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Some People Always Seem to Push Our Button, Why?
My mom and step-dad in Atlanta during our vacation trip.
Always Look for the Good
Do you find yourself getting irritated or frustrated by the same people or same circumstances? Do you wish that you wouldn't get so upset each time that person or situation just drives you into feeling like screaming but you can't?
Here are some ways to help you understand why you go through this and how you can overcome.
If you are in the immediate situation, take some deep breaths. Try to get away from the situation and try not to respond while you are having these feelings. Taking deep breaths will do wonders for you. I know I have this fear going to the dentist and a friend suggested that and it worked. I was able to relax and allow them to work on me, at least that one time.
Try to understand why they act the way they do. Every person goes through different journeys in life. Some go through traumatic experiences, abuse or feel no love growing up. Each event in their life has created the person they are now. If you end up getting hurt physically and or verbally each time you speak up, then you can end up afraid to speak up at all. Or you can be very demanding and determined to always get your way. Isn't it ironic that the two of you have the same problems and yet can't stand to be around each other?
Look for the good they do. Find something that they do and appreciate that. Maybe they donate to help the homeless. Maybe they offer to help others financially. Maybe you can see the love that they show for an animal. Every one has something good inside, though it is not always easy to see.
Also, I have read that when you go through the same people triggers, it means there is something you need to learn. What kind of feeling do you get when this happens? Are you angry, frustrated, irritable? Now think back, have you been feeling this same way already for different reasons? Have you noticed that when you feel irritable, more and more irritable things keep happening? If you can determine what has been causing these feelings in you, you can face it, accept it, and then next time just maybe when these people trigger you it won't be so bad.
In my life, I seem to have always been troubled by the same type of person. These people are used to making rules that you have to follow, and very domineering to the people close to them. I was forced to sign contracts and clean dishes for everyone in my household and not with a dishwasher. And there were lots and lots of dishes. That incident alone made me hate washing dishes unless I had a dishwasher. However, at this current time I do wash dishes by hand and appreciate the feelings I get.
Sometimes these people are demanding on others in my life and I hate to see that too. For example, my mom was always told what to do and when to do by her husband and still is and she accepts that. I don't but I have to let her live her life with her choices. On vacation together, my mom likes to take pictures like I do, photographic scenery, and not just people. My step-dad likes to take pictures with him in it. I talked to him and tried to find out why and he explained he wants something for the memories, a picture with him everywhere he has been. That made sense to me and I told him that we like to take the photograph scenes too so why don't we do both? That suggestion worked out and helped my mom have the courage to keep taking her own pictures while we also took pictures of him or both of them.
Being able to talk to him like this took me many years of anger, hatred, revenge and dealing with more people that acted the same way. I always felt like they were taking their personal anger at me, but in reality they are really angry at themselves. They did not achieve their dream in life. They grew up with a father who abandoned them. Whatever the reason, they tend to show anger and this always pushes your button.
Today I still go through these trigger people, and writing this article made me realize that most likely that person is really more like me than I would like to think, because deep down, we both have the same type of issues we are dealing with personally, and we are both wanting to feel better. If only both sides could start communicating and realize this, instead of being angry, maybe they can see the good in each other and work towards feeling better.
I do believe it has always helped me to see the good in others even when I'm angry, but I have to take some deep breaths, try to get away, and after calming down, try to look for the good.