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Silent Grieving And How To Cope

Updated on January 4, 2014

Silent Grief: How To Spot It

Have you lost a loved one? Or has your loved one lost someone dear to them? In this article I will help you to recognize some of the signs of a silent griever. A silent griever could be any one of the five people around you in a crowd. She could be the cashier behind the counter in a grocery store, the child in the daycare you work at, or the man that hands you your money at the bank. Silent grieving is very common but most people do not know how to recognize the signs or ways to help the person that is grieving. Silent griever's often are quiet people in their everyday lives, however many energetic and outgoing people also deal with their emotional pain in silent manners. Silent griever's often do not know how to deal with the pain that they experience ,or do not realize that there is no wrong way to grieve. Everyone is different and deals with pain and heartache differently. A silent griever often is quiet and withdrawn, seems nervous and agitated when at the funeral of a loved one or when the deceased loved one has been brought up in conversation. This is not always the case however. Some will be very calm, and seemingly untouched by the pain of losing the loved one. There are others that retreat into a shell that seems to have an imaginary barrier that no one can cross. Family members often feel unable to reach that person, as if they are in a whole other world. Many silent griever's wait until no one is around and then they come unglued in fits of depression, tears, and sometimes even self abuse. There are some that will go to extreme measures to get a reprieve from the emotional pain that plagues them by physically harming themselves. As the watchful friend or family member of this person, you should be especially observant of food intake and bodily cuts. Silent griever's will often starve themselves now and then just so that the pain from their hungry stomach will outweigh that of their emotional pain. Silent griever's do not always show signs of depression. There are some who are the complete opposite. Instead of being melancholy and sad they seem confident and strong. This is the griever's way of protecting himself from the pain. It is as if he thinks that as long as he is a rock and stands tall that he won't feel the pain as strongly. The silent griever's often times are also the "strong" ones in other ways. The seem to have it all together. It's the man that seems indifferent, the woman that does not cry, the child who seems unabated. There will come a point that the silent griever will crash under the weight of the pain, and the tears will flow and the hurt will be forced to come out. This is where you as the watchful friend or family member need to be, right there by their side when this very critical moment occurs. In these instances it is imperative that your loved one be supported, and loved. If nothing else they need to know you are there.



Whether you are the silent griever or the person that is looking out for their well-being during this time, there are methods to cope with grief that can add to the healing process. Because every person is different you may have to experiment with what methods help and which do not. For some, being able to talk about or do things centered around the deceased person's life is a good coping method. For others it brings out the pain even more. You will have to assess which is the case for you or your loved one. If this would not be a good coping method, then there are other ways such as being in nature, quiet, and at ease with the world around them that may help. Another way, could be doing something that gives them an adrenaline rush. I have read of a few cases where griever's will go out and skydive or do things extreme in the name of their deceased loved one. Others set up funds and organizations to benefit the lives of others with the same disease or problem that their loved one had. Then you have people that just jump in their cars and drive anywhere, sometimes with no destination or care of time or places. Many silent griever's simply need someone that they feel comfortable talking to and expressing themselves to. Sometimes that is all it takes to get on the road to emotional healing. A good friend, a shoulder to cry on when it's needed, and someone that might occasionally be able to take their mind off of the pain. There are times when only one day at a time matters, and at others every second is a hardship. Other ways to help cope are: anything that gets the pain off of the griever's mind even for a short time. If you go to a movie, watch a comedy that will make you laugh. Don't pick the drama or the "tear-jerker". Go for walks and soak up the sunshine. Sunshine and the vitamin D we get from it help to fight depression. Do something that your deceased loved one always wanted to do and never had the chance to and dedicate that action to them. Make a scrapbook full of memories that you shared with your loved one. These are all ways to cope during an emotional crisis of any kind. If you feel that nothing helps and each day is just another day that you wish had never come it might be time for you to seek the help of a medical professional and see about getting medication so that you can feel normal again. There is nothing shameful about needing the help that today's medical industry provides. Your doctor will be able to assess the need and do what is best for you.



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    • MG Singh profile image

      MG Singh 

      5 years ago from Singapore

      Very nice post. This is a common emotion among humans

    • Daniel Bixby profile image

      Daniel Bixby 

      5 years ago from Stottville, New York

      This is absolutely amazing and so very heartfelt! Your way with words have a way of cutting deep to the core of a persons feelings and emotions. Superior work and writing and. Thank You for sharing this hub! You are Awesome!

    • Goodpal profile image


      5 years ago

      Having a compassionate company is perhaps the biggest support. Empathy is highly therapeutic for emotional pains. These qualities have become all the more important today because "individualism" is increasingly isolating people.

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 

      5 years ago from California Gold Country

      This is a very insightful look at dealing with grieving people. Some people seem to rush in to try 'fix' things that cannot be fixed, and others just stay away for fear of intruding. It is hard to find a delicate balance when you care about a grieving person.


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