Stillborn: My Little Angel Appeared in My Dream

One life touches my life, and that is my baby. Being a childless mother is the saddest part of me. Several months gone by but the pain in my heart keeps coming back.

It was on October 2010 when I lost my baby girl "Gwyn Earnestine" at 34 weeks of my pregnancy. Her umbilical cord wrapped around her left wrist which caused her death.

My hubby and I were very happy knowing that I was pregnant. We’re both excited considering it was my first pregnancy. Everything went so well. It was an easy pregnancy I can say, because my little girl inside my belly never let me experienced nausea and vomiting as other woman usually feels. I stayed healthy all throughout my pregnancy until one day when I woke up early in the morning at around 3am for a routine call of nature, I felt something wrong at that moment. I saw lumps of blood came out. So I rushed to the hospital.

My world was so devastated when the doctor told me that my baby girl has no signs of heartbeat. They rushed me to the ultrasound room and he confirmed that my baby is dead. I cried and screamed while the doctor asking me some questions. I've just gone for a checkup a day before it happened and all results were fine. I keep questioning myself, why.

After few hours my stillborn was born. I cried and hoping a miracle would happen. I want to die with my baby at that very moment. I prayed to take my life instead. My OB sedates me more doses right after delivery for I felt too much pain and my blood is not stopping. And when I woke up after few hours, my baby is no longer there. My little angel was brought directly by my family to home and buried the following day. I stayed in the hospital for few days. I haven’t had a chance to see and hold my baby for the first and last time. I only had pictures of her which I treasured for the rest of my life.

To cope with the loss of my baby is very difficult. I went through the grieving process and learned to accept everything. I came back to work to continue with my life, but I know that it will never be the same again. Three months later, my little angel appeared in my dream. I saw a dead body of a little girl surrounded with many people, it’s like they are rejoicing. They put some oil in her entire body and later she woke up. She was brought back to life. She was then walking…holding my late mother’s hand…crying…looking at me at a distance…trying to reach her hand to me. I was just standing still, watching her crying but I cannot go near towards her. And so I said to her “Baby, you just stay there”…and she keeps crying.

Suddenly, I woke up from sleep and tears poured down from my eyes. I felt how sorry she was that she had to leave me early. It’s always heartbreaking for me every time I remember this dream. I just told myself that we have an angel in heaven who will always be ours.

See Also:

"How to Cope with Baby Loss"

"My Little Angel's Poem: Mama, Papa, Please don't Cry"