ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Sending out an SOS/Time in a Bottle

Updated on May 28, 2012

Sick and tired

When its time to relax?

It started out so innocently; as a way to relax, a reward for a job well done, no harm ... perhaps?

That was what I learned as an adult, but this started back when I was a youth. Why, why did I abuse this, this alcohol?

Estranged from my father at a young age, my mother went on to re-marry. The days spent living in tight quarters and the awkward feeling of trying to embrace, relationally, a man who was not my birth father, so hard, nearly impossible actually. He was a hard man, a man dissimilar from his average peer. He was not from this country, from Italy, and he enjoyed his drink, many times excessively.

My own father, when a time arose to be with him, I jumped for joy and that chance. Meeting him at a local beach, him with friends and I sans mom, I was ready for playtime, but dad was ready for a different playtime. His ideas and mine were totally out of sync, he was with friends and consuming beer and I just was enjoying the sun and surf, but longed for his attention.

A trauma I can remember from my dad during this outing ... I spilled his beer. What ensued afterwards was to be rebuked boldly, in front of his friends, because of my running around outside and knocking it over.Sad really, when I think about it; I know his mind was gone, as was his body, given over to the desire and the impulses of alcohol to escape his own failures and to quell his inner voice. You see my dad had schizophrenia and fear being a major symptom of that disease, he surely tried to elude anything frightening, including responsibility, that came his way.

That thing called beer; what was so important about it, to become so upset over the spilling of it? I recall a softball game played on the diamond and grounds of my elementary school, the teams were comprised of older boys/young adults, who happened to be the siblings of my classmates. One classmate in particular, his father worked for a distributing company that suppled Anheiser-Busch products, more specifically Budweiser. Well these fellas were working up quite a thirst playing in that bright sunshine and us younger kids were just watching as they would occasionly grab from the cooler and chug a Bud beer. We were the ball and bat boys impromptu I suppose and as the game wore on, so did the drinking. After a bit, the game had ended and the older guys in all their wisdom had decided to offer us youngins a brew, Hmmmm ... what is it like, only people I see drinking it is adults, OK, sure, I'll have one."Split it" they said and threw one at me, I dropped it, we opened it and spewed on us. That was sure good for a laugh. They threw us another and this time I caught it, we cracked it open and smelled it , kinda funky I thought, and the drink shaking my head Yuk, try again, weird taste and again, then someone shouts "share."

Further along in years our family prospered through the labor of my stepfather, yes he was doing his part to provide for us and I am grateful for that to this day. Our new digs came with a bar in the downstairs family room. This bar and room, came in quite handy for entertaining family and friends, of which we had a few. On some occasions the contents of glasses would not be emptied and if no one was around I would try and I found some of those drinks to be really good tasting, like ice-cream or fruity.

My teen and rebelious years had just come into their prime and stepdad and I were not hitting it off so well. School was becoming a drag and I was looking for excitement, of course I found it, but in all the bad ways. I had just recently started a job and had money, with this money I bought and used alcohol. One day I thought it pretty smart to ride my bike to school. twelve miles one way. I thought it also really cool to take vodka with me, bad idea. When I got near school, I downed the bottle, a pint, and entered school. About an hour later I was sick to my stomach and went to the bathroom, I never returned to class. I found myself limping, as only a sight to behold, back towards home on my bike.

Never too young

Time bomb

This kid pictured above, well that could have been me. I mean I was in that same circumstance by age sixteen, I had drank more than a couple times. Things were not going well for me at home either, getting into fights with the stepdad was just becoming a hassle, so I devised this great scheme that I would drop out of school and join the Navy at seventeen years of age, all I needed were the signatures of the parents.

Well mom balked, but stepdad thought this would be a great idea, a chance to earn respect and learn discipline and to an extent he was right.

There comes a time in one's life when they realize how far in over their heads they may have just gone and this turned out to be one of them for me. Yes, good old boot camp was surely no picnic, but the training schools that followed were not too bad. No Sir and Mam, the show began when I entered service for this country at my homeport, but that is another story, check out : no that was bad enough, the real story here is how a kid of seventeen begins to experiment with alcohol at an unprecedented level for few peers of his age.

One night in particular, by way of New London or Groton, I went on a spree of several drinking establishments. By the time of an unremembered early morning hour, I had devoured nearly my entire paycheck and everything put in front of me, I was out of control and headed for the big crash. When it hit, the spinning and nausea, I had emptied the contents of my stomach across two tables. Not understanding anything of consequence in that condition, I was rescued by several other servicemen before finding my face attached to several knuckles. How fortunate for me that these guys, Marines, thank you guys, had even gotten this guy back to the barracks.

Throughout my shortened service-time, I would find myself inept and ill-equipped at dealing with the various personalities encountered abroad and compensated for the shame, anger and regret by drinking away my reality. There was no one present to console or condemn me, except those who were intent on taking advantage of naivety, and so the drinking continued till I found a way out.

How low can you go?

After being discharged from the service I found myself wanting to do nothing else but party and have a good time. Several years passed like this and in one unforgetable moment, I wish I could forget, I almost did not make it to the point I am now. Hanging out with older guy friends, we went to a house and I got real drunk, I got real fresh with the lady of the house and awoke at night on lawn and tried to rise.But I found I could not get up, due to the fact that I had become frozen to the lawn! I really do mean frozen, as in ice. Who the hell was I becoming, my old man perhaps? I was scared, but could not seem to break free of this grip that alcohol leveraged over me.

