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Some Thoughts On Day To Day Living

Updated on March 20, 2015

Stand-up guy that I am, I would never presume to to tell anyone how they should live their life. After all, none of us are blameless or without flaws, and what works for one individual might very well prove to be damaging to another. Examples of this are everywhere, yet people keep asking all the same. “Tell me, tell me, tell me!” Ah, well. What follows are some things I've learned in my time which work well for me. But, again, that's just me:

1. When dining in public, never order food that drips.

2. Laugh as often as possible. In the Cosmic scheme of things, there is no inappropriate time for laughter.

3. Wear comfortable shoes. Millions go through though life without ever wearing shoes, while studies have shown even more go around wearing bad shoes. Whatever works, but if you choose to go shoeless, you may want to light an occasional candle to keep the hookworm away.

4. Never eat at a place called “Mom's”.

5. Never play cards with a man named Doc.

6. If you must drink:

a. never buy wine that comes in a box or sports a screw-off top.

b. spirits/hard liquor aged less than 6 weeks should be avoided.

c. your better tequilas are neither harsh on the palette nor have wiggly

things floating in them.

d. beer available in cans but not bottles should be avoided, despite any

claims of being able to change you into a star-spangled sex machine.

7. Smoke all you want, it's a free country! I've smoked plenty in my time but even my favorite coffin nails weren't worth the (ever-increasing) price after a while. And let's face it: all I was going to do was start them on fire and burn them up, right? Where's the sense in that? Adieu to yet another small pleasure.

8. Don't get romantically involved with someone who has more problems - personal or otherwise - than you have. This could also be applied to business relationships.

9. Showers are better than baths. I think so, anyway. Whichever you prefer, do so regularly.

10. Don't be surprised if just when you think you have it all together and the world, as they say, is your oyster, something comes along and bites you on the butt. The universe is funny that way. No one is ever as good or as bad as they think or are led to believe they are, so try to keep your ego under control.

11. Don't put off telling someone you love them, because you may not get another chance.`

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