- Mental Health»
Six top ways to overcome unhappiness in life
Being happy or unhappy is your choice!
‘Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy’ -Wayne Dyer
Unhappiness is a state of mind just like happiness. When your mind instills in you happiness, you feel happy and when your mind instills in you unhappiness, you feel unhappiness. What you feel is decided by your mindset and also by the situation you are in. You face so many problems in your life and it makes you unhappy when the problems persist to make your life a torture. If you look back, the main culprit for your disappointment is you and no one else. When your mindset is tuned to the negative aspects of life you feel unhappiness.
1. Giving undue importance to others
Why do you give importance to other people? You feel that they mean a lot to you and you go out of the way to please them. In workplace you keep your boss in a pedestal and think that pleasing him is your way up to success. You work slavishly for a word of praise from your boss and feel utter dejection and unhappiness when your work is overlooked. It is true you have to work hard, but do not do it in slavish way. Your work should speak for you and you should be mentally detached enough to be able to handle your- never- satisfied -boss.
You should respect others and you should value their opinion, but you should do all this in a measured way and not overdo it. When you feel that your respect is ignored there is nothing to feel unhappy about it and you should move away mentally from that situation.
2. Do not be a perfectionist
Perfection is good, but imperfection is human. You should set up certain standards in life and you should also work towards achieving it. But suppose you cannot achieve the perfection you aimed. Does that make you a lesser person? Of course, it doesn’t. Do not set up unrealistic goals and feel that you are incompetent if you are unable to reach your aim. Be realistic and feel happy for the small achievement you get. Do not be unhappy when there is a delay in your work or its result. Patience is the key to your happiness and impatience can instigate unhappiness in your mind as you want everything to happen immediately.
Hurried steps, working in haste and stumbling in the way can make you unhappy. One step at a time and working at your pace and striding relentlessly to your achievable goal is the magic to happiness. Perfection comes from time and practice and so you need not be unhappy at small stumbles and falls.
3. Expecting others to be as you want them to be
Many a time, bitterness in family arises when you have impractical expectations about your spouse or your children. You want your spouse to be a perfect wife\husband and when you feel she\he falls short of your expectations you feel unhappiness. You have expectations and dream about your children too. You are invariably disappointed as your children are individuals with mind of their own and when they want to do what they like, you are extremely stressed and unhappy.
Do not thrust your expectations on others and become unhappy when your expectations are not met. Just as you want to lead your own life, your spouse and children also have freedom to do what they want.
Guilt can cause you so much of unhappiness. You hurt others and feel unhappy about it. You do something wrong and feel unhappy. You give a promise and when you are unable to keep it, you feel unhappy. Your unhappiness is the result of the guilt you feel that you have done something wrong. ‘To err is human’, this saying is so relevant to you and everyone else. Mistakes are committed knowingly or unknowingly and it can be rectified. You will feel unhappy if you keep brooding about it and feel guilty. Instead of feeling guilty you can apologize for the wrong done and asking forgiveness is a good characteristic of a good human being.
5. Unhappy past
There is sometimes something about your past that you dislike. You could have committed a crime and could have been sentenced for it. You could also have led a life which is not worth telling anybody about. Your parents could have been of bad upbringing and so your childhood days could have been miserable and unhappy. Past is past and should not intrude into your present. You should forget your bitter past and make most of your present and when you can make your present life worthwhile, there is nothing you can feel unhappy about your past.
Are you in a habit of comparing yourself with others and if your answer is in the affirmative, I am sure you spend most of your time in unhappiness. Your friend’s life is better than you, your colleague is more proficient than you and list goes on and on. When you compare yourself with others, you should always remember that you are belittling yourself . When you feel that you are lesser person than others, it causes mental agony and unhappiness in you.
Your competitor should be you and no one else. You should compare you with yourself. Talk within you to improvise your life and give yourself pep talk to make you confident. A confident person never feels unhappy.
Unhappiness in your life is your invention and it is you who should make efforts to overcome it. When you bow down to unhappiness it takes the driver seat and drives you along the path of self destruction, failure and pessimism. It is you who have to decide how your life is going to be; happy or unhappy. When you like happiness, you can easily achieve it, but if you point your fingers at unhappiness, you buckle under the pressure and you cannot lead your life as you want to, as unhappiness has taken a decisive hold over your life.
© 2012 mathira