- Death & Loss of Life
Still A Mom
Coming Home... empty handed
During a pregnancy, you go through so many hopes and dreams before you even hold your little bundle of joy. Some parents are blessed to see those hopes and dreams come to fruition. There are some of us parents though, who do not get that option. Some of us leave the hospitals without our babies. Not because the babies are sick and they are going to come home later... but because they DIE.
That is right, I said DIE. This hub is not to sugar coat reality. Many parents around the world everyday leave the hospital empty handed and broken hearted. Maybe their baby was stillborn, maybe the baby had an issue undetected before birth and the medical staff could not sustain the life. Or maybe, the hospital is completely prepared for a sick baby and they still cannot provide the services to save the baby's life. Going home with only your baby's belongings and a cart full of your broken heart, are a harsh reality that many walking wounded live with everyday.
Not Sugar Coating...
I refuse to sugar coat this topic. I am every parent's worst nightmare. My life as it is today, is one that every parent fears. I can walk in a room full of parents and they stop talking, hang their heads and sometimes whisper... like I'm a leper. I'm here to let other parents know they are not alone. It's okay that you don't fit in anymore the way you did before, it's okay that you don't want to go to your friend's kid's birthday party because it's just too much of a reminder that you won't get to see that birthday party for your own kid. Hell, it's okay if you don't feel like going to the grocery store because you might see a baby and loose it in the cereal aisle.
One of the biggest things I can say is, it's okay. Ironically, in the most not okay situation on this planet, it is okay. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to grieve and it's okay to feel whatever emotion you feel like having. Because that is what grief is. Grief is a rollercoaster. Grief is a monster. Grief is milli-polar... you experience every single emotion under the sun, sometimes for no particular reason, and then you'll experience another. And it's okay. Be gentle on yourself. Be kind to yourself. Do what you need to do to heal.
I will tell you, you WILL lose friends. Friends you thought you'd have forever. Maybe they just do not know what to say so they slowly back out of your life. Others will get offended at the stupidest things and completely, abruptly cut you out, because they don't understand why you're being distant. There is no rhyme, reason, or rule book on moving through your grief. Believe me, if there was a uniform way of dealing with the loss of a child, someone would be a millionaire.
My reason for saying what I say
For my mommas out there (and daddies too) YOU ARE STILL A MOM (or A DAD). So many people tend to leave you out of certain conversations, or even certain celebrations because your baby died. Guess what. Maybe you don't get to pick out a Christmas outfit. And you don't get to watch them smash their first birthday cake or take pictures on their first day of school. But you have them in your heart, you have them watching over you, and you will always be a parent. I urge you to speak the name of your baby. Tell people about them. If someone is talking about their kids, instead of being sad and not joining in the conversation, talk about your baby. Don't ever stop bragging and showing off pictures if you have them and feel comfortable to. Be proud to be their parent and keep their memory alive.