There was a time between these times of selfishness and no self-control, when a wonderful event happened in my life and that was the birth of my daughter. I did, at least for a while gain some degree of independence from this substance of abuse, but that lasted about as long as ice in the sun. Once I was able to figure out how to work alcohol, at the rate I was acustomed to back into my life, I even felt a false confidence about being able to manage my intake.I even began a business on the side,doing menial tasks at first and then working on home exteriors, to supplement my income and fund my habit and without regret due to finance.

I would reward myself, with beer, after every days work and then more frequently after every job and then morphing to during jobs, this had to stop.

Jack on the Rocks

It's all over ... when I go out drinkin

Insane and I like it? Yes, I must have liked it that and all the inglorious results that came with drinking. I was not slowing down at all, in fact I had stepped up my drinking to a form of covetousness and I had a couple fellows eager to share my religion.

Now, what every adult needs is for someone to tell them, repeatedly, "you drink too much" or "you need to stop drinking." This has about the same effect for someone who has no control over drinking, as to say to someone "you need to stop breathing." My usual reply was the not too subtle "I'm a grown @52 man leave me the hell alone," I know, very intelligent rebuttle and sure to garner from anyone a disgusted look or an equally abrasive comment.

In all fairness, I know she meant well by suggesting what should have been obvious to me, but I was literally oblivious to any such remark and with a short fuse. The only thing that was lacking, was violence, abuse yes, but violence not yet.

Jiminy Cricket can't even help now

Let your conscience be your guide?

Conscience be your guide, I suppose you have to come out of your stupor and become conscious for that to happen. Alcoholism is only an outward symptom of an inward-usually suppressed-feeling, too many rehab centers only treat the symptoms, it is up to the individual to withdraw from the usage. And left up to the individual, they who use will continue to use until they have found pain and discomfort from using.

That is why I feel that alcohol abuse is a selfish addiction and there are many more, addictions, like it. I never let how others felt about my using or what others needed, influence my decisions on how much or when I would drink, unless I foresaw immediate repercussions for my actions. As this illness continued to develop, my ability to make sound judgement receded.

Maybe this will help

When you become sober, please hear

I don't know if I had truly hit bottom, but some of these episodes of shame I have shared with you could qualify, and especially if they had been of longer duration or slightly more intensity. Through all of this, I know I was being cared for, by family and through divine intervention. When I had finally had enough of the physical agony found from withdrawal and the mental anguish from remembering my episodes or from being told of them, which is a far worse feeling, I was building up the courage and asking for the strength to overcome this monster.

My life was not my own, but I did not realize whose it was, until I started to live. I found life, again, and through Jesus, it was He who gave me the hope and continued courage, and strength to become forgiving. I needed to forgive many, including myself, to be able to stop hurting. It was this hurting that had caused my continuance in drinking, the first drinks, at the younger ages, were more of a curiosity, but the adolescent and adult drinking were roads of escape.

My only hope in the writing of this hub and others like it, are that some, perhaps if only one, will hear and consider what they have, and what they stand to lose. Addictions cause more than just loss to the user, everyone loses, in fact your chidren's children could end up having loss of hope, due in part, to their grandfather or grandmother's addiction. If you are currently reading this while using, you will have to re-read this, and that is due to your possible depressive or angry emotional first feelings in response to my statements. I want you to stop using, your family and friends need you!

Please contact me if I can be of ANY help. God bless you and keep you, Amen.

Could be you!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 

      6 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Thanks again for your insight. Alcohol is a drug... legal or not!

    • noturningback profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Edgewater, MD. USA

      Hi Angela, there are many things that happen when alcohol is involved. I'm not trying to purposely scare anyone, but sometimes, and if that is what it takes for someone to avoid a life of sorrow and regret, perhaps that would be best, a scare that is.

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 

      6 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Oh my this scares me to death I also have teenager. I would feel horrible if they froze to a lawn. Bless you!

    • noturningback profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Edgewater, MD. USA

      Wonderful news kashmir56, it took me many years to learn, as I am a hard learner. But at least I finally got the message.

    • noturningback profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Edgewater, MD. USA

      Thanks for the positive feedback tfliu. I hope to God that many will quit destroying their lives through alcoholism and other addictions.

    • kashmir56 profile image

      Thomas Silvia 

      6 years ago from Massachusetts

      Thanks for sharing this wonderful hub, and big congrats to you. I stopped drinking some thirty years ago, never missed it.

      Vote up and more !!! SHARING !

    • tfliu profile image


      6 years ago from Portsmouth

      Great hub, im sure it will help lots of people. Voted up

    • noturningback profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Edgewater, MD. USA

      Yes and thank you onegreenparachute, I am sure you have spread your wisdom of sobriety with others as well.Many sober tomorrows is a great wish, thank you.

    • onegreenparachute profile image


      6 years ago from Greenwood, B.C., Canada

      Congratulations Mr. No. Been there, done that and yes, I got the t-shirt too. I haven't found it necessary to take a drink for 23 years now and life is sooo much better! I wish you many sober tomorrows.

    • noturningback profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Edgewater, MD. USA

      Thank you Michele, all true, and all prayers for someone to be truly blessed, by being freed of addiction/s.

    • Michele Travis profile image

      Michele Travis 

      6 years ago from U.S.A. Ohio

      Wonderful hub. I pray some one reads this, it is very good. Voted up!

    • noturningback profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Edgewater, MD. USA

      Thank you Mr. WillStarr. I do hope that someone will be helped through this, there is hope, we just need to reach for it.

    • WillStarr profile image


      6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Beautiful Hub. Voted way up!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)