite what the world showers upon us, we are not the person we wish to be. The ‘bird will have flown.’
Lose yourself. The audience is not seeing you but the story
What do you relish doing?
Take stock of where you are right now
First we need to examine our lives and take stock of where we are right now. What are our strengths? What are our inclinations? What do we relish doing? Do our natural gifts and aptitudes line up with where we would like to go? Do they match our aim? Do we need to strengthen some areas of our lives and jettison others? Are certain habits we have helpful or harmful? Is our mind-talk generally positive or negative? In other words, are we undermining and disparaging ourselves by comparing ourselves unfavorably with others? Dr. Maxwell Maltz, in his masterpiece, Psycho-Cybernetics, says that the Success-type personality is made up of certain attributes. Here are some of them.
Be willing to make mistakes
A sense of direction; self-understanding; courage; self-esteem; and self-acceptance. On the first word he says: “Get a goal worth working for. Better still, get yourself a project.” On self-understanding he says: “No one reacts to things as they are but to their own mental images.” So self-understanding must become an important ancillary goal to whatever project we decide to undertake. On that third word, Courage, Dr. Maltz says, “Having a goal and understanding are not enough. You must have the courage to act, for only by actions can goals, desires and beliefs be translated into realities. Be willing to make mistakes.”
Do you believe it!
A low opinion of ourselves is a vice not a virtue
And so we come to Self Esteem. On this the good doctor says, “We simply must get it through our heads that holding a low opinion of ourselves is not a virtue but a vice.” If we have a low opinion of ourselves we open ourselves up to fears such as jealousy, not being good enough, believing we deserve to lose, et cetera.
Finally, “Creating a better self-image does not create new abilities, talents, powers – it releases them and utilizes them. Our prescription is to accept ourselves as we are and then start from there. Differentiate between your ‘self’ and your behavior.”
The way we see ourselves can be changed
What Dr. Maltz is saying is the real us never changes. It is our behavior, the way we think, the way we see ourselves- these thing can be changed. They are self-made. They are the self-image, not the real self. The real self is not the mind, not the servo-mechanism, the Creative Mechanism, as Maltz calls it.
Master Storyteller at work
Take up a project - one you'll love doing
So, in order to both build your self-esteem and to become not a ‘success’ but successful, take up a project, one that you will love doing. Accept yourself as you are at this moment and go from there. And finally, trust that the Universe will provide the opportunities when they are right for you. For you are a Creature of the Universe who has a divine right to be here. And that Divinity in you does not preclude you in any way from having great self-esteem, great success, and a great deal of happiness in your life.
More on the writer
- Tom Ware - YouTube
Tom Ware is a Master Storyteller. Known as 'The Prince of Storytellers, Tom has been entertaining audiences with stories for thirty years. Tom joined his fir...
- Tom Ware Public Speaking The Prince of Storytellers
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