Sovereign in My Mind, Blissful in My Heart
I have Been there Myself
In the world of my own creation happiness is my primary and ultimate priority. This joy, this ease and unutterable simplicity of life where no gods other than pure love have a say about what I may think, feel, and do next. This sovereign harmony that keeps at the threshold all those clowns parading with authority that would want to intrude into my world.
As I look at those amusing harlequins with my ever smiling soul, their masks of leaders and preachers fail to impress me a bit. In their world, where disharmony and strife for power makes them weak in the absence of self-discipline, there is nothing to attract me, nothing to make me wish to be one of them.
Their fear and anger seem to be like a cobweb that catches every weak spiritual inspiration they may have now and then, lasting only as long as they are exposed to a suggestive outside influence. And yet, I can't but love them and understand them, for I have been there.
Hardest Lessons of Life Left Behind
However, that was long ago, and I am not letting those memories spoil the beautiful creation of my conscious intent. Decades have piled up on my chronological age, but in my happy soul I am still somewhat of that boy chasing colorful butterflies on a soft meadow - before it got soaked up with tears and sweat of a young man who didn't know he had a power to turn it all into a farce not worth any of that suffering.
So yes, I have been there, and when I see a photo of a little desert flower, it's a living metaphor of my own blooming out of a soil that was not promising to support its life, so it had to live on the energy from an ever warm and inspiring Sun.
Leaving all that behind, I see my life beautiful and complete - because I want it that way. And those scary Halloween masks out there are cute and silly - because I want them that way. And this good, loyal body of mine is still full of vitality and robust health at my seventies - because I want it that way.
In the world of my personal sovereignty my want is the ultimate imperative, and I keep focusing on what I want - unlike the rest of this world wallowing in what they don't want.
For, it's My consciousness, My mind, My emotions, and My body, and it's ultimately My choice and My responsibility how to orchestrate them into a tune that even some imaginary angels wouldn't mind dancing to.
Boss in My Mini-Galaxy
I started learning to genuinely love the outside world after realizing that nothing would befall me if I just dropped all those ego defenses that served as an armor not allowing any closeness. But what fascinated me the most was the fact of that outside world - although experienced within my personal space - was "really" outside of it, and in that space reserved for me in the whole vast universe I could do whatever I chose.
All that experiencing was of my own make, and in a sense which still represents the core of my personal sovereignty - I am the one creating the significance of outside appearances, stuck with doing it anyway for as long as I live. Like those good quantum physicists are saying - This is a participatory universe, and no one is exempt from doing their part in the scheme of co-creation.
Now, I had a simple choice - to do it consciously or to let my automatic pilot do it for me, the one that's programmed by society. So I chose my own volition to be the "deity" in this mini-galaxy of my personal space.
And I am not entirely kidding here either. For, between atoms of my body there is a relative distance like from the Earth to the Moon - keeping in mind their respective masses - making most of my personal space "empty" - or rather, filled with incredible intelligence that's orchestrating all energies and particles into this miracle of life in me.
And it's all mine to be guided with my conscious intent. Isn't that great, because you are the same, depending on whom you are choosing to run your own little "cosmic show" of thoughts, attitudes, emotions, vitality, and actions.
Inspiring for Envy instead of Action
Now that I have brought you into picture, I can't help but wonder what would be those magic words that would inspire others to reclaim their sovereign volition, to yank it from the stranglehold of their social self-image, and start choosing the inner events of their minds and hearts.
For, my experience is so poor in that department, while so many have found it easier to either envy my calm and my willful self-guidance or to start outsmarting me - rather than roll up their mental sleeves and do something about it themselves.
How many times I felt like an intruder and stranger in others' world of a knee-jerk responding to life, not able to support their health complaints with my own, or their being pissed off with my own. It's so cheap and easy to agree with anyone, and I have been doing it more than I care to remember, just for sake of keeping the harmony of the interaction.
And yet, always taking a risk of sounding like an oddball - like maybe now to some of you - at times I just go ahead and express this "outrageous and crazy" inner world of mine. I have been criticized for "playing out a superior intelligence", and that somehow gave me a vision of a fat dude watching an Olympic gymnast and calling him a "show-off".
I couldn't go wrong by calling myself just a "mental athlete", a dude exploring and pushing my limits of having a power over my inner and outer life. How to express it without being called a "show-off" - it's still a puzzle to me.
However, not the one to lose any baby-sleep over it.
Defining My Happiness
In the gym of my mind - what is my "workout" all about? Like I said at the start, happiness is my priority, so I am basically focused on loving everything. Of course, not that I am "condoning" anything immoral, but it doesn't prevent me from "loving it".
To some of you it may sound strange, because most of the folks are in a socially encouraged habit of "disliking" what is "bad". The whole thing is about the ability to totally go along with the emotions without resisting them, so when there is no friction and conflict inside between tendencies - there is no real pain. Even a grief can feel divine when we don't fight it to spare our precious ego from something unpleasant.
There obviously is no word in the dictionary, or I don't know it yet, for having a "felt sense of unpleasant" crowned with something of a noble emotional variety. It's like spirituality over emotionality. So, when I said above that I could "love" something that's immoral, it was all about maintaining my emotional equilibrium - not about loving it because it "deserves" that loving.
In other words I can feel love in my heart while thinking about a dictator or a criminal - simply because I don't allow the idiot's legacy to spoil my rosy disposition. Then it also goes for all those folks with much less sin on their record, like politicians, con-men, and those characters that usually get on others' nerves for any reason.
In the Gym of My Mind
If you would look at an average gym, it has quite a few of those requisites for pumping iron. My mental one is no exception, and while at one time I may be "pumping alpha brain waves", in the next moment it could be something that I am calling "mental vacuum", when absolutely nothing matters, not even myself.
Those are the moments of rest from the adventure of life, when I surrender to the level of physiology, letting the body take over. During my qigong meditation ("Small Universe Meditation"), I am envisioning myself as blending with the energy soup of the universe, and moving my "chi" energy from one chakra to another for some fifteen minutes. Since I am also a social being (surprise!), it gives me a great pleasure to devote my attention to just about everybody I interact with, and pour into that exchange as much of good vibes as possible. Whether it's a neighbor, a store keeper, a bank clerk, a cashier, or a person I meet on my walks in the park - I do my best to be present with them, to listen, to understand - sometimes to support if it's not intrusive.
So, that's the story of my sovereignty. Do I consider myself "very advanced" on my path? It's all relative depending whom I am comparing with, but no, I don't see myself that way - not nearly as advanced as I am intending to be, if I get another few decades left. Barring natural disasters or other mishaps, I think I will, so let the time be the witness what an old dude can do other than being old